If only Xanex was put in our water supply

Posted under Anxiety, Being RSG by Recovering Straight Girl

Today is Thursday which generally is the day where I catch up on things that I got behind on during the week or work on something new or do nothing much at all except clean my house and have lunch with friends. Today is not such a Thursday and every day this week has been a bit on “over-load” and I’m a bit frazzled.

Tuesday I almost made myself crazy with a list a million miles long of all of the things that I needed to accomplished. I was stressed and crazed and beside myself. The day ended with Thai food celebrating my friend Stacy’s birthday and me falling into bed–completely exhausted. Wednesday I had school which included a mid-term followed by a Dairy Queen milkshake, french fries and a coke while driving to North Portland to see my new Gyno. Amazingly when I got to my new Gyno appointment and the nurse made me get on the scale it said that I gained five pounds. Weird. I have no idea how I’ve gained five pounds. It couldn’t have anything to do with my Dairy Queen french fry, milkshake, and coke diet.

My new Gyno is the sister of a good friend of mine. A good friend that I helped have a couple of babies and who taught my Writing class last term (in which I received an A.) Follow all that? It really wasn’t that weird to have the sister of a good friend of mine feel me up because I’m really not all that modest in the least and I don’t care as long as whomever is doing the feeling up does not have cold hands (she did not.) By the end of my appointment we determined that the best course of action would be for me to have one of the new fancy IUD’s inserted that will virtually stop my period all together–a concept that sounds kind of great to me. We won’t worry about the possible side effects (death) because really as long as I don’t have a period–that’s all that matters. And because I’m a big fat baby–I had to schedule to have this little procedure done because I need pain killers prior-during-and after and because my friend’s sister is a responsible doctor and won’t let me drive after taking Vicodin–I have to wait until HG can drive me. Also I need to get tested for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea beforehand–I’m feeling pretty good about passing those tests.

Today I had to attend seventeen Student-Led-Parent/Teacher Conferences (okay, three) and had to register my friend Cory’s kid for kindergarten (at 8 AM) and take DD#2 to the eye doctor (she needs glasses) and take DD#1 to soccer and pick up DD#2’s friend and take them to the mall and to dinner and sometime tonight I may see HG.

Does anyone feel my pain?

But tomorrow is the weekend. And weekends are good. This particular weekend I will be spending the majority of my time with LeLo because we are very fancy and we are going to a very fancy, fancy Portland social event that is Black Tie. I will not be wearing a Black Tie and neither will LeLo–but we will be looking very spiffy I Am Sure. As a matter of fact–I believe that Lelo may be out shopping as we speak. If you see her tell her that black is good. I am getting my hair done on Saturday–I told my hair stylist that I needed her to make me beautiful–I hope she can work a miracle.

There will be photos.

Maybe one in a rattan chair with a fern–if we can find one. My only other confusion about this event is whether I should buy LeLo a wrist or pin-on corsage. I think either would be lovely as long as it’s done with a color-tipped carnations and a matching bow. I’ll see what the florist has that day.

And all of these events would leave me perfectly calm if only the Scary Suburbs put Xanex in our water supply. Think of how nice and relaxed everyone would be–especially me.

SMB tagged me for a Meme.

The rules of the meme:

1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people, and acknowledge who tagged you.

From: The Art of Creative Nonfiction by Lee Gutkind (who is very full of himself if you ask me.

The physicians intimately involved agreed that it sounded right. Bernstein thought that it was right, too, but she could not and would not vouch for the absolute essence of truth.

But if you stand back from the situation and think about it, this makes sense.

This was written in a section called “Who Knows the Whole Truth?” Best to be truthful while writing Creative Nonfiction–otherwise you may lose your advance and be dropped by your publisher.

I’m just sayin’.

I tag my local ladies . . . Melissa Lion, Wendy, Stephanie,

Indy, and Teresa.

The rest of y’all? Have a stress free day, will you?