Sweet Dreams Are Riding a Bike*

This new flowery blog theme will have to do. My genius is reserved for other things–not altering code in blog themes. I tried to fix the other theme but I couldn’t get it to work. I even deleted the theme, downloaded a new one and uploaded it again–still blacked out comments. So here we are–a different flowery theme. I like it, but I liked the other one better–but I won’t cry about it. Not today anyway.

Today I am too happy to cry. Why? Because I got a new bike yesterday! A bike that I can ride to Target and Safeway and to get coffee and visit friends and not drive my car that costs five cute tops at Marshall’s to fill up. I figured what better way to use some of China’s economic stimulus money than invest it in clean energy transportation.

Thanks China! I don’t care for your food or your policies–but I like your money!

Let me just say that My New Bike is the Coolest Bike on the Planet. It’s beautiful, red and shiny and it has a bell and a basket and a cushie seat.

And a secret.

I won’t reveal the secret yet–I’ll save it for the picture, or the video that will be coming up soon. I will tell you that the only thing that I don’t like about My New Bike–is that is that everyone is jealous of it–and I am sad that the whole world doesn’t have one.

I’m off to make a flower arrangement to adore the basket. If I’m riding a bike around town–it will be doily and flowery–because that’s the kind of lesbian I am.

*When I was a little girl, my Nana would ride a bike with me on the back in a baby seat. While we road I would sing a song that went, “Riding a bike, sweet dreams are riding a bike.” I was only two or three years old, but I remember the song!

Attn: John McCain. Please Stop Calling Me.

Why is John McCain calling my house every other day? He never leaves a message he just lets the phone ring a few times and hangs up. I see it on my caller ID and I get anxious. What does he want? Is he drunk dialing me or something, is that why he never says anything? Does he just get nervous about calling and hang up before I answer.

John–Stop Calling Me! I am not voting for you, I don’t even like you. I’m a progressive-liberal-feminist-democrat. You and I are not friends–not on Twiiter, not on Facebook, not on MySpace, and not in real ife. Knock it off.

New theme over here. It’s very flowery and I like it. I borrowed the idea from someone’s blog but I don’t remember who–if it’s you–thanks, let’s be Blog Theme Sisters!

We’ve worked out some of the technical difficulties on this flowery blog (and when I say we, I mean Annette who is the tech support QUEEN at HostingMatters.com and one of my favorite people in the world.) My e-mail is working again–you can e-mail me here. I have one more technical difficulty and that is getting rid of that nasty message from Google that my site is extremely dangerous to everyone, especially women and children. I promise, this blog site does not sleep around–and it has no viruses. Clean. Promise.

If anyone would like to help me with that. Let me know. I’ll send you cookies or take you out for a beer–depending on if you’re in a program or not. (I am NOT an enabler.)

HG and I were going to go camping this weekend but it is raining and like 40 degrees. Those of you who do not live in the Pacific NW may find this unusual but those of us who live here are quite aware that this is pretty typical June weather. I am looking forward to the 5th of July, which is when our summer officially begins. Less than a month to go and out come the flip flops, tank tops, sunglasses and fun!

Well, except for the fact that according to some completely crazy whacko religious people the world is ending on June 12th. Mark your calendars just in case they are correct.

Until then, live well–you never know!

PS All of my comments are black–as in blacked out–I am investigating.

Damn, I need to cook dinner

Firefox keeps freezing up on me and it’s pissing me off.

I’m in the Research Paper Zone–it’s a very scary place where I don’t shower, brush my teeth or know what time it is, what time is it anyway? Wait. I have children don’t I? Where are they? If anyone sees them, tell them to come home and feed the dogs.

Portland Mercury article is out. It’s here.

My friend Teresa is turning 40 tomorrow. Go tell her Happy Day and read her fabulous blog. She’s a novelist too–she’s writing a book set in a Scary Suburb that is surprisingly a lot like mine. I’m trying to get her to make me a character–I see myself smoking cigarettes in a short sexy nighty getting the paper in the morning with my hair up looking just right rumpled. Or maybe I could be the token lezzie in town. That may be a better fit.

Sidenote to Teresa’s husband and other husbands of straight women whom I am friends with: it’s not contagious, I promise.

Those of you inquiring after a copy of my research paper–I will send you a copy when it is finished. Email me and promise you won’t sell it on the internet. I’m copyrighted you know. (I don’t know if copyrighted is a word, but I’m going with it.)

Damn, before I cook dinner, I have to pick up my kid from soccer. I took her there I think?

It’s hard to stay focused when I’m so co-dependent

The ladies at Back Fence PDX were nice enough to ask me to write a post for them. I did. It’s here.

The Portland Mercury comes out tomorrow. Pick up a copy, I may have something in there.

Today my friend Jeff and his most beautiful baby in the whole entire world took me out for lunch. I had Indian food, (like Indian-Indian, not Native American-Indian.) I never had it before, I had no idea what I was eating, but it was very, very good.

I’m doing mad amounts of homework and writing my final research paper on “The Lack of Marriage Equality and its Effect on Children in Oregon” (it’s a long-ass name, I know,) but I can’t stay focused because I am obsessed with my Twitter and my Facebook.

I could possibly be co-dependent on Twitter and Facebook–or maybe Twitter and Facebook are enabling me to not concentrate on my homework. I’ll have to work that out in therapy–after my school term is over.

Oh look at that–someone wants to be my Facebook friend!

99 cents worth of gas please

It’s final primary day and I am looking forward to the whole thing being over. Time to unite the party–everyone fall in line–and let’s keep our eye on the big game in November.

Californians will be voting on whether or not to ban Gay Marriage on November 4th. Until then, the state will begin issuing marriage licenses, beginning June 17th. I hope those in the wedding industry are looking forward to a big surge in business this summer–California has a lot of gays! LeLo and I will be at BlogHer in San Francisco in July–if anyone was planning on arranging their wedding plans around my schedule.

Speaking of BlogHer. I just took a peak at the Agenda and noticed that there is a session on Queer BlogHer. If any of my fellow Queer Bloggers will be at the conference, send me an e-mail–perhaps we can organize a Queer Blogger cocktail party.

I enjoy cocktails–and just to clarify to a recent commenter–I’m co-dependent, not an enabler. If you’re going to accuse me of being something at least get the correct disorder. Geez.

It’s wrap-it-up week. Two school days left and one final. This is bittersweet as I will be happy to have the summer off from commuting to school but it also means that the children will be home All Day Long. This means that I have three long months to endure the pain of bored children who argue and create havoc disturbing my auditory environment continuously.

I certainly won’t be able to afford to go anywhere–with gas prices at $4.10 a gallon. Two days ago I paid $3.98–it cost $67.00 to fill my tank (or the equivalent of four tops at Marshalls.)

I remember when gas hit $1.00 a gallon. People were outraged, they protested, they bitched, they picketed, they complained. I was in the car with my neighbor when she went to the gas station and filled her car with 99 cents worth of gas–just to make a point. What that point was exactly, I’m not certain, but she made one.

And here we are, paying over four dollars a gallon and no one seems to care so much. We’re complaining, but we’re still driving around. Today I drove DD#1 and two neighbors to school because it was pouring down rain and she was afraid that she would melt. The carpool lane was filled, bumper to bumper, people everywhere driving their Suburbans and their Tahoes and their whatevers. I was driving the Lesbaru and having anxiety–wondering how much it was costing to drive my kid to school.

I think this summer will be spent hanging at home a lot–doing some projects and riding our bikes. I will be writing. I have some projects brewing in the back of my head including a new blog project and more. Much more. It will all be on the list. The Summer List of Things To Do.

Summer–it’s just around the corner–time to get your list on.

Me Me Me Me Me Me Me

I’ve been tagged for a Meme by the lovely Wacky Mommy.

Meme’s are pronounced meems, but I like to pronounce them Me Me’s because Meme’s like these are all about ME!

1. What were you doing ten years ago?

I was pregnant with DD#3 and trying to figure out exactly how I got that way. DD#2 was just 13 months old, DD#1 was three and I was COMPLETELY CRAZY!

2. What are five things on your To-Do list?

• Pay bills
• Write the second part of my research paper
• Study for my final
• Buy new underwear
• Spend as much as possibly kissing my wife for the rest of the weekend!

3. What are five snacks you enjoy?

Peanut M&M’s, Red Vines, cheese and crackers, chips and salsa, HG.

4. Name some place where you have lived.

Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Florida, Connecticut, Washington, Oregon.

5. Name some bad habits you have.

None.

Really, I have no bad habits.

Okay, let me try to think of some.

I leave glasses of water next to my bed for days on end. I don’t always fold the laundry as soon as it’s done drying, nor do I put it away (I like to see the pile on top of the dryer,) I spend WAY too much time on my computer, on the Internet, reading blogs, twittering. I don’t exercise enough, I eat too much sugar, sometimes I skip flossing, I procrastinate. I break down and cry when I’m PMS’ing, as well as get a little teeny bit cranky. Did I mention I procrastinate?

6. Name some things that you would do if you were a millionaire?

Pre-pay for my girl’s college, start a charitable foundation, buy a Highlander Hybrid, travel a bit, save and invest the rest.

7. Name some jobs that you have had.

waitress, flight attendant, wedding coordinator’s assistant, restaurant manager, homemaker, mom, freelance writer.

I’m not going to tag anyone because I’m lazy. But feel free to do your own Me Me Me Me Me Me!

The Answer Is Blowing in the Wind

Or maybe it’s just my dog’s tongue.

Things I Know

It’s Thursday and I have absolutely no idea how it got that way. Life has just been a whirlwind of activity and a LOT, LOT, LOT of writing. I’ve been writing so much that my brain is physically tired. Do you know what it feels like to have your brain physically tired? It’s kind of like when you go to the gym and work out three times as hard as usual (not that I would really know anything about that) and you are so fatigued that your muscles feel weak you can’t move. My brain feels like that. As a matter of fact–my brain is buzzing with fatigue. I have Buzz Brain.

I wrote a research paper last week on Marriage Equality and it’s Effect on Children–turned it in on Friday at noon. Got my grade back yesterday. 4.00 out of 4.00= A. Wrote a presentation on Sex Toys for my Human Sexuality Class–no grade yet, but it was good. Wrote my weekly piece for The Oregonian, wrote a post for Back Fence PDX–it’s not up yet. Wrote a piece for The Mercury’s Pride Edition–comes out June 6th. In the process of writing about Spoken Word Publication for tomorrow.

Brain Buzz.

Brain Buzz is the opposite of Writer’s Block. I just decided.

So, LiLo (not LeLo) the other LiLo–the crazy one–is a lesbian? All the queer women in the world and she picks her? Ok. Whatev LiLo.

And Jodi Foster left her girlfriend of 15 years for a writer?

A lot of drama going on in your closet there Jodie.

I asked HG if she was going to leave me for a writer. She said, “Uh, why? I’m already with one.” Right. A Brain Buzzed Writer.

Other Things I Know

New York is going to recognize same-sex unions performed elsewhere–elsewhere meaning places other than New York–like Massachusetts and Canada. This is definitely a step in the right direction and I imagine that soon Niagara Falls will be making a big comeback as The Honeymoon Capitol of the world.

I took the girls to High School Musical on Tuesday. It was surprisingly quite good and I am super-happy that I went. Reminded me a lot of Grease without the smoking and gangs and underage drinking (or bowling–there was no bowling.)

It is now preferred to use on one space after a period when typing. I consulted several authorities on the subject and this was their general consensus. I’m still not sure that I agree–but I am trying to conform. Change is hard people.

Tomorrow evening we are going to QDoc to see a fab queer film.

We had a great time on our Big Lezzie Camping trip–I’ll post some photos as soon as I have some free time. LeLo posted some on her Flickr–including one of my new Ax.

All of you who made fun of my hatchet? Ha-Look at that bad boy. Try not to be jealous of my Butchness.

And I believe that is all of the Things I Know for today.

Gone Fishing

Or camping.

HG left on Thursday to drive down and secure us a campsite for The Big Lezzie Campout. Presently I am at my Institute of Higher Learning awaiting the arrival of LeLo and AdRi who are picking me up.  Together, we will join HG and Abby and Gingy for a fun filled RAIN FREE weekend.  We won’t worry about all of that rain that is in the forecast–we will just focus on the sun and 80 degree weather that I am manifesting.

Yep, I manifest good weather. Don’t be jealous.

This morning I learned a valuable college student lesson that I will share with you, my friends on the Internet. It is NOT a good idea to wait until two days before a research paper is due to begin writing it. Not that I would never do something like that but I have heard that It makes for a very stressful and manic situation.

For those people who may do something like that, it’s good to have a lovely and brilliant Editor who fixes punctuation errors and the words Effect and Affect.  She also catches when one inadvertently spells New Jersey– Jew Jersey. I don’t know who would ever do such a thing, but a good editor will catch it.

Now that all of my assignments are IN, I will treat myself to a relaxing Lezzie Camping Trip for the holiday weekend. I have M&M’s and wine spritzers waiting for me.

Happy Memorializing!

Blogging Block

I don’t have that because even if I did I wouldn’t say it or write it out loud because then it could possibly self-actualize.  I’ve just been busy.  Yes.  Busy.  Very Busy.  Busy doing what?  I will tell you.

Last Thursday I had some excruciatingly painful gynecological procedures done by my friend’s sister (who happens to be a Gynecologist.)  The procedures involved an Endometrial Biopsy which appears (to my wife who was watching anyway) to resemble Liposuction of the Uterus.

I don’t recommend it, not even for the Vicodin you get.

And since she was already through my cervix and IN my uterus, she went ahead and put in that Mirena IUD, which will hopefully–no, will–eliminate my visits from Aunt Flo for the rest of my childbearing life.

On Friday– Kevin, The Guy Who Gets Bird’s Nests Out of Microwave Exhaust Vents came over to do just that job.  By Friday evening–the bird moved right back in.  HG cleaned out the nest again (because now I knew how to do it after watching Kevin) and by Sunday, that bird was back again.  So we went to the Homo Depot and bought a huge roll of wire to clog up the bird’s entrance to my house.  It only came in one size–a huge roll–so if anyone needs some wire, let me know, as I have enough for the entire free world’s microwave exhaust holes.

Saturday HG wanted to go to The Hotel Oregon in McMinnville.  They have a rooftop bar and since it was 117 degrees on Saturday, HG thought it would be a fun time to sit on a roof–in the sun.  Since I don’t burn and don’t need sunscreen, I agreed.  Unbeknownst  to us, The Hotel Oregon and the town of McMinnville is host to the annual UFO Festival which happened to be held–this past weekend.  Imagine our surprise when we were greeted by strange looking, strangely dressed UFO enthusiasts whilst we attempted to sip micro-brews and eat Cajun Tater Tots.

And I was without my camera.

Next year, I will be wearing a hat made of tin foil with my BIG FOOT LIVES t-shirt.  Go ahead and click here to get on their mailing list.  Come on, you know you want to.

On Sunday HG and I went to the Multnomah County Library to see our good, good friend LeLo in NoPo give a talk about blogging.  As per her usual–she was amazing and dynamic and articulate and interesting and of course lovely.  The fact that it was a beautiful, rare and sunny May day AND that she was competing with Barack Obama–she had a good turn out.  Afterward we went to LeLo and AdRi’s house for a wonderful BBQ and slushies!  AdRi is a fantastic grill-er and LeLo makes a mean slushie-it was the perfect end to a wonderful weekend.

This week?

I have mad deadlines for school, for work, and for home.  Preparing for a Big Lesbian Camping Trip this weekend, almost the end of my school term, and all that other stuff with kids and what not.

See, I don’t have Blogging Block–I’ve just been busy.