Me Me Me Me Me Me Me

I’ve been tagged for a Meme by the lovely Wacky Mommy.

Meme’s are pronounced meems, but I like to pronounce them Me Me’s because Meme’s like these are all about ME!

1. What were you doing ten years ago?

I was pregnant with DD#3 and trying to figure out exactly how I got that way. DD#2 was just 13 months old, DD#1 was three and I was COMPLETELY CRAZY!

2. What are five things on your To-Do list?

• Pay bills
• Write the second part of my research paper
• Study for my final
• Buy new underwear
• Spend as much as possibly kissing my wife for the rest of the weekend!

3. What are five snacks you enjoy?

Peanut M&M’s, Red Vines, cheese and crackers, chips and salsa, HG.

4. Name some place where you have lived.

Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Florida, Connecticut, Washington, Oregon.

5. Name some bad habits you have.

None.

Really, I have no bad habits.

Okay, let me try to think of some.

I leave glasses of water next to my bed for days on end. I don’t always fold the laundry as soon as it’s done drying, nor do I put it away (I like to see the pile on top of the dryer,) I spend WAY too much time on my computer, on the Internet, reading blogs, twittering. I don’t exercise enough, I eat too much sugar, sometimes I skip flossing, I procrastinate. I break down and cry when I’m PMS’ing, as well as get a little teeny bit cranky. Did I mention I procrastinate?

6. Name some things that you would do if you were a millionaire?

Pre-pay for my girl’s college, start a charitable foundation, buy a Highlander Hybrid, travel a bit, save and invest the rest.

7. Name some jobs that you have had.

waitress, flight attendant, wedding coordinator’s assistant, restaurant manager, homemaker, mom, freelance writer.

I’m not going to tag anyone because I’m lazy. But feel free to do your own Me Me Me Me Me Me!

The Answer Is Blowing in the Wind

Or maybe it’s just my dog’s tongue.

Things I Know

It’s Thursday and I have absolutely no idea how it got that way. Life has just been a whirlwind of activity and a LOT, LOT, LOT of writing. I’ve been writing so much that my brain is physically tired. Do you know what it feels like to have your brain physically tired? It’s kind of like when you go to the gym and work out three times as hard as usual (not that I would really know anything about that) and you are so fatigued that your muscles feel weak you can’t move. My brain feels like that. As a matter of fact–my brain is buzzing with fatigue. I have Buzz Brain.

I wrote a research paper last week on Marriage Equality and it’s Effect on Children–turned it in on Friday at noon. Got my grade back yesterday. 4.00 out of 4.00= A. Wrote a presentation on Sex Toys for my Human Sexuality Class–no grade yet, but it was good. Wrote my weekly piece for The Oregonian, wrote a post for Back Fence PDX–it’s not up yet. Wrote a piece for The Mercury’s Pride Edition–comes out June 6th. In the process of writing about Spoken Word Publication for tomorrow.

Brain Buzz.

Brain Buzz is the opposite of Writer’s Block. I just decided.

So, LiLo (not LeLo) the other LiLo–the crazy one–is a lesbian? All the queer women in the world and she picks her? Ok. Whatev LiLo.

And Jodi Foster left her girlfriend of 15 years for a writer?

A lot of drama going on in your closet there Jodie.

I asked HG if she was going to leave me for a writer. She said, “Uh, why? I’m already with one.” Right. A Brain Buzzed Writer.

Other Things I Know

New York is going to recognize same-sex unions performed elsewhere–elsewhere meaning places other than New York–like Massachusetts and Canada. This is definitely a step in the right direction and I imagine that soon Niagara Falls will be making a big comeback as The Honeymoon Capitol of the world.

I took the girls to High School Musical on Tuesday. It was surprisingly quite good and I am super-happy that I went. Reminded me a lot of Grease without the smoking and gangs and underage drinking (or bowling–there was no bowling.)

It is now preferred to use on one space after a period when typing. I consulted several authorities on the subject and this was their general consensus. I’m still not sure that I agree–but I am trying to conform. Change is hard people.

Tomorrow evening we are going to QDoc to see a fab queer film.

We had a great time on our Big Lezzie Camping trip–I’ll post some photos as soon as I have some free time. LeLo posted some on her Flickr–including one of my new Ax.

All of you who made fun of my hatchet? Ha-Look at that bad boy. Try not to be jealous of my Butchness.

And I believe that is all of the Things I Know for today.

Gone Fishing

Or camping.

HG left on Thursday to drive down and secure us a campsite for The Big Lezzie Campout. Presently I am at my Institute of Higher Learning awaiting the arrival of LeLo and AdRi who are picking me up.  Together, we will join HG and Abby and Gingy for a fun filled RAIN FREE weekend.  We won’t worry about all of that rain that is in the forecast–we will just focus on the sun and 80 degree weather that I am manifesting.

Yep, I manifest good weather. Don’t be jealous.

This morning I learned a valuable college student lesson that I will share with you, my friends on the Internet. It is NOT a good idea to wait until two days before a research paper is due to begin writing it. Not that I would never do something like that but I have heard that It makes for a very stressful and manic situation.

For those people who may do something like that, it’s good to have a lovely and brilliant Editor who fixes punctuation errors and the words Effect and Affect.  She also catches when one inadvertently spells New Jersey– Jew Jersey. I don’t know who would ever do such a thing, but a good editor will catch it.

Now that all of my assignments are IN, I will treat myself to a relaxing Lezzie Camping Trip for the holiday weekend. I have M&M’s and wine spritzers waiting for me.

Happy Memorializing!

Blogging Block

I don’t have that because even if I did I wouldn’t say it or write it out loud because then it could possibly self-actualize.  I’ve just been busy.  Yes.  Busy.  Very Busy.  Busy doing what?  I will tell you.

Last Thursday I had some excruciatingly painful gynecological procedures done by my friend’s sister (who happens to be a Gynecologist.)  The procedures involved an Endometrial Biopsy which appears (to my wife who was watching anyway) to resemble Liposuction of the Uterus.

I don’t recommend it, not even for the Vicodin you get.

And since she was already through my cervix and IN my uterus, she went ahead and put in that Mirena IUD, which will hopefully–no, will–eliminate my visits from Aunt Flo for the rest of my childbearing life.

On Friday– Kevin, The Guy Who Gets Bird’s Nests Out of Microwave Exhaust Vents came over to do just that job.  By Friday evening–the bird moved right back in.  HG cleaned out the nest again (because now I knew how to do it after watching Kevin) and by Sunday, that bird was back again.  So we went to the Homo Depot and bought a huge roll of wire to clog up the bird’s entrance to my house.  It only came in one size–a huge roll–so if anyone needs some wire, let me know, as I have enough for the entire free world’s microwave exhaust holes.

Saturday HG wanted to go to The Hotel Oregon in McMinnville.  They have a rooftop bar and since it was 117 degrees on Saturday, HG thought it would be a fun time to sit on a roof–in the sun.  Since I don’t burn and don’t need sunscreen, I agreed.  Unbeknownst  to us, The Hotel Oregon and the town of McMinnville is host to the annual UFO Festival which happened to be held–this past weekend.  Imagine our surprise when we were greeted by strange looking, strangely dressed UFO enthusiasts whilst we attempted to sip micro-brews and eat Cajun Tater Tots.

And I was without my camera.

Next year, I will be wearing a hat made of tin foil with my BIG FOOT LIVES t-shirt.  Go ahead and click here to get on their mailing list.  Come on, you know you want to.

On Sunday HG and I went to the Multnomah County Library to see our good, good friend LeLo in NoPo give a talk about blogging.  As per her usual–she was amazing and dynamic and articulate and interesting and of course lovely.  The fact that it was a beautiful, rare and sunny May day AND that she was competing with Barack Obama–she had a good turn out.  Afterward we went to LeLo and AdRi’s house for a wonderful BBQ and slushies!  AdRi is a fantastic grill-er and LeLo makes a mean slushie-it was the perfect end to a wonderful weekend.

This week?

I have mad deadlines for school, for work, and for home.  Preparing for a Big Lesbian Camping Trip this weekend, almost the end of my school term, and all that other stuff with kids and what not.

See, I don’t have Blogging Block–I’ve just been busy.

Enough Lesbians To Go Around

On my previous post I mentioned a website that offers support to “married women attracted to other women.”  I stated that I would check out the site after a commenter chastised me for mentioning it.  She further went on to say of the site, “Why is it ok for women married to man that think they are lesbians to go and take perfectly good lesbians away from other lesbians?”

I found this an interesting comment.

I didn’t realize that there was a limited supply of lesbians and we needed to ration them for the “real lesbians.”  Is “Bi-Sexual Discrimination” the next marginalized group that we need to educate the people in our community (along with the Transgendered.)  Do we need a reminder of what the letters in GLBTQIAA stand for?

Let’s all get along people.  Really–our fight for equality needs to be united–not further divided.  Aren’t the religious right and the Republicans enough to do battle with?  Do we have to battle each other as well?  Let’s not.

From what I could see on the Ask Joanne support board–there were a lot of women from a lot of different situations who were in need of support.  Some of them were married to men and had girlfriends, some were going through a divorce or divorced and working through custody and other ex-husband issues.  Some of them were involved with women who were married to men.  Some of them may cheat on their taxes or steal their neighbors WiFi–but really–who is anyone else to judge someone who seeks out help and support for their situation?

The commenter also called my “honesty” into question because of my mention of this board and my apparent endorsement of other’s dishonesty.

I believe in truth.  Truth is something that I learned was the way to go a long time ago and I have held on to that lesson since I was a young woman.  Truth may sometimes cause difficulty and messiness, but it is always the best policy.  Lies only add to problems and only are a good idea if someone’s feelings may get hurt, (No, you don’t look fat, that haircut certainly makes you look younger, for sure we’ll get together for lunch, your baby is adorable.)

I don’t believe in infidelity.  I believe in honesty and the fact that I was unfaithful to my former husband is something that I will always regret.  I can take comfort in the fact that I didn’t engage in this behavior for a long period of time and only did it because I was so confused and needed time to figure things out.  I was also honest about my infidelity–I didn’t lie when I was asked about it and was open about my feelings and my situation and where I was.  I wish that I would have thought more of myself and had enough self esteem to be able to stand up for what I needed to do and figure out without being unfaithful to promises I made.  Regrets are useless except for being able to help us to make better decisions in the future.  And I certainly have learned from that situation.

With that said–I still don’t believe in judging another person’s situation or the decisions that they are making.  You can not judge what a person does until you have experienced that exact situation–and even then–you shouldn’t judge.  We are all just people having our own experiences–sometimes intense experiences–and we deserve to be supported and helped along the way. People need to be empowered to make the best decisions that they can–decisions that aren’t destructive but constructive and healthy for everyone involved.

There are a lot of women who consider themselves bi-sexual and have significant relationships with men or are married but still have relationships with women outside of their primary relationship.  This is something between the two people in the relationship and as long as there is open communication and honest–I fail to see how these women are “hiding behind their husbands.”

It is not anyone’s place to hold another person up and judge them for who they are or what they do.  There are many more loving ways to promoted positive decisions and behavior and everyone could benefit from learning a few of those ways.

Everyone is entitled to their opinions–and everyone has them–but it’s important to be cautious with words that are insulting and broad and hurtful.

Let’s be kind, shall we?

The ‘About You’ Page

I am lucky to receive a lot of e-mails from ladies all over who are also Recovering Straight Girls in different stages of their awakening. Sometimes I get e-mails from their former male partners with questions, sometimes I get hateful comments but not usually. I feel fortunate that other RSG’s have found this site and hopefully found some people and/or other blogs to connect to and get information.

Some amazing women have left me their stories on the About You Page. Some send them to me privately, but I am always amazed at the strength and power that is in their stories. If you haven’t read the comments on the About You Page–do.

If you are an RSG and feel comfortable sharing your story with either me privately or in the comment section of that page, please do. It’s an amazing journey and one that most women feel as though they are taking alone.

I was happy to see that some ladies popped over to this site from the Ask Joanne Board.

I haven’t read the posts at length but it looks like a lot of good information for RSG’s and a good resource for ladies who are just discovering where to go from here.

No one is alone–it just may feel like it sometimes. There is always someone near by to hear your pain and lend a hand.

As close as your keyboard.

Gratitude

It’s Monday and the holiday is over.  We had a lovely dinner and I received lovely gifts from my girls.  We watched a movie together and this morning they all went to school.

I’m still blogged down and overwhelmed with deadlines.  I feel as though the little bit of creativity that I have just left me when I finished a writing piece for one of my classes.  The next bit of creativity will be deciding what to make for dinner.

Here’s what I do have.

Gratitude.

I am grateful for my family.  I am grateful for my beautiful and amazing wife who takes care of me every single day.  She gives me everything, does everything, and IS everything to me.  Every day that I look at her I am amazed and in awe of how lucky that I am to have her in my life–loving me and the girls–always there for us–always cherishing us.

Sometimes I don’t feel worthy of the love that she bestows on me.  Sometimes I forget how lucky I am–I get selfish and crazy.  But I always remember and when I look at her or lie in her arms at night I remember and tell her so.

It’s easy to forget how lucky we are and then awful things happen like cyclones and tornadoes and earthquakes in China and a million people get hurt or killed–a million people just like us living our lives and it causes us to stop for a moment and think about how precious and wonderful our lives are.

Life is funny.  Not funny ha-ha all of the time.  Not even some of the time for some people, but life is what it is.  There isn’t always a lot to feel grateful for but there is always something to feel grateful for.

I hope you all find something today and reflect on those things with love in your heart.

Happy Monday.

Blogged Down

I have deadlines. Newspaper job deadlines, school deadlines, laundry deadlines. Today I finished a big project for school. It wouldn’t have been as big as it was except that I am a wee bit of a perfectionist and I have to do it all perfect. Plus, Melissa Lion refused to come over and do my MLA citations for me. My perfectionism is a good thing sometimes–I was notified by my Institute of Higher Learning that I am on the Honor Roll. I would be on the Dean’s List but I didn’t take enough credits last term. Honor Roll is good–I’ve never been on it before!

I’m still ill and tired from my new medicine. HG is about over it I believe but for some reason she sticks around with me. I do cook for her. And put out. Except when I’m nauseated, like now.

The sun is out today, my girls have gone to their dad’s until Sunday. Sunday is Mother’s Day and I will be expected some lavishly made homemade gifts from my girls and a very overpriced dinner out from HG (we couldn’t get brunch reservations.)

I’m blogged down peeps. My brain is empty and my head is light. I guess one would call it Blogger’s Block. So I’ll leave you with this:

Everyone thank their Mom this weekend. Be nice to your mom, or moms as the case may be–including mother’s in-law and out-law. It’s hard to be a mom–sometimes you feel as though all of the energy is being sucked out of your mind, your body, and your soul just for the sake of another person. And your entire life you spend waiting. Waiting for something bad to happen, for some tragedy to occur that may impact your child–you never know what is going to be up ahead and around the corner. You look at your sweet child and wonder how they are going to turn out. You could be raising the next president of the United States or the next serial killer. They come hard-wired and it’s a crap shoot most of the time and the job of mothering never gets any easier. Not ever.

So for one freaking day of the year–be nice to your mom–even if she drives you batty or is a bad cook or hates your significant other or never remembers the details of any conversation that you ever have or hates your hair. Buy her flowers (or an iPod,) and take her out to dinner. And remember, she could have left you in the pumpkin patch for someone else to find!

Happy Weekend!

Torture

I once heard that interrogators would use sleep deprivation as a form of torture for prisoners of war. I used to feel as though I was being tortured like this when I had small babies who were up all night wanting my boob or just crying for the heck of it over and over again–every hour–every single night. My babies grew out of all of that (especially the wanting the boob part, thank god,) but I am still reminiscent of those days of being woken up over and over again from time to time.

Like today.

Part of my overhaul has been getting some things looked at medically that I haven’t been able to do for the past few years. The past few years I hadn’t had health insurance and I’ve had to private pay for my doctor’s visit which is prohibitive from having certain things done because of their cost. Now that HG is able to carry me on her insurance–Kaiser is my new best friend and we spend a lot of time together. One of the things in my overhaul has been trying a few different medicines to help with my occasional anxiety and inability to sleep. I’ve already been through one that didn’t work, and I’m on to Plan B. Plan B medicine will be fine I believe when I get used to it–but in the meantime, Plan B medicine makes me completely nauseous and tired. These two things–being tired and nauseous–are two things that are difficult to work into my daily life.

Today, as I nauseatingly drove home from school, I was comforted by the fact that I could lie down in my lounge clothes and take a small nap before the girls came home. Quiet house. I live on a quiet street. It would be great. I snuggled into my bed with my lounge pants and immediately dropped off to napland.

Then the phone rang. Later I found out it was Bill Clinton but I didn’t answer.

I drifted back to sleep and a few minutes later the neighbor walked outside to his car and Abby and Ginger went ballistic barking. I mustered up enough energy to tell them to shut up and went back to sleep.

Then the phone rang again–it was probably Barack Obama this time but he didn’t leave a message.

Then the UPS guy pulled in to the cul-de-sac and Abby and Ginger again went into attack mode.

The girls came home. I quietly explained to them that I didn’t feel well and to do their homework but then . . .

They listened to the phone message and ran upstairs to tell me that Bill Clinton had called and that we should call him back.

A minute later they came in my room again to tell me that DD#3’s fish is dead. I told her I would fish him out of there later–I was too nauseating for a fish funeral.

And then the dog barked again–I think someone checked their mail or something traumatic like that.

And then I gave up and decided to lie here and blog.

I feel like I’ve been in a torture chamber.

And I’m still tired and nauseous.

I don’t know what the military is doing with those prisoners in Abu Ghraib these days but I can tell you what they should do. Give them some pills that make them tired and nauseous and send them to my house for a nap at 2:00 o’clock in the afternoon.

Maybe they can take care of the dead goldfish in my kitchen?