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Who’s hurt by my Domestic Partnership?
Posted under GLBTQ issues, Lesbian Issues, Political by Recovering Straight Girl
Yesterday was the deadline for Anti-Gay Rights Groups to turn in signatures that would force anti-discrimination and equal rights laws, already approved by the House and Senate and signed by the governor to go to the voters in November, 2008. The anti-gay rights groups turned in 63,000 signatures. They needed a little over 51,000, so they have a little wiggle room. How much wiggle room is the question. Reporters and bloggers from Basic Rights Oregon, BlueOregon, and The Portland Mercury, seem to agree that in order for The Haters to have enough valid signatures, 89% of the 63,000 need to be valid. If they are not, The Haters will put this on the ballot as a Citizen’s Initiative, something I don’t know a thing about.
What does this mean?
Well, it means that HG and I will have to wait eleven months longer to receive the same rights that straight couples receive automatically. We have to wait eleven months longer to receive about 500 of the civil liberties that was afforded to me automatically when I was married (to a man,) but that I don’t get being married to HG.
Why do The Haters want to prevent this? Who are we hurting by being responsible to each other and taking care of one another like (hetero) couples do? This perplexes me. I just can’t wrap my head around how this hurts anyone or how The Haters can honestly and thoughtfully think that my (healthy) relationship with HG is “less than” my (unhealthy) relationship with my former husbands.
Do the straight people even realize what they get when they say I Do? Do you?
HG and I decided we would register as Domestic Partners as soon as we are able to, but reading this list made me think about the seriousness of it all. It’s a lot of responsibility to be that integrated and tied to another person and a decision that should not be entered into lightly, and of course we haven’t. But I wondered how many straight couples really consider the legal responsibility that comes with “marriage?” I don’t think I realized it until I wasn’t married anymore. I suppose I always looked at “marriage” as something that makes you an “official couple,” not something that allowed you over 800 federal and state rights and protections under the law. Amazing how we take things for granted until we can’t have them anymore and simply the fact that my new partner is a woman instead of a man, automatically disqualifies my rights and our relationship. A bit archaic.
This has nothing to do with God. It has nothing to do with the Bible. It’s basic human legal rights. Marriage wasn’t even recognized as a sacrament by the church until the 1200’s. Prior to that, marriage and the process of marrying were put into place in our society as a means of merging families and property. Women were considered property and marriage just transferred her ownership. This is the “tradition” of marriage that The Haters are attempting to uphold? Please.
HG and I want to register as Domestic Partners. We want our relationship recognized and protected. We want to take care of each other. I believe that this is the most moral, family-value-filled, loving thing that we can do for each other. And I pray. That on January 1, 2008, we will be able to do just that.
I think you’ll be able to on 1/1/08. I said as much to my partner last night, after hearing they’d turned in about 63,000—put 1/1/08 on your calendar! They need a validity rate in the high 80s to make it on the ballot, and most petitions nab a validity rate in the low 70s. The current record holder is Measure 36, which was a very organized campaign, and they got 86%. 86 wouldn’t cut it for these petitions.
The initiative idea, which has also been referred to as a repeal, would work like this (and they’ll probably try for it). The laws go into effect on 1/1/08, as they should. But the opponents can start now to send two measures to the ballot that basically say “it would be illegal to have a law outlawing discrimination in Oregon” and “domestic partnerships or civil unions are banned in Oregon.” (Or, they could say “the people of Oregon repeal the anti-discrimination law.”) Those would probably make it to the ballot—they only need 82K valid signatures and would have from now to next summer to collect them. If they passed, they would effectively cancel out the two gay rights laws.
But that’s a campaign that’s easier to win for us, I think. I believe voters would be hestitant to take away basic rights once they see that the sky has not fallen with the advent of non-discrimination and DPs. (At least, that’s been the trend in places like Massachusetts.) Fingers crossed!
From a Virginia perspective, I’m jealous. The whole thing really sucks though. Conservatives have it all ass-backwards. The ultra-conservative position, logically, is to mandate marriage for all couples, het or otherwise.
I’ve often pondered the same thing…why does anyone else care? Who is it hurting to afford my partner and I basic rights? We’re no where near recognizing domestic partnerships here in the armpit of the world, a.k.a. the Midwest. My partner and I have been together nearly 10 years, we’ve owner several homes together, we have joint accounts, have raised our son together but in the eyes of the law we’re virtual strangers. It’s ridiculous. It’s a shame.
It defies logic, it really does.
We recently defeated a ballot initiative here in Massachusetts, and the fight is still fresh in my mind. I think you are doing the best thing - talking about it, living your life openly and showing all your friends, neighbors, fellow parents, etc. that when two people of the same gender love and commit themselves to each other it is NO THREAT TO YOU. Write On, RSG!
And by the way, you two have nice nails. And such rings!
Thank you Amy for the clarification. I’ll put it on my calender, actually 1/16/08 is the day we’ll go–it’s two years since we met and the anniversary that we celebrate!
Trop: I wouldn’t want to switch places to live with you for that reason. I don’t know how you and Court do it. Keep fighting.
Lisa: Which is precisely why you should move to Oregon!
Reelgal: Thank you, and thank you. My nails don’t usually look that nice! But my ring IS very nice, thanks to my lovely wife.
Couldn’t agree more. I know I sound snarkey, but I listened to the organizer of Defense of Marriage Again, Marilyn Shannon, on NPR yesterday morning: http://news.opb.org/article/gay-rights-opponents-submit-referendum-signatures/ . She sounded so happy (sans the venomous meaning behind her words), and I kept wondering how she could justify working to hurt her fellow and sister citizens. She sounded gleeful when she said, about the number of valid signatures: “I’m cautiously optimistic that we will make it. I don’t want to say we will or we won’t but I’m very positive about it.” It made me really sad to hear how giddy she was to be prohibiting Oregonians from rights such as the ability for gay and lesbian couples to get healthcare coverage from their partner’s policy, the ability to make medical decisions for each other, co-adopt…AT THE SAME TIME… children, and the ability to inherit assets from the estate (God forbid…). The amount of money it would take to get a lawyer to draw up the documents to cover the few rights I listed is mind boggling.
So, I was thinking about Marilyn and how gleefully bigoted she is. And I was wondering HOW someone gets to be that way. Which, of course, brought me to thinking about religion and some of the narrow interpretations of the scripture.
What would Jesus do, Mailyn? Please! It sure wouldn’t be the Defense of Marriage Again’s attack on Oregonians…I can tell you that.
I could make a snide hetero jok here but I won’t just because this issue pisses me off to no end. I could not possibly care any less who marries whom, as long as it isn’t 14 year old Mormon girls having to marry their 21 year old cousins. I think that the people behind these petition drives are deeply unhappy in their own lives, but for whatever reason, whether religious, cultural or personal, can’t /won’t change them. Without recourse to affect their own lives for the better, they instead seek to make other lives worse, as misery loves nothing so much as company. Fuck them. The tide is changing, albeit slowly. Hopefully it will rise over there head and drown them in their own fear and ignorance.
Wow Limpy, that’s the most serious comment you’ve ever left here. You go!
You tell ‘em girl! Damn straight. Pardon the pun
What beautiful rings the two of you have. I absolutely love them. Congratulations ladies!
Geo and I were just talking about this very subject today.
The anti-gay marriage laws suck. Point blank. Sure I’m married to Geo now; however, what if, Heaven forbid, something happened to him and I meet a woman and I want to marry her?
No! I’m not allowed because the religiously biased laws in this country say it’s a sin! That’s completely asinine!
Who the fuck am I hurting if I want to marry a woman?
Am I personally attacking a fundamentalist and their beliefs? No! But sure as shit in a tin horn they would be standing on my dinner table preaching the word of G-d to me if they knew I married a woman. Get the fuck off my table and out of my house! I didn’t invite them in so why should they give a shit what I do?
Am I beating and drowning my children in the name of G-d? Forcing teenagers to marry adults? Protesting the funerals of soldiers because, of course, G-d hates fags? No, no, NO! But oh, I’m the sick bitch because my heart belongs to a woman.
Sorry. I digress. This is a sore subject with me.
I’m raising my daughter and my son to know love comes in all forms. And my kids are future voters.
RSG, you’ve hit the nail on the head- there is NOTHING about wanting to be with HG that hurt anyone else. Nothing- and no one can effectively make an argument that it does, which is why these cretins don’t even try- they know they’ll lose.
I feel confident that, in WA and OR, we’ll live to see a day where our partners are recognized and our relationships not marginalized. Sooner than later.
And I hope the rest of the ass-backwards country catches up. Sooner or later, the fundies are going to run out of “logical” reasons to deny us rights, and we’ll prevail.
Well, it’s just stupid. Period. You sure as shit aren’t hurting me. And OMG, I would even let my KID stay with you and HG!! GASP!
People are so stupid.
Love you mean it!
That list makes me wonder just how many of those right we have in CT as a civilized (civil union) couple, and it makes me cringe to think the majority of gay/les couples in the US don’t have those rights.
Two competent, consenting adults should have the right to marry (or not) as they see fit, so long as there’s no fraud or foul play involved. Period. The End. I don’t see how there’s even a question about this. It makes me think that the (moral) majority of my fellow countrymen are simply idiots.
A bit of trivia, if these jerks get the dual initiatives on the November 2008 ballot, it will be the FIFTH time that an anti-gay initiative has been on the Oregon Statewide Ballot. Beginning in 1988 (gosh, twenty years ago!!), the now (happly)defunct Oregon Citizens Alliance (OCA) passed Ballot Measure 8 which overturned then Governor Niel Goldschmidt’s Executive Order he signed a year earlier to ban discrmination against LGBT people in state government. Then there was the infamous Measure 9 in 1992, then anti-gay measures in 1994, 2000 and 2004. Happily, only the latter of the measures passed. There were also a lot of local, city and county measures passed by the OCA from 1992 to 1994. HASN’T OREGON BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH!!??? ARGGGG!!!
I have to say that in King County, WA, we registered and finally recieved our little cards that say we are legally domestic partners.
however what is so sad about this, while its a great thing, this little card is designed to go in your wallet and to be carried at all times.
why is it that normal married people dont have to carry around their little piece of paper saying they are married, or together, but as a lesbain i have to carry a piece of paper around and prove it?
why would a nurse take the word of someone saying he is my husband and agree, she may be 20 and him 78, but if i say i am Tina’s wife, they want me to prove it. gees. like i have nothing better to do then run around to all the area hospitals and pretend i am someone elses women.
not that that idea would not be a fantastic April fools joke, but that is a thought for another day.
the best thing i can say from my whole experience, between running to Portland and getting married, (being the man of the house just once) and recieving a little very hard card, saying i am a domestic partner with on the back,… the web site to go and look at my legal rights, is that i made the same committment to Tina as i did at one time to a man. i will love her till death do we part.
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