It’s Day Four

Posted under Anxiety, Being RSG by Recovering Straight Girl

The new prescription my doctor gave me for my sleep disturbances and anxiety worked great to help me sleep; like I could have slept for about 20 hours.  She told me I could decide how much to take (1-3) pills.  I took two, thinking it was in the middle and it knocked me on my ass for sure!  Tonight, I took one.

I think I’m beginning to get used to being alone.  These last two days have been tough because the girls have been gone to their dad’s house and the plans that I had made fell through.  I’ve been spending a lot of time playing around with my Mac and transferring info from my PC.  I decided that I take too many pictures.

My house is a mess.  I have no motivation to do anything about it, no one is going to see it except for me, and frankly I don’t care.  It almost feels like a little bit of rebellion, not cleaning up.  HG is soooo neat all of the time, and keeps our house very clean and picked up.  My not cleaning it up almost feels like my snubbing my nose at her being gone.  Very mature, I know.

I really am a royal bitch.  She calls and tells me about the things that she is doing, and part of me just wants to say, “How nice for you.  I’m just here at home, maybe I’ll do something just as fun like put in a load of laundry!”  Of course I don’t, I just think it, (and write it…)

It’s coming to the home stretch.  I work a double shift tomorrow, then the girls will be back on Monday and the rest of the week will fly by, I’m sure it will.  I hope it will.

Certainly I sound like a spoiled, co-dependent, immature, insecure crazy person.  Well, I probably am most of those things, but mostly I’m just in love with the person who completes my life and not having her around royally sucks.  I know that part of loving someone is supporting and wanting the things that will make them happy.  More than anything I want HG to be happy and fill the areas in her life that are missing in our day to day life.  I want her to feel as complete as I am, even if I turn into a whiny baby in the process.

The good news?  It’s 11:00, and that is a respectable time to go to bed.  Oh, and if you Google “Co-Dependent Support Group Portland, OR” you’ll see my site sixth on the list.

Who knew?