Hypocrites

So Miley Cyrus did a photo shoot with Annie Liebovitz. So what?

I remember in the early 1980’s when the controversial Brooke Shield’s Calvin Klein ad came out. You remember the one? I remember my mother having a complete fit–not for moral reasons–but because she felt that is was exploitive to women. Since then advertisers have pushed the envelope as far as they can and every magazine displays hundreds of photographs of scantily clad young, young, young models in sexually explicit poses to sell their clothes.

Celebrities sell themselves and obviously it pays off for them. Miley Cyrus is worth over a billion dollars. A Billion Dollars. With a B. She’s 15 and has more money than most of us could ever imagine having in a lifetime–all for singing some songs and starring in a Disney tv show. I think less than her doing a photo shoot with Annie Liebovitz–the level of wealth that she has is more of an issue. Consumers are fine with handing their money over to her for their cable subscription, concerts, cd’s, and everything Miley that you can buy including clothing, purses, backpacks, books, magazines, and bandaids. Yes, bandaids. But, God forbid she pose for some photographs with a world renowned photographer that may be a little edgy. Teeny-bop-be-bop is valued. Being paid a billion dollars for it is valued. Art is not. Hypocrites. She’s selling–the American consumer is buying but she’s being criticized for selling. All hypocrites.

With all of that said. I need to admit my own issue.

This photo does not bother me as much-

She looks like she just got out of the shower. I don’t care for the lighting but I’m not Annie Liebovitz so what the hell do I know?

THIS photo–however–bothers me-

If it had been done with a 17 year old boy–it probably wouldn’t have bothered me. A fifteen year old girl with a 17 year old boy in a seductive pose is all over billboards and buses everywhere.  Let’s face it, fifteen year old girls are sexual young women and they are used to sell products every day–no one seems to mind so much because we (we, collectively) continue to shop at the stores that advertise in this way.  The fact that this photo is being done with her FATHER is what is bothersome. It’s provocative, it’s sexually charged and it’s with her father.

Amazingly, the only controversy that I have seen is people having a fit about the first photo and not the second.

Am I the only one who finds this odd? And a bit hypocritical.

In other news, it seems that most of the teenage girls (ages 14-17) taken from that whacko fundamentalist Mormon cult in Texas–are either pregnant–or have already given birth to at least one child.

This is a problem people. Annie Liebovitz taking some pictures of 15 year old Miley Cyrus kind of pales in comparison. But let’s all throw a fit about it, shall we?

Let’s be hypocrites because obviously it is what we in America seem to do best.

Short Update:  I wanted to add to some of the commenters that I was not comparing the Brooke Shields ad to this–I was simply showing how as far as advertisers go–they’ve pushed that medium as far as possible.  This is a type of advertising–it’s advertising Miley Cyrus–and is no different than the ads we thumb through every day.

I would also like to agree that it’s infuriating that Miley and her parents are “outraged” by these photographs.  Hello?  They were there–they were posing for them–I don’t think that Annie Liebovitz doctored them in Photoshop to reveal more skin.

The hypocrisy continues.

Period.

Not the end of a sentence.  Not even the end, but more like the beginning of a big huge circle.

Menarche.  That’s the fancy word.

Those readers of this blog who have a Gender Identity of Male and a Sexual Identity as Heterosexual, you are welcome to stop reading now and go over to Limpy’s Blog.  He probably has a picture or two of women in bathing suits.  If you have an Identity of Male and Gay– Try Purple Twinkie or SMB.

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My 13 year old daughter started her first period.

I know.  This kind of thing happens every day, every where to everyone at one time or another. But it’s MY DAUGHTER!  My daughter.  Not anyone else’s.  Mine.  My baby.

I remember the first time I started my period.  It was three days after my brother was born, my mom was still in the hospital and I was in PE class.  Classic huh?  But it wasn’t like the shower scene in Carrie, it was much more civilized and a lot less violent.  First of all, I wasn’t in the shower and second of all, I’m not a telekinetic witch.

I ran home and ran to the hospital to visit my mom as fast as I could–I was so excited to tell her that finally, “I Was A Woman.”

Later that night, my step-father bought me a box of Rich’s Chocolate Eclairs and gave me a glass of red wine– to help with the cramps. I must say that my step-father wasn’t much in the way of nice, but this was nice.  I was fourteen and I was drinking wine and eating chocolate on the first day of my period–a ritual I would happily continue for many years to come.  God Bless that man.

DD#1 said she wanted no fanfare and is already saying that the entire thing is annoying.  Get used to it sweetheart, you have about 40 years left . . . But it’s a big deal to me.  I feel as though a circle has been completed.  My daughter is beginning a journey that I began which led to her being born and will continue to circle, leading to a child of her own (someday–far, far, far into the future.)  Being a woman is amazing.  Being a woman with a daughter is even more amazing, and I am feeling quite moved by this experience (of hers.)

Menarche.

The transition from being a child–to a woman.  A time to be celebrated and rejoiced.  Instead of looking at our periods as so much of a “curse,” we can look at the miracle that is our bodies, a vessel for life, nourishing life, bringing forth life, and perpetuating life.

We took her to dinner last night, to the restaurant of her choice.  Her sisters made her brownies, and better than that, she agreed to let me throw her a “Red Party” to celebrate.  We’ll drink red drinks and eat red foods and celebrate her passing into womanhood.  I asked her if she wanted to invite some friends and she said, “I can only invite friends that already know that you’re a weirdo.”  Okay.  I’m a weirdo–it’s true.   A weirdo who throws her daughter a Period Party.  A weirdo who has a daughter who has her period.  How did this happen.

I want my daughter to look back at this time with fondness.  I know too many people who were either terrified or embarrassed or ashamed the day of their first period.  I want to embrace this rite of passage for my girl and help to create a positive image and memory of the beginning of this feminine gift.
I want you, my Female Identified Friends and Readers to share with me your memories and experiences.  If they weren’t positive, also share something that would have made you feel empowered and celebrated as a young woman.  How do you look at this life cycle now as an adult?  What wisdom would you share with a young woman today?

It will be deep–and cleansing.  Kind of like the period!

~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, men.  You can come back now.

Happy V-Day

I don’t mean Valentine’s Day (although if you celebrate it, great, happy valentine’s day,) I mean Happy V-Day!

You know, Vagina Day.

Vagina.

“Powderbox, derriere, poochi, poopi, peepe, pooelu, poonani, pal, piche, toadie, dee dee, nishi, dignity, monkey box, coochi snorcher, cooter, labbe, Gladys Siegelman, VA, wee wee, horsespot, nappy dugout, mongo, pajama, fannyboo, mushmellow, ghoulie, possible, tamale, tottita, Connie, Mimi, split knish, schmede.”
From The Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler, 2001

Celebrate your vaginas! Be one with your vagina! Piss off the radical right and smell your vagina! Do your part to end violence against women everywhere!

So, what do you call yours?

Your vagina that is. . .

And to add, in all seriousness some statistics that I copied from www.feminist.com.

Fact #1: 17.6 % of women in the United States have survived a completed or attempted rape. Of these, 21.6% were younger than age 12 when they were first raped, and 32.4% were between the ages of 12 and 17. (Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women, Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, November, 2000)

Fact #2: 64% of women who reported being raped, physically assaulted, and/or stalked since age 18 were victimized by a current or former husband, cohabiting partner, boyfriend, or date. (Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women, Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, November, 2000)

Fact #3: Only about half of domestic violence incidents are reported to police. African-American women are more likely than others to report their victimization to police Lawrence A. Greenfeld et al. (1998). (Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends. Bureau of Justice Statistics Factbook. Washington DC: U.S. Department of Justice. NCJ #167237. Available from National Criminal Justice Reference Service.)

Fact #4: The FBI estimates that only 37% of all rapes are reported to the police. U.S. Justice Department statistics are even lower, with only 26% of all rapes or attempted rapes being reported to law enforcement officials.

Fact #5: In the National Violence Against Women Survey, approximately 25% of women and 8% of men said they were raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner, or date in their lifetimes. The survey estimates that more than 300,000 intimate partner rapes occur each year against women 18 and older. (Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women, Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, November, 2000)

Fact #6: The National College Women Sexual Victimization Study estimated that between 1 in 4 and 1 in 5 college women experience completed or attempted rape during their college years (Fisher 2000).

Fact #7: Men perpetrate the majority of violent acts against women (DeLahunta 1997).

Fact #8: Every two minutes, somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted. (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) calculation based on 2000 National Crime Victimization Survey. Bureau of Justice Statistics, U.S. Department of Justice)

Fact #9: One out of every six American women have been the victims of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. (Prevalence, Incidence and Consequences of Violence Against Women Survey, National Institute of Justice and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1998)

Fact #10: Factoring in unreported rapes, about 5% - one out of twenty - of rapists will ever spend a day in jail. 19 out of 20 will walk free. (Probability statistics based on US Department of Justice Statistics)

Fact #11: Fewer than half (48%) of all rapes and sexual assaults are reported to the police (DOJ 2001).

Fact #12: Sexual violence is associated with a host of short- and long-term problems, including physical injury and illness, psychological symptoms, economic costs, and death (National Research Council 1996).

Fact #13: Rape victims often experience anxiety, guilt, nervousness, phobias, substance abuse, sleep disturbances, depression, alienation, sexual dysfunction, and aggression. They often distrust others and replay the assault in their minds, and they are at increased risk of future victimization (DeLahunta 1997).

Fact #14: According to the National Crime Victimization Survey, more than 260,000 rapes or sexual assaults occurred in 2000; 246,180 of them occurred among females and 14,770, among males (Department of Justice 2001).

Fact #15: Sexual violence victims exhibit a variety of psychological symptoms that are similar to those of victims of other types of trauma, such as war and natural disaster (National Research Council 1996). A number of long-lasting symptoms and illnesses have been associated with sexual victimization including chronic pelvic pain; premenstrual syndrome; gastrointestinal disorders; and a variety of chronic pain disorders, including headache, back pain, and facial pain (Koss 1992).Between 4% and 30% of rape victims contract sexually transmitted diseases as a result of the victimization (Resnick 1997).

Fact #16: More than half of all rapes of women occur before age 18; 22% occur before age 12. (Full Report of the Prevalance, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women, Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, November, 2000)

Fact #17: In 2000, nearly 88,000 children in the United States experienced sexual abuse (ACF 2002).

Fact #18: About 81% of rape victims are white; 18% are black; 1% are of other races. (Violence Against Women, Bureau of Justice Statistics, U.S. Dept. of Justice, 1994.)

Fact #19: About half of all rape victims are in the lowest third of income distribution; half are in the upper two-thirds. (Violence against Women, Bureau of Justice Statistics, U.S. Dept. of Justice, 1994.)

Fact #20: According to the Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey (YRBSS), a national survey of high school students, 7.7% of students had been forced to have sexual intercourse when they did not want to. Female students (10%) were significantly more likely than male students (5%) to have been forced to have sexual intercourse. Overall, black students (10%) were significantly more likely than white students (7%) to have been forced to have sexual intercourse (CDC 2002).

Fact #21: Females ages 12 to 24 are at the greatest risk for experiencing a rape or sexual assault (DOJ 2001).

Fact #22: Almost two-thirds of all rapes are committed by someone who is known to the victim. 73% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger (— 38% of perpetrators were a friend or acquaintance of the victim, 28% were an intimate and 7% were another relative.) (National Crime Victimization Survey, 2005)

Fact #23: The costs of intimate partner violence against women exceed an estimated $5.8 billion. These costs include nearly $4.1 billion in the direct costs of medical care and mental health care and nearly $1.8 billion in the indirect costs of lost productivity and present value of lifetime earnings. (Costs of Intimate Partner Violence Against Women in the United States, Department of Health and Human Services, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Atlanta, Georgia, March 2003).

Fact #24: Domestic violence occurs in approximately 25-33% of same-sex relationships. (NYC Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project, October 1996.)

Fact #25: Boys who witness their fathers’ violence are 10 times more likely to engage in spouse abuse in later adulthood than boys from non-violent homes. (Family Violence Interventions for the Justice System, 1993)

Fact #26: An estimated 50,000 women and children are trafficked into the United States annually for sexual exploitation or forced labor. (U.S. Central Intelligence Agency, 2000)

Fact #27: Somewhere in America a woman is battered, usually by her intimate partner, every 15 seconds. (UN Study On The Status of Women, Year 2000)

Fact #28: A University of Pennsylvania research study found that domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to low-income, inner-city Philadelphia women between the ages of 15 to 44 - more common than automobile accidents, mugging and rapes combined. In this study domestic violence included injuries caused by street crime.

Fact #29: Following the Supreme Court’s decision in 2000 to strike down the civil-rights provision of the Federal Violence Against Women Act (ruling that only states could enact such legislation), only two states in the country (Illinois and California) have defined gender-based violence, such as rape and domestic violence, as sex discrimination, and created specific laws that survivors can use to sue their perpetrators in civil court. (Kaethe Morris Hoffer, 2004).

Fact #30: A study reported in the New York Times suggests that one in five adolescent girls become the victims of physical or sexual violence, or both, in a dating relationship. (New York Times, 8/01/01)

GLOBAL STATISTICS

Fact #31: At least 60 million girls who would otherwise be expected to be alive are “missing” from various populations, mostly in Asia, as a result of sex-selective abortions, infanticide or neglect. (UN Study On The Status of Women, Year 2000) Fact #32: Globally, at least one in three women and girls is beaten or sexually abused in her lifetime. (UN Commission on the Status of Women, 2/28/00)

Fact #33: A recent survey by the Kenyan Women Rights Awareness Program revealed that 70% of those interviewed said they knew neighbors who beat their wives. Nearly 60% said women were to blame for the beatings. Just 51% said the men should be punished. (The New York Times, 10/31/97)

Fact #34: 4 million women and girls are trafficked annually. (United Nations)

Fact #35: An estimated one million children, mostly girls, enter the sex trade each year (UNICEF)

Fact #36: A 2005 World Health Organization study reported that nearly one third of Ethiopian women had been physically forced by a partner to have sex against their will within the 12 months prior to the study. (WHO Multi-country Study on Women’s Health and Domestic Violence Against Women, 2005)

Fact #37: In a study of 475 people in prostitution from five countries (South Africa, Thailand, Turkey, USA, and Zambia):
62% reported having been raped in prostitution.
73% reported having experienced physical assault in prostitution.
92% stated that they wanted to escape prostitution immediately.
(Melissa Farley, Isin Baral, Merab Kiremire, Ufuk Sezgin, “Prostitution in Five Countries: Violence and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder” (1998) Feminism & Psychology 8 (4): 405-426)

Fact #38: The most common act of violence against women is being slapped—an experience reported by 9% of women in Japan and 52% in provincial Peru. Rates of sexual abuse also varies greatly around the world—with partner rape being reported by 6% of women from Serbia and Montenegro, 46% of women from provincial Bangladesh, and 59% of women in Ethiopia. (WHO Multi-country Study on Women’s Health and Domestic Violence Against Women, 2005)

Fact #39: So-called “honour killings” take the lives of thousands of young women every year, mainly in North Africa, Western Asia and parts of South Asia. (UNFPA)

Fact #40: The Human Rights Commission of Pakistan reported that 2002 saw a 25% increase in “honor killings” of women, with 461 women murdered by family members in 2002, in 2 provinces (Sindh and Punjab) alone. (Pakistan Human Rights Commission, 2002)

Fact #41: More than 90 million African women and girls are victims of female circumcision or other forms of genital mutilation. (Heise: 1994)

Fact #42: In eastern and souther Africa, 17 to 22% of girls aged 15 to 19 are HIV-positive, compared to 3 to 7% of boys of similar age. This pattern—seen in many other regions of the world—is evidence that girls are being infected with HIV by a much older cohort of men. (UNICEF/UNAIDS 2007)

Fact #43: : A 2005 study reported that 7% of partnered Canadian women experienced violence at the hands of a spouse between 1999 and 2004. Of these battered women, nearly one-quarter (23%) reported being beaten, choked, or threatened with a knife or gun. (Family Violence in Canada: A Statistical Profile, 2005)

Fact #44: In Zimbabwe, domestic violence accounts for more than 60% of murder cases that go through the high court in Harare. (ZWRCN)

Fact #45: a study in Zaria, Nigeria found that 16 percent of hospital patients treated for sexually transmitted infections were younger than 5. (UNFPA)

Emily-X

I received an interesting e-mail from Planned Parenthood yesterday about a project they are doing to contrast one going on right now by Anti-Choice groups.  One of their employees/activists, Emily X is chronicling  40 of her work days through blog posts, the project is called, I Am Emily X.  It’s very interesting stuff, and to make it even more interesting, she is counting the number of protesters that she encounters every day and asking for a pledge (per protester) for Planned Parenthood.  Kind of like a walk-a-thon, only different.

This is a national campaign, not just Portland as I first thought, so I wanted to be sure to bring it to the attention of the nice people who visit this blog.  I will be pledging and I hope that you will too.  Our reproductive rights are in jeopardy and it is important that we all do our part to bring awareness and education to people everywhere.

Planned Parenthood began in 1916 during a time when women were not allowed to have a bank account, buy property, get a divorce, or have any say in reproductive decisions.  They had no access to birth control or abortions and often died early deaths because of the toll of multiple pregnancies on their bodies.  Through the years, Planned Parenthood has counseled and helped millions of women with providing birth control, education on STD’s, provided pap smears, breast exams, and pregnancy terminations.  Planned Parenthood has also driven laws and advocated for reproductive freedoms for all women.

The complete history of Planned Parenthood is here.  I highly recommend reading it, if only to grasp an understanding of how far we have come in a relatively short period of time.  And how important it is that we don’t go backwards.  One point that really struck me.  Until 1965, there were still laws prohibiting married couples from obtaining birth control.  Can you even imagine?

Most of us have probably used the services offered by Planned Parenthood at one time or another.  My mother was very educated and hip and took me to the gynecologist for me to obtain birth control when I was 16.  Because all mothers weren’t as smart as mine, I would do my part to help my friends and drive them to the clinic, so that they could also be protected.

Once, when I was a junior in high school a friend of mine, Amy H. told me that she had missed a couple of periods.  I told her that perhaps she was pregnant, which she didn’t think was possible despite the fact that she had been having unprotected sex.  Amy was a very naive girl who came from a very large Catholic Family.  The kind of family that didn’t talk about sex to their children, they just assumed that their daughters would wait until they were married, then have ten kids like they did.  After several discussions, I finally convinced Amy to go to Planned Parenthood to have a pregnancy test, (this was before home pregnancy tests.)  After a quick confirmation, the clinician told Amy that she was indeed pregnant.  Amy didn’t want to believe her and insisted that she repeat the test.  There was no need, Amy’s physical exam proved her pregnancy.  At that time in Pennsylvania, it was ILLEGAL for a health provider to give information to a patient about how to obtain an abortion, and this health provider was only allowed to say that if Amy wanted to keep her options open, she would have to act fast, she was nearly 10 weeks pregnant and in Pennsylvania, it was illegal to have an abortion after 12 weeks.

I made Amy an appointment in Harrisburg, (the state capitol, two hours away, the closest place to obtain an abortion.)  Amy’s boyfriend was going to take her.

She didn’t go.

I made her another appointment.  She didn’t go.

By this time it was too late and she and her boyfriend spoke to his mother and they decided she would continue the pregnancy.  By this time, she was showing and could feel movement.  Amy played basketball, and during a game a parent from another team said, “Who’s the pregnant girl on the team?”

Amy still hadn’t told her very religious Catholic parents.

When she did tell her parents, they completely freaked out, put her immediately in the car and drove her to Washington, D.C.  In D.C., you could legally obtain a second trimester abortion and that’s what they did.  Even though Amy had decided to continue her pregnancy, her parents gave her no option and she underwent a fairly complicated induced labor abortion, at around 16 weeks gestation.

All of which could have been prevented by education and communication and access to safe and effective birth control.

Amy’s story has always been one that stayed with me, and even though this took place more than twenty years ago, I’ll never forget how afraid she was.  I often wonder what she’s doing now, if she’s married, a mother?  And how that experience changed her.

I have been asked at times if my feelings of being pro-choice changed after I had children myself.  I usually answer, “yes.”  I feel more pro-choice than before I had children, because I know what it’s like to be pregnant and give birth.  And no one, ever should be forced to go through something like that against their will. Even more than being pro-choice regarding abortion, I am pro-education, pro-birth control, and believe in being pro-active.  It’s time to finally wake up and smell the coffee about these ridiculous abstinence only sex education program and be real with people.

Be the change.

Skin Deep

You may have seen these print ads from Dove,

Which I think are brilliant. But today, (on Today,) I saw an interview with two representatives from Dove talking about the company’s new, Campaign for Real Beauty. The campaign focuses on educating women and girls about the onslaught of self-esteem killing ads of which we see everyday of our lives and how those ads mold our young girls. The video Onslaught is so powerful and I can honestly tell you that tears came to my eyes while watching it. The other video, Evolution, shows a model who comes in for a photo shoot, and how much “work” it takes (including photo-shopping,) to get her to look like she does on the billboard. At the end of the video, it says, “No wonder our perception of beauty is distorted.” Here is a picture from the video, but you must see it for yourself,

I was very inspired by this website, the content, and the videos. I have always tried to not make negative comments about my body in front of my children but I know I slip sometimes.

I admit, I would love to have a tummy tuck and I know this makes me a bit shallow. I know that my body is a road-map of my life and that it looks the way it does because of what I have done with it. But still, I can’t help but wish I had a tummy that was flat, boobs that were firm and perky and no dimples on my ass. I also realize that no amounts of exercise will give me those things.  Three pregnancies, three cesarean births and many, many, many years of breastfeeding have done my body in.

It’s torturous what it does to me sometimes.

This really made me think. About self-esteem, about women in our society, and about myself and my wife and our girls. I want them to grow up feeling good about themselves and how they look. I want HG and I to feel good about our changing bodies. I want all women to know that whatever their size and their appearance, they are beautiful and it’s who we are inside that matters.

I hope you will take a moment to look at these video’s. I’d love to know what you think.

And I think, I’ll be buying Dove products from now on, because I like the message. (And no, Dove did not ask me to plug them…)

Ciao y’all.