Old programs and old wounds are hard to remove and difficult to heal

Recently I’ve been trying to get the DD’s computer working properly. It was my computer before I got my fancy laptop; it’s only a few years old and has had little use and virtually no files stored on it. Unfortunately the girls download all kinds of crap and attachments and I don’t think my virus protection was strong enough to protect it. Hence; it’s in bad, bad shape right now.

In the past couple of years, I’ve had to teach myself a lot of techie stuff that I never had to deal with before and for the most part, I’ve done okay.

Until now.

DD#2 got a digital camera, and DD#1 got an iPod for Christmas and I really don’t want them constantly on my laptop downloading and uploading or any kind of loading. So, I have been doing my best trying to delete old programs, install new and get rid of the bad stuff on the hard drive. It’s a slow, slow process because the computer doesn’t seem to want to change. It wants to stay in it’s same dysfunctional state, dragging itself, not performing and making all of us miserable.

As I have been repeatedly clicking Add/Remove Programs trying to get the bad stuff deleted and waiting, and waiting, and waiting for it to respond, I started thinking about how much we ourselves are similar to our computers.

New software installs so quickly, so easily, just a couple clicks of the mouse and it’s in; removing it? Doesn’t go so smoothly, it’s resistent, it will keep asking you, “Are you sure you want to delete this program? A program is always easier to install than to remove.

Not unlike ourselves.

It’s easier to gain weight than lose it, or give a compliment rather than receive one. We’re more likely to pick up a bad habit than a good one, and once we do pick up the bad habit, it’s usually very difficult to get rid of it. Kind of like Spyware, or Internet Worms, or Viruses.

For a person who had been in a difficult relationship for many years the brain becomes programmed with all sorts of very negative messages and patterns that are hard to get rid of. There are wounds that were inflicted over a period of many, many years that sometimes never heal; or just when you think they are healed, something, from somewhere, will suddenly rip it open again, exposing you to the same pain that you felt at the moment you received it the first time.

When you’ve been in a difficult relationship with someone who wasn’t very nice to you for a long time, your identity, self-worth and self-esteem gets programmed with doubt and crticism, uncertainty, confusion and craziness. You sometimes re-live that programming when unrelated things or statements from another person altogether will cause that program to operate again. Years later, when you’re no longer in that difficult relationship, and you’re in a good place; it still feels impossible to delete that kind of programming from your brain.

And we don’t come with an Add/Remove Program button.

I think I’ve finally given up on the girl’s computer and I will be forced to admit defeat and drop it off at CompUSA.

I wonder where I can drop off my brain?