Much better now…

It’s Day Six without HG and I’m doing much better today.  I think actually I’m getting a little used to this being alone thing for awhile.  I guess I had better be used to it, as HG and I agreed that she would go and visit her BFF for ten days every three months or so, as well as have a couple of other weeks to visit her family or go elsewhere.  I guess I needed a few days to feel sad about that and get myself into a space that I feel okay about it.

Relationships aren’t always easy, they require a lot of give and take.  HG gives me a LOT all of the time, and I need to give her what she needs, I’m trying to figure that out as I go.

There are still a lot of things that need figuring and most of them have to do with me.  I have a lot of things to process and solve having to do with my future career moves and such.  So much of my decision making has to filter through the fact that I am a single mom and everything that I do will affect my children and that their care comes first before my personal job happiness.  I don’t care for my Glamorous Waitressing Job, but it works for my family at this time as far as the flexibility goes.  I know I’ll work something else out and I have a few things in the planning stages, it will happen.

Sometimes it just feels overwhelming.

Last night I went out with some friends from work, we went to karoke at a horrible little smoky dive bar that is so skanky you feel like you need to shower afterward.

It was great.

We had loads of fun and I sang several songs and even participated in Suicide Karoke, where the KJ randomly picks a song for you to sing.  Everyone else got easy songs like the Beatles, yours truly gets a Three Dog Night song that I haven’t heard since about 1978.

I stayed out too late and felt a little yucky today from all of the first and second hand smoke that I inhaled, (not to mention the few Vodka presses I had…) but it was well worth it.

We met some bikers and I had a fascinating conversation with one of them and learned all sorts of things about biker organizations.  Did you know that they have charters and boards of directors and dues, and follow Roberts Rules of Order to conduct their meetings? I didn’t.  Anyway, my friend Carrie told the biker dudes that we were all strippers at Starz in Salem.  They’ll be stopping in there next week to see us dance.

A little later, two of the biker dudes wives came over to tell us to stop talking to their men.  Okay.  No problem.  I may be butch, but I’m not taking on a chick who wears leather and rides a Harley, no sir, not me.

This morning I met my dear friend Michelle and her precious, precious sweet baby girl for coffee and then had lunch with my neighbor.  I even did some laundry, took out the trash and thoughfully considered what to do about the backyard lawn that is getting quite long.  I didn’t do anything about it, but I did thoughtfully consider it.

Perhaps tomorrow I’ll consider it some more.

Things are much better now.  I think I’ll be just fine.