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Today I am a teacher
Posted under Anxiety, DD's by Recovering Straight GirlI woke from my sleep that did not feel like sleep, it was more like a half-sleep filled with weird dreams that I couldn’t move. It was probably from going to bed mad. I was irritated and belligerent and went to sleep that way, I should know better.
I got up and my wife made me coffee while I prepared for my new mission of the rest of the summer–Summer Home School. Yesterday I bought the girls Summer Bridge Workbooks and told them that we would be doing the workbooks every morning that I don’t have to work at 9:30. They were thrilled beyond excitement tolerant of the idea and actually were ready and willing to do it this morning.
So today I was a teacher.
I mentioned here before that I have been worried about DD#2 for a long time and her ability to learn and process information. All last school year she was being evaluated by the school reading specialist and getting special reading assistance from an aide. Every conference that XH and I had with the specialist, and with the teachers assured us that she was making progress and doing well. The only N (needs improvement) on her report card was in spelling, everything else was good, or at least acceptable.
So why is it today when we were doing Summer Home School that she doesn’t know what 3×7 is? Or 8×4? Or how many times does 4 go in to 36? Sure, when she sits and thinks about it she can figure it out, sometimes needing to write each equation out and count up to see what the number is, but after two solid years of learning multiplication tables, I would think that 3×7 would be something she would grasp.
Again, I am back in a place of wondering if I am failing my child.
I have been assured and re-assured that she is fine. I have trusted that the “experts” know what they are talking about, but my child is entering the fifth grade and doesn’t know what 3×7 is off the top of her head. Do they really know what they’re talking about? I’m starting to wonder.
During our time today, she would get frustrated and slap herself in the face. I told her not to do it, that it was dis-respectful to herself and not okay. Her task was to look things up in the phone book, a friends name, her favorite restaurant, her school. I know it was hard for her and I didn’t make her finish it because I could tell she was getting very frustrated.
I was getting frustrated.
There’s a reason I didn’t become a teacher, it’s frustrating.
I know that I need to look into my options, and I know those options are expensive. XH won’t help out with it, he’s already expressed his opinion, he thinks she’s lazy and doesn’t want her labeled with a “learning disability” that she can use as a crutch for the rest of her life.
So that leave me to figure this out, and like so many things I’m dealing with right now, (trying to find a lawyer to tell me if I have a legal malpractice case, trying to find a lawyer to fix the mistake my stupid lawyer made, trying to figure out how to pay for both of them,) this is daunting.
It’s such a feeling of helplessness to be in such a needy position, and not get the help that you need. Really sucks.
I have called the Bar Association for referrals, and each of them said they couldn’t help me, that I needed a different kind of lawyer. So I call back the Bar and they give me yet another name of another lawyer, IN THE SAME FIRM. The same firm that told me that they couldn’t help me.
I’ve left messages for lawyers.
They don’t call me back.
I
AM
RAMBLING.
And I have digressed.
So today I am a teacher, and it seems that I am a teacher who must do some research to help one of her students.
So I’m off to research.
I guess I’ll put off my studying law for awhile to study learning disabilities.
I am an (almost) 25-year old college graduate, and while I know 3×7 off the top of my head, I do have to think for a minute about 8×4 and 4/36. Math was never ever my strong subject, except geometry, since it was more about shapes than numbers. I remember many evenings spent sitting with my mom after dinner, doing multiplication flash cards, and basically giving up and being difficult while she tried so hard.
Probably the biggest thing that helped me with simple math was working as a cashier for three years, and at some point in college I think things finally “clicked” for me, but even now if you present me with a number problem I start to get nervous.
I have never been good at Math or Spelling. Girls have always had a hard time with math……my good subject was reading. My mother also was worried about me and had me a tutior every other day at great expense. My mother also never gave up, but today I’m a corporate attorney and still have problems with math and spelling, I keep a calculator around at all times with spell check on my computer. No worries, with a mother like you she’ll be just fine.
I can definitely say she is not lazy. My son has had a VERY tough time memorizing his facts. And at fifth grade I’ll bet he didn’t know 3×7 off the top of his head either. It isn’t laziness..some kids have trouble memorizing things. It’s a memory issue/that affects their learning. My son is now going into Middle School and still isn’t a pro at memorizing ALL the facts but he has really shown improvement. They get a calculator for Middle School math so I was assured that it was fine and not to worry. I’d say the same for your daughter. Remember–all kids (AND ADULTS) are not wired the same. Some things don’t come easy to some of us and memorization really can be difficult for some learners. We used cassette tapes (songs with the multiplication facts in them), flashcards etc. It still didn’t come easy. Hug her and just help her best you can. She’s going to be really good at other things in life! Check out http://www.allkindsofminds.com sometime. I have all Dr. Mel Levine’s books–and I recommend them. They shed light on the strengths and weaknesses of kids and memory is just one of the things he talks about. (A Mind At A Time is the best book to start with).
Math is not my subject either, and never has been. I didn’t know most of my multiplication tables when I was in grade five. I finally started learning a lot of them (and other math stuff — minusing, etc.) when a friend and I used to play Monopoly all the time. She was good at math and would always be able to tell if I made a mistake, but I found that eventually after playing that a whole bunch I started to get faster and started to memorize it. I wonder if something like that would help your daughter — playing a game that requires reading and math but in such a way that she won’t even really realize she’s doing it. Or she’ll realize but she won’t mind as much because it’s fun and it’s not the main point of doing whatever she’s doing. Learning math in school is boring, but doing it for something real makes it worth the effort. Just a thought
Oh honey, I could write essays on this. DD#2 sounds a lot like my son at that age. Let me tell you, the problems only escalated once he hit middle school. I never felt like any of the “experts†in public school knew what they were talking about. Even the best public schools have one agenda: to move the kids through and to attain high standardized tests scores. My XH was totally against getting any outside help so I went it alone. Was it expensive? Hell, yes! My partner and I have had to forgo the things like remodeling the kitchen or taking that extra vacation. Is it worth it? Hell, yes!
I have some lists of some good national resources. Having a learning disability isn’t a crutch she’ll lean on; it’s something she’ll overcome with the proper assistance. I’d be happy to send you the info. if you are interested.
Hang in there, I know it is rough!
My son is also entering the the 5th grade this year. He is extremely intelligent and is in a gifted program, but I can assure you that if I asked him what 3×7 is he would struggle with it. Hell, I still struggle a little with multiplication. Mother always knows best, and if you really feel like she has a problem, then by all means do whatever you can for her… but honestly, as long as she isn’t struggling too much with school, it’s probably not that big a deal.
Well, I finally made it to your fair city. Mount Hood is an incredible sight, I’d trade it for the dirty Boston bay any day. It was awesome from the plane!
It’s raining, forcast before I left indicated 70’s all week…wtf!
Well, Ginger is safe, my weekend looks full, I expect to head for Mt St Helens and the Columbia River Gorge…maybe even rent me a windsurfer.
OH YEAH…check out my blog for my pics….
The King
My heart is SO going out to you.
Is there, by chance, a Montessori school in your area that goes beyond preschool? My kids were fortunate to get through 5th and 2nd grades (respectively) before my divorce put the kibosh on tuition… but the did learn math facts because Montessori makes EVERYTHING tangible and touchable. VISIBLE. AUDITORY. Every path on which one might be able to learn is traversed. And THEN they practice. Short little drills for fun and speed (probably not prizes– but lots of positive accolades).
Of course when I was trying to learn various addition and subtraction facts my mom gave me DICE. The school confiscated them (to her lasting mortification) because they thought I was going to start a floating craps game or something.
Boy do I feel your pain, K. We struggle, struggle constantly with Brandon and his attention issues and not memorizing math facts. Although, amazingly enough, when they started division this year he can do it in his head. Everyone tells me he’ll just get it one day, but it’s so hard for me as a parent to see him have such a hard time in school and the resulting low self esteem he has and non-enjoyment of school too.
And it always seemed like I was the parent dealing with this. Finally this year, when it was time for parent/teacher conference #6 (or so, THIS YEAR) I told him that *he* needed to go and be the point man for a change. And thankfully he’s taken a much more active role.
So, hugs to you. I know you’ve got a full plate.
We all learn differently hon. I have no doubt you will find the best thing to help your girlie. Remember, no matter what anyone says, you are her mom and you know her better than anyone. It’s a tough job and yet so worth it. You are doing great.
You obviously are not failing your daughter, you have identified a problem and are taking very positive steps to remedy it.
Remember, this will take time.
Your daughter has a problem, she has devised strategies to help her to focus and concentrate, you have identified one, but you need to help her develop other ways of doing this. Try not to take something away without giving her something else to use.
An identified learning disability is dyslexia, but there is also a disability with numbers which is less well known, but the ’symptoms’ are similar. The upshot is is that it is not easy for a person to memorise numbers or numerical patterns. Again, developing memory strategies helps.
Every little bit of time you spend with her helps, but it will take time.
Don’t lose faith in her school, please see that it is a partnership between you and the school in the development of strategies which will enable your child to learn. Please don’t lose faith in your ability to recognise the problems your children are having, and lastly don’t lose faith in your ability to be able to make a difference.
AC: you need a break… I say meet Hippo at the Pearl place he mentioned on his blog.
Call a medical mal practice insurance company for one of their lawyers - “Medical Protective Ins. Co” is a mal-practice co. The girl at the front desk may give you more info than the Bar.
Your young one is probably more intelligent than realized. She is smart enough to know that if her teachers don’t know by now that she knows ALL her multiplication table, then she is smarter than they are.
Who said that I didn’t read your blog - I love it!
Dear RSG:
I’m a lurker. Read each day. Decided to comment today because
I am a teacher. I have read everyone else’s comments about your DD#2. There is a lot of good information here and I encourage you to reach out to other parents with similar experiences.
From my point of view in front of the classroom, this is what I would tell you: Your daughter will be successful.
I could launch into an entire lecture here, but I’ll try to summarize.
1.) Our school system is still based on antiquated theory that IN NO WAY matches the mental development of children. Case in point: high schools start earlier in the morning than elementary while we know high school-aged students need more hours of sleep at that stage of development. Second case in point: We ask children to memorize the capitols of the states when developmentally, they are unable to grasp geographical concepts such as country, state, and county. Why? That’s how rich boys of the aristocracy used to be taught, why change it now? Who is going to stand up and say, “Scrap the whole system. Let’s start over.â€
2.) Children and adults learn by comparing, analyzing, and synthesizing new information against / into concepts they have already mastered. Memorizing multiplication tables or parts of speech is a frustrating activity for children because the information is meaningless. How does an elementary student apply this information? To what? What can she compare it to? Think about DD#2’s day outside of school. Where would she apply this naturally? But, if a child has learned her multiplication tables, the school / teachers have something to show you and something to grade a child by. So, we fall back to this time and time again. Despite our system, your daughter will learn 3 x 7 when she needs it and when it makes sense.
3.) I have worked with many many parents of children who have struggled in school. Some have given up, some have spent a lot of $$. After teaching for years, I can tell you that each child finds his or her “place” in this world. Your daughter will gravitate towards her strengths. Example: I had a student who struggled with his writing skills. Parents, child, we were all frustrated, tears, weekly meetings. He became an architect and still can’t avoid fragments. But, when he stops by my classroom to chat I can tell he’s found his place. He is happy. So, I question all those hours of meetings, how often he dreaded my class. Why was it so important? Why couldn’t we take a step back and look at the ‘big’ picture? This was a happy, eager student, a pleasant child to be around, but because he couldn’t write the perfect essay . . .
I know it is impossible not to worry about your child, but I hope this has helped. The next time you’re having a glass of wine with a group of friends, take a moment to think about multiplication tables. “Do all these people know 12 x 8? Does is matter?â€
I believe that I responded to most of you privately, but I wanted to say again how much I appreciate the very well thought comments and advice you have all given me. It once again affirms to me how fab the people of the world are and how great it is to be part of the blogging community.
Thank you, thank you. And any more info, I’ll gladly take.
You are handling it all VERY well, considering all that’s being thrown at you right now. I have trouble with math and I am 30, so there ya go. Although I am sure you are a very good teacher, have you considered getting a tutor? Sometimes it is hard for a parent to tutor their own child because there is a lot of emotion involved. (I speak from experience; my dad is a tutor, and would often get frustrated with me when I didn’t get something right.) Tutors can be cheap, so it might be worthwhile. Just because she is having trouble now does not mean she will in the future. She could have a bad math teacher in her class, or just be having trouble with math at this time in life. She also may not be that motivated to study math because, well, let’s face it it’s summer, and who among us is motivated during summer? (: Anyway, whatever the issue(s), I am confident it will all work out.
I followed the link from Kim’s (Trop) blog and just happened to start reading from the top. Pardon my intrusion - it’s boring at work this afternoon and I was just surfin’. I’m an old internet buddy of Kim’s.
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I work for a law firm in Maryland and I can ask the partners here if there is anyone in your area that can help you out with your (potential) medical malpractice case. If you’re in Maryland, the firm I work for (www.rlls.com) can help you out (or at least talk to you). We’re a part of the State Capital Law Group and can refer cases all over the world.
You should be able to see my email address and can contact me directly…if you would like any help. At least I can see what we can do for you and get you in the right direction.
Good luck with everything!
Donna
I just wanted to toss in an interesting article I stumbled upon a few months ago, in case it helps and the same principle can be applied to DD2. Good luck and great job, mom.
RSG, you know I’m a teacher, I primarily work with kids from Kinder-fifth (technology integration now, and previously taught first, second and fifth grades). I can tell you that as much as it shocks the teacher in me, it’s not uncommon today for kids going into fifth grade (and some leaving fifth grade) to still not have the immediate recall of their facts. I have TONS of online resources I can pass on to you, if you want.
The “label” of LD doesn’t make a child lazy or allow them to use it as a crutch. It allows them to receive services to be succesful, and in the course of those services they learn strategies which help with the goal of success.
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