RSG, the Media Critic: “The Kids Are All Right”

A couple of weeks ago I was invited to a screening of the film, “The Kids Are All Right,” starring Annette Benning and Julianne Moore. The publicity company contacted me and set me up with some sweet reserved press seats to which Cher and I were personally escorted to. This made me feel quite fancy and important and I liked the movie already. Ok, that didn’t really influence me but I did feel super posh.

I have thoughts about this movie and I’ve waited awhile to write about this until I was sure of those thoughts. If you haven’t seen the movie and don’t want to know the main storyline, don’t continue reading

The story is about a lesbian couple with two teenage children, one of who recently turned 18. The children seek out their donor and make contact with him, much to the dismay of their moms. A relationship ensues: the donor with the daughter, the donor with the son and the donor with one of the moms (Moore.)

There were things I liked: I liked the fact that the lesbian couple was portrayed with normality–they were a typical couple dealing with life and family and frankly sometimes that is difficult and dready. They loved each other but had issues to work through just like most couples. They loved their children very much and gave them a good and stable home and raised them to be seemingly good people.

The acting was glorious. The photography was amazing. It was funny and touching in many parts.

Moore and Benning actually looked like middle aged women, which is refreshing.

There were things I didn’t like:

Many parts of the movie reinforce stereotypes that we as lesbians have tried to overcome. I would like to dispell them here:

1. Lesbians do not need to watch gay porn in order to get off. Many of us enjoy watching porn of different kinds and gay porn is pretty rad but it’s not a required accoutrement to lezzie sex.

2. Lesbians are not waiting for the right guy to come along or need a good fuck to make us realize we’re not gay.

3. Although I know many lesbians who enjoy wine (myself included,) we’re not all wine lushes.

The Julianne Moore character needed someone and something in her life that happened to turn out to be in the form of some straight fucking. Her self esteem was in the tank and she was needy and vulnerable and ended up with a dude. Although I understand this was an example of sexual fluidity, I don’t think that a mainstream audience will get this message.

This movie could have been more than it was. I realize that no matter how it would have been made, there would be people who would criticize it’s authenticity and resemblance to actual lesbian relationships.Lesbian relationships are not much different than hetero relationships, which is to say that they are unique to each couple.

Here’s what I think the movie got right: Sometimes peoples relationships get off track. Sometimes people cheat on their partners. Sometimes one person in a relationship forgets how amazing the other person is. Sometimes your relationship is strong enough to overcome adversity and sometimes it isn’t. Raising children under any circumstance is difficult. Sometimes being a mother sucks. That’s just real life and real life was represented in this movie. I just wish that the movie came with footnotes.

100

Degrees it was yesterday but I am not complaining. I would rather it be 100 than 60 and I would certainly rather 100 than 40, which is what it was when we were camping over the 4th of July. So the weekend it was cold, we went camping in the mountains. The weekend that it is hot, we’re camping nearer the valley. Camping=Fail. Either way, I love the camping and I love the summer so I’m happy.

I’m starting to think I would really like to move to a warmer climate. I’m saying this coming off of nearly ten months of weather that required a sweater or a jacket with only occasional breaks. This causes me to wonder if perhaps I am getting terribly old? I don’t want to run off to Florida or anything–just maybe northern California. Unfortunately the glich in my plan is that my family and my childrens father are here in Oregon and unless they are all planning on moving with us, it’s pretty much a no go. But I like to think about it. Each season brings with it the good and the not as good, highs and lows, love and loss.

My girls’ grandmother passed away yesterday. She had been ill for many years but I always thought that she would eventually get better. She did not. From what I know, she was quite sick at the end and it pains me to think of anyone going through that process of knowing that death is just around the corner but not quite knowing what it looks like. When I think of her, I try to imagine her being comforted and dotted on by her mother, who I know was by her side the entire time and probably when she slipped from this life into the next realm. Even though a child should not die before her children, there is something amazing about being there the moment someone comes into this world and then ushering that person out of the world as well. Death comes to all of us and it is natural as being born–it can be just as beautiful and doesn’t need to be a scary, dark or horrible time. I’m trying to help my girls through this and day by day and eventually they will be able to process their loss. I feel for their father and hope that he is taking care of himself at this time–I know that he doesn’t handle this type of thing very well and I hope that he can find some peace and love as he journeys through. He won’t know how to talk to the girls about this so I’m glad that they have three other parents to pick up and help him out but he will also need to make his own way. I wish him well.

Yesterday I was sitting in my ex’s wife’s car talking to her about this situation and planning out the weekend since their father is away. It just seemed so normal to be doing this–to be collaborating on what is best for the girls and who would be taking care of them which day, etc. I was telling my BFF Neighbor Judy about the conversation when she interrupted me and said, “How can you do that?”

I looked at her and said, “Do what?”

“Sit and talk to her, knowing that she says terrible things about you.”

I don’t know why I am why I am. No one taught me to be this way–I just am. I’m probably forgiving to a fault and I don’t hold grudges. I’m happy to give a person a pass on causing me pain in some way and I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.  My ex and his wife care for our children 40% of the time. They love them. It doesn’t matter what has happened between he and I, the girls need parents who try to get along and communicate–for their benefit and for ours. Sometimes one or the other of us may be the only one trying to do that, but I hope that I will always try to be above pettiness and think about what is best for my girls.

More than anything, I want to be a better person and know that at the end of my life, I will not be on my deathbed wishing I had been nicer and more forgiving when I had the chance. I hope that will be the case.