It’s Harvest Time

It’s Halloween week, look out for spooks and ghouls, and drunks and sluts.

Also, be careful of clocks that turn themselves back for “Fall Back.” Those clocks did not get the memo that “Fall Back” is occurring on November 3rd this year, brilliant concept that is supposed to save us energy. I’m not exactly sure how this works, considering it’s so damn dark in the morning that I have to have the lights on, AND I have to drive my kids to school because I don’t want them waiting for the bus in the dark. So actually. I am using more energy than I would otherwise. Someone explain this to me?

I love my children.

I miss them when the are away for the weekend. But.

They come home on Monday after school and they DON’T STOP TALKING.

Seriously. I’m talking continuous, non-stop-talking.

Wednesday

is Halloween and I am DD#2’s Room Coordinator for her class, which means that I have planned the Harvest Party. I am taking this opportunity to teach the children a little about the Harvest Celebrations from around the world, which means that all of you, my nice blogging friends on the internet, get to hear my shpiel about it first.

A long, long time ago, The Celtics who inhabited what is now Great Britain would celebrate the end of the harvest from October 31st through November 2nd, and called it Samhain, (pronounced, Sow-en). This marked the beginning of the new year, or the “dark half of the year”. They believed that this was a time when the lines between the living and the dead, were blurred. They hung out, drank, ate, and bobbed for apples, all while trying to stay warm.

Then the religious nuts came into the picture, they were all bugged by the Celtics and their Pagan rituals and GOD forbid, anyone have any kind of holiday that didn’t include Christianity. So they did what they did to all Pagan holidays, and Christianized them with a sprinkle of holy water and a declaration. The Catholics decided that November 1st was a Christian holiday, and named it All Saints Day, or All Hallowmas, a day to celebrate martyrs and saints. The night before All Hallowmas (which means mass of the saints,) is called All Hallow’s Eve, which eventually was shortened to Halloween. Later, November 2nd was declared All Soul’s Day, which had remnants of it’s orginal Celtic beginnings. Celebrations would take place on this day where children would beg for certain food, or “soul cakes” in exchange for prayers for the givers dead relatives. The church was cool with this practice, because it felt that it was better than it’s original tradition of leaving food for rogue spirits, (very non-Christian, very no-no.) This practice of begging for soul cakes or “going a-souling” eventually turned in to our modern “trick or treating.” Trick or Treating, however did not begin until around the 1930’s in the United States when some genius decided that this was a great time for candy companies to make bank.

Go capitalism!

So that’s basically it friends. Now, you’re in the know.

Stay tuned for Part Two of Harvest Time Around The World when our special guest will be LeLo in NoPo. LeLo, (as long as she’s off her sick bed,) will be making a trip out to the Scary Suburbs where she will be presenting a photographic lecture on Day of the Dead celebrations in Guadalajara, Mexico for all the students in DD#2’s fifth grade class. Yeah LeLo! And yeah me for spelling Guadalajara correctly.

Now. Y’all get busy on your costumes. You have only two days left.

I guess it wasn’t God after all

Apparently all of those fires in the liberal blue state of California were started by an arsonist and not God.

Well,  no worries, I’m sure that FEMA and the insurance companies will be handing out blank checks left and right to all of the rich white people in the Golden State. I’m actually surprised that re-construction efforts aren’t underway as we speak.

And the president is on his way there to survey the damage. Oh Lord.  That’s like the second coming of Christ.

The Republicans need those California votes in 2008.

Look out California, here they come.

Relatively Random

I find myself with a little spare time today.  I was supposed to have a ladies lunch with Witchtrivets, but sadly, her day job got in the way of our lunching.  I have been working (a lot,) at my Glamorous Waitressing job in preparation for the time I will miss while I am in Mexico AND to pay for DD#1’s exorbitant basketball fees.  Her basketball fees are so high, that they have cut into my stripper budget, leaving me sans entertainment tomorrow evening.

I’m sure we’ll think of something to do to occupy our time.  If that something has anything to do with napping, I certainly will not be making any comments on how simultaneous orgasms are such a “time saver.”  Nope.  I would never say anything like that.

Speaking of HG.

She got herself a new job.  Which means one major thing.

I will now be in charge of the laundry, which is so not pretty.  Be prepared for many, many, posts about my lack of laundry ability.  It’s not my strong point, never has been, and I don’t think it ever will be, but I will give it a good college try.

Speaking of college.

Now that HG has new employment, I am going to take some classes.  I’m still not sure what I want to be, but I am going to start at starting and we’ll see what happens. It’s been a long time since I’ve stepped into any classroom that wasn’t filled with students under the age of 10, so we’ll see how it goes.  I might have to start smoking pot in the middle of the day.  Well, that’s what I did when I went to college the first time!

Speaking of pot.

I think with my free time today, I will start canning my apples that we bought last weekend.

Because that’s how random I am today!

Burn in Hell, not California

Last week I listened to a news story about a tornado that went through some town in the south. No one was killed and the man who was interviewed said, “The only explanation is the Lord saved us.”

Hmm. I wondered. So God only likes certain people enough to save them? I don’t think I buy it, but what do I know?

Now there are fires in California.  I wonder what Jerry Falwell will say about this?

Oh, he won’t say anything because he’s dead. Why is he dead? He is dead because God did not save him from cheeseburgers and high fat food that clogged his arteries. If Jerry were alive, I’m sure he would say that the fires have something to do with the gay people. And more specifically, gay Harry Potter characters, recently outed.

The blue state of California is burning up and so far, hardly anyone has perished. So what does that mean? God is okay with burning up California, but He likes the Californian’s enough not to let them die in the fire? Or maybe God has nothing to do with the fire itself, ( because that is apparently caused by a wind,) and is only saving the lives of the people in it.

I think that this must mean that God loves liberals. Yep. Liberals and movie stars and that’s why He is saving everyone from burning up.

Or maybe those who live in Malibu and along the coast of California actually have the resources available to flee a disaster?

Nope. It’s got to be God. For sure.

Jesus loves me this I know…

For The Bible Tells Me So.

Amazing film. Completely compelling, utterly emotional, funny, sad, shocking.

HG and I went to see this film last night with LeLo and AdRi, and were blown away by how good it was. If you have the opportunity to see this film in your area, don’t pass it up; you will be so glad you experienced it. I believe that everyone, gay, straight, religious, agnostic, everyone should see this film and be educated on the points, counter-points, and demonstration of moronic ignorance that most people believe.

If it’s not showing in your area, watch the DVD when it’s available. Don’t worry, I’ll remind you.

Oh.

And the film may have caused me to have a teensey-weensey little crush on

Chrissy Gephardt.

HG says she’s definitely crush-able, and concurs.

Please? No flannel on the beach.

I believe that I have mentioned here that HG and I are embarking on a lovely vacation in a few weeks. We will be going here:

to beautiful Nuevo Vallarta on an Oliva vacation. It will be sunny, warm, fun-filled, and best of all, only lesbians will be there. (Actually, the BEST part is that all of our cocktails are included, but the lesbians are definitely a high up second.)

So, to lead up to our tropical paradise vacation, I have participated in the little online forum for our group. I have read all of the posts, commented once or twice and “met” some nice ladies. One thing that came up recently which I found quite disappointing was that the “Casual Elegance” dress code that the resort requires for it’s dining areas does not apply to us. I found this a bit odd, so I posted a comment about how it was a bit insulting that the dress code standards were being lowered for a group of lesbians. Practically no one agreed with me, and I heard all sorts of reasons including: “It’s vacation, we should be able to relax,” “I don’t want to pack more clothes,” “Some people can’t afford to buy special clothes just for dinner,” “We’ll have the resort all to ourselves, so it doesn’t matter.”

Okay, I heard the reasons, but I still don’t quite get it. If one is spending a minimum of $2,000.00 per person to go on this vacation, one should be able to throw together a nice blouse and a pair of capris for dinner. And I think, that because we have the resort all to ourselves, we should make an extra effort to look nice. Who want to have a nice dinner seated next to someone in a tank top and running shorts?

Yesterday, we received our travel packet where it clearly states that the dress is, “cool, comfortable, casual! Swimsuits, shorts, t-shirts, pareos and sandals”

So, let’s try to understand this.  The Olivia travelers aren’t expected to adhere to a dress code, but they’re expected to know what a pareo is?

It’s disappointing. Not because I want to pack my ball gowns, but because it sends a message that a group of lesbians don’t have enough class to adhere to a dress code standard that is set for everyone else. Lesbians have a hard enough time combating the stereotype that we have no fashion sense, wear flannel, only keep our hair cut in a mullet and wear socks with our sandals. Let’s not add to this by assuming that we don’t have enough style to adhere to a “Casual Elegance” dress code. I seriously doubt that travel companies who cater to gay men do this, and I know that typical couples resorts, such as this one, keep a fairly strict dress code standard for their usual guests. Just not the lesbians I guess.

However. I do not care. I will be dressed in my Casual Elegance, looking very casual, yet very elegant. And so will HG. Because I will be picking out her clothes for her, and our outfits will coordinate.

Because that’s the kind of doily dyke I am.

13

My kid is 13.

I’m the mother of a teenager. That makes me…

Old.

We had a small family party for her last night. She had her friends party at her dad’s girlfriends condo last Friday. I put on my big girl panties and tried to be okay with the fact that I wasn’t involved in that, it was fine. She had fun, and I didn’t have any mess to clean up.

So yesterday, on her birthday, I took her out of school early and we went to lunch.

(I had the Bloody Mary, because I felt like it was partially my day too!)

A lady sat behind us with her baby and apologized up front in case her baby stared at us too much. I told her no worries, that this was MY baby and she was celebrating her 13th birthday. The lady said, “Wow, 13, you make it that far.”

It’s hard to believe.

Here she was at 7.

And 8.

I don’t know where the time has gone.

So there you go. I have a teenager and it’s all down hill from here I suppose.  Right now, she still likes me a lot.  Probably because I take her to lunch and buy her very expensive cell phones for her birthday.  That should last for a few months, I hope.

Tomorrow HG and I are going to the PLGFF showing of For The Bible Tells Me So, with LeLo and AdRi.  I’m so excited to be going out on a school night, and so excited for the movie.

Tonight, however I am off to the kitchen to make Stuffed Cabbage Rolls.  What’s better than that on a rainy cold day?

Nada.

Ciao y’all.

Emily-X

I received an interesting e-mail from Planned Parenthood yesterday about a project they are doing to contrast one going on right now by Anti-Choice groups.  One of their employees/activists, Emily X is chronicling  40 of her work days through blog posts, the project is called, I Am Emily X.  It’s very interesting stuff, and to make it even more interesting, she is counting the number of protesters that she encounters every day and asking for a pledge (per protester) for Planned Parenthood.  Kind of like a walk-a-thon, only different.

This is a national campaign, not just Portland as I first thought, so I wanted to be sure to bring it to the attention of the nice people who visit this blog.  I will be pledging and I hope that you will too.  Our reproductive rights are in jeopardy and it is important that we all do our part to bring awareness and education to people everywhere.

Planned Parenthood began in 1916 during a time when women were not allowed to have a bank account, buy property, get a divorce, or have any say in reproductive decisions.  They had no access to birth control or abortions and often died early deaths because of the toll of multiple pregnancies on their bodies.  Through the years, Planned Parenthood has counseled and helped millions of women with providing birth control, education on STD’s, provided pap smears, breast exams, and pregnancy terminations.  Planned Parenthood has also driven laws and advocated for reproductive freedoms for all women.

The complete history of Planned Parenthood is here.  I highly recommend reading it, if only to grasp an understanding of how far we have come in a relatively short period of time.  And how important it is that we don’t go backwards.  One point that really struck me.  Until 1965, there were still laws prohibiting married couples from obtaining birth control.  Can you even imagine?

Most of us have probably used the services offered by Planned Parenthood at one time or another.  My mother was very educated and hip and took me to the gynecologist for me to obtain birth control when I was 16.  Because all mothers weren’t as smart as mine, I would do my part to help my friends and drive them to the clinic, so that they could also be protected.

Once, when I was a junior in high school a friend of mine, Amy H. told me that she had missed a couple of periods.  I told her that perhaps she was pregnant, which she didn’t think was possible despite the fact that she had been having unprotected sex.  Amy was a very naive girl who came from a very large Catholic Family.  The kind of family that didn’t talk about sex to their children, they just assumed that their daughters would wait until they were married, then have ten kids like they did.  After several discussions, I finally convinced Amy to go to Planned Parenthood to have a pregnancy test, (this was before home pregnancy tests.)  After a quick confirmation, the clinician told Amy that she was indeed pregnant.  Amy didn’t want to believe her and insisted that she repeat the test.  There was no need, Amy’s physical exam proved her pregnancy.  At that time in Pennsylvania, it was ILLEGAL for a health provider to give information to a patient about how to obtain an abortion, and this health provider was only allowed to say that if Amy wanted to keep her options open, she would have to act fast, she was nearly 10 weeks pregnant and in Pennsylvania, it was illegal to have an abortion after 12 weeks.

I made Amy an appointment in Harrisburg, (the state capitol, two hours away, the closest place to obtain an abortion.)  Amy’s boyfriend was going to take her.

She didn’t go.

I made her another appointment.  She didn’t go.

By this time it was too late and she and her boyfriend spoke to his mother and they decided she would continue the pregnancy.  By this time, she was showing and could feel movement.  Amy played basketball, and during a game a parent from another team said, “Who’s the pregnant girl on the team?”

Amy still hadn’t told her very religious Catholic parents.

When she did tell her parents, they completely freaked out, put her immediately in the car and drove her to Washington, D.C.  In D.C., you could legally obtain a second trimester abortion and that’s what they did.  Even though Amy had decided to continue her pregnancy, her parents gave her no option and she underwent a fairly complicated induced labor abortion, at around 16 weeks gestation.

All of which could have been prevented by education and communication and access to safe and effective birth control.

Amy’s story has always been one that stayed with me, and even though this took place more than twenty years ago, I’ll never forget how afraid she was.  I often wonder what she’s doing now, if she’s married, a mother?  And how that experience changed her.

I have been asked at times if my feelings of being pro-choice changed after I had children myself.  I usually answer, “yes.”  I feel more pro-choice than before I had children, because I know what it’s like to be pregnant and give birth.  And no one, ever should be forced to go through something like that against their will. Even more than being pro-choice regarding abortion, I am pro-education, pro-birth control, and believe in being pro-active.  It’s time to finally wake up and smell the coffee about these ridiculous abstinence only sex education program and be real with people.

Be the change.

Outing

Last weekend, HG and I went to Powell’s to pick up a book that I wanted by Pagan Kennedy. They were out of the book, but I somehow managed to buy a few others. On the way out of the store, I picked up a copy of Just Out, Portland’s Gay and Lesbian monthly newspaper. The front cover was about Portland’s upcoming Lesbian and Gay Film Festival, and on the way home, I opened up to the title story. The first paragraph was about Queer cable shows, the second paragraph said this:

“Mainstream film, too, remains quite preoccupied with all things homo, whether blatantly in films like I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry or more subtly in casting lesbians like Jodie Foster in a film like The Brave One, which in earlier times would have been the province of the bloodthirsty, revenge-seeking hetero male hero.”

Did I miss something? Because I consider myself pretty hip to my pop-culture celebrity news and I don’t ever remember Jodi Foster publicly coming out of any closet.

This bothered me. Not because I don’t think that Jodi probably does play for our team, but it’s her private life and if she has chosen to keep her sexual orientation to herself, that’s her business. Why is it okay for a reporter to publish an article denoting her as a lesbian when she hasn’t acknowledged that fact? I don’t think it is okay, and I don’t think that it’s responsible journalism. It’s one thing to write your opinion on your personal blog or whatever, but that is not what this was. I am disappointed that a gay and lesbian publication would be so insensitive to a person’s sexuality that they would take liberties to assume in print their orientation.

Unless of course I missed something, then please correct me if I am wrong.

Edit:  I didn’t realize when I wrote this that today is National Coming Out Day!  Come out, come out, wherever you are.  (If you’re ready, that is…)

A Heart Attack Waiting to Happen

I have a little phrase in our house lately when the girls do something that I know will not be well received by HG.  I’ll say, “Girl’s, are you trying to give Mama C. a heart attack?”  This is appropriate for all things that may annoy HG, like them leaving their shit personal items all over the place, not making their beds, screaming at the top of their lungs, you know, the usual.

Today, I am worried.

Our good friends, who got married not so long ago are somewhere in the middle of the Caribbean on their honeymoon right now and we graciously volunteered to watch their two children for two of the days that they are gone.  Okay, in actuality they watched our girls when we were in Hawaii last year and paybacks are hell, what’s fair is fair.

I’m on my way to my Glamorous Waitressing Job, leaving HG here with FIVE children.  I asked her what she was going to do today while I was at work and she answered, “Kill myself.”

God have mercy on our household today.