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Carpet, Cocktails, and Catastophe
Posted under Anxiety by Recovering Straight GirlToday began poorly.
And ended poorly.
All I can say about the in-between is that HG and I shared about two blissful hours of picking out new recycled carpet tiles for our living room from this fabulous place, and shared two lovely cocktails at a lovely gay-owned bar nearby.
The rest of the day.
Sucked.
Sometimes I wonder if I/we just get so emotionally charged from the stressful events of our lives that we are unable to properly communicate what’s really going on.
Other times I wonder if “blending” a family just sometimes gives you the color gray.
Other times I wonder if there is just something inherently wrong with me that causes me to react emotionally/irrationally/unreasonably to the point of not realizing that I’m reacting emotionally/irrationally/or unreasonably.
Everyone brings different things to relationships.
I happen to bring: baggage, issues, and loose strings. The main one is the baggage, and that baggage will sometimes cause a “strife” from time to time; and most of that baggage is fear.
Fear of being abandoned.
Fear of being neglected.
Fear of being abused.
And just fear. Plain old fear.
So I hide here, in a place that brings me comfort and safety, because the rest of it is too scary. I know that I shouldn’t hide; that I should be the “one” to wear the big girl panties and make everything all better. But sometimes I can’t find my big girl panties.
Because sometimes, they’re in the laundry.
I think the blending takes time. It took my partner and I a while to get the whole thing “down.” It wasn’t always easy, but nearly nine years later it is wonderful. (Not that is wasn’t wonderful then- just lots of issues to be worked out.) And I did bring plenty of baggage from my previous marriage- many of the issues you have mentioned. Be patient with yourself. It is work to get through these things. But it sounds like to me that HG is one that will be there to hold your hand as you go through them.
I wish I had words of wisdom to give to you. Most unfortunately, my words are laced with sarcasm and dry humor. I doubt either will be of much help right now.
But I will say this, no worries. Yep, that’s all I say to my muckers who are going through a touch of a spell.
So, to you my friend, I say … no worries.
Blending is hard. Three years later and Court, Amanda and I are still working at it. Hang in there; it is worth the bumps and bruises that occur along the way.
You can’t wear the same big girl panties 365 days straight, RSG. It’s unhygienic. On laundry days, you’re allowed to stand in front of the mirror and say, “Damn, these are hot bacon knickers I’m wearin’.”
(Too much of the panty metaphor? lol)
This is a great post. So real. I think it is very courageous to admit one’s fears, so to me, you are one brave woman. Hope your weekend is better.
You’re much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Big girl panties or not.
Blended families are hard.
Really
really
really
hard
I lost my big girl panties a long time ago too.
I want to find them again.
Hang in there… fresh panties are on the way!
I can send you a pair of Maidinks .
or you left your dancing-karaoke-singing-big-girl-strapless-bra in California.
Honey…You know I feel ya.
I better, it’s 3 in the morning and I am huddled under the covers with my laptop hoping to God that the cocktail of pills I took will help me fall asleep.
I love you.
I do hope that today is better. ((((HUGS))))
I’m terrified at the thought of blending my family which right now is simply me and my Little Man. At least with it just being the 2 of us I can feel some sense of safety.
Fear is a part of my everyday. And I hate it. I have many of same fears and many many more. Way too many to even list.
I understand COMPLETELY! We have a blended famly of five kids and this past weekend was probably one of the suckiest we have had in years! We have lived together for 4 years, and it is still hard at times. And….we are insane enough to be getting married this July in Vancouver and we are taking the kids. I wonder if we should just shoot ourselves now…
Kerry
Life is stressful. When is someone else liable to take responsibility for things not turning out the way you planned/expected/imagined? And when you feel at a loss…at a wit’s end…where do you find comfort? Where do you find peace?
This is what I am feeling today.
I hear ya.
My own personal experience is that blending sucks most of the time. There are moments however when it is lovely. Peace.
RSG, you are such an inspiration to those of us who are still getting out of the house to set up house with our partners. We are scared to death before we even take the leap that we will be left, or abandoned, or just not wanted as much. Folks say to take it one day at a time, but ya know, sometimes it’s all you can do to take it hour by hour. Please, please remember that we are all here for you. Love ya, Beverly
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