Let me bring you some change

Posted under Bitching and Complaining, Glamorous Waitressing by Recovering Straight Girl

Today after dropping HG off at the Portland International Airport I was off to a shift at my Glamorous Waitressing Job, which I must say, I am beginning to detest.

It was an average Monday that started off with my being sat two tables of old ladies. Now, typically I like an old lady as much as the next person, but one in particular was a royal pain in the ass. She complained about how much the wine cost, and then she complained about the size of her portion of Tilapia, then she complained that it was brown.

I said to her, “Bitch, it’s coated and pan seared, of course it’s brown,” walked away and instructed the hostess not to seat me anymore old ladies.

Okay, so I thought that, I didn’t really say it, but I did tell the hostess no more old ladies. She didn’t seat me any, that lady left and I pocketed the $2.00 dollar tip she left woo-hoo!

The next group of people to sit at that same table were two men, waiting for someone else to join them. I greeted them, took their drink order, brought them their drink, asked them how their day was, etc and left them to wait for the last of their party to arrive.

Not two minutes later, I was standing at the table directly next to them and I hear the one guy (Dumbass #2,) say to the other guy, (Dumbass #1,) “Is that our waitress?” pointing to me. DA #1 shakes his head yes, although you know he wasn’t quite sure either. DA#2 motions for me to come over, looks at me inquisitorially and says,

“Are you the lucky person who gets to take our order today?”

Seriously people.

That is what he said.

I just looked at him with my, “I-can’t-believe-you-just-said-that-you-stupid-fuck” look and said, “Well, aren’t you waiting for Dumbass #3?” To which he replied that he was going to order for Dumbass #3, because God forbid, they wait five more minutes for him to arrive. Busy day, you know, lots to do…

He told me that DA#3 wanted a cheeseburger.

“Oh,” I said, “And how would Dumbass #3 like his cheeseburger prepared?”

Dumbass #2 didn’t know.

“And what would Dumbass #3 like as his side item?”

Dumbass #2 didn’t know.

“And would Dumbass #3 like to start off with a salad or soup?”

Dumbass #2 didn’t know.

“Well.” I said, “We’ll just have to wait for him to arrive, won’t we?”

Which he did, just a few minutes later and I got to do that whole song and dance again, although this time with answers.

And as busy and impatient as those three were, they managed to hang out long enough for coffee and to tell me that I did a “really good job.”

Yeah, because that made up for the pain and suffering they caused me.

It was a typical day and really I should be thankful. No one made hand gestures to me to tell me what they wanted to drink or was on their cell phone every time I came over to the table. For the most part, everyone was on their best behavior, because it was, after all Monday and they were all quite busy.

I’m working on wrapping up this waitressing gig. Of course, things like being shorted $800.00 in child support in one month doesn’t help matters and makes it difficult to move on to anything else. I am earning a living, pitiful as it is and kids need to eat, and they need stuff, like braces and swimming lessons and shit.

And I need things too.

Like Sushi and Pinot Noir, and chocolate, and cable.

Important things.

So unless I see an add on Craiglist for a “Princess,” I’ll have to suck it up and keep putting up with people and their endless bullshit. Difficult as it is sometimes, it does allow me to do my main job of taking care of my children and spending time with HG.

Which means a lot more to me than money.

But not quite as much as Pinot Noir.