How To Be a Deadbeat Mom

Posted under Douchebaggery, Higher Learning, Mothering

My sniffle turned into a sinus infection and a possible case of Pertussis. I didn’t have the Pertussis test because I had already take antibiotics for the sinus infection and they would have been effective for the Pertussis if I did have it. Instead I got loaded up on a variety of cough medicines and an inhaler. I scare people a little when I cough and it’s annoying. I feel like I’m going to puke.

But it’s much better and even though I got a little behind in my school work, I ramped up pretty quick and I’m now looking at one more week of classes and two finals until I’m finished with the term. This makes me so very happy for so many reasons but mostly so I can just take a breath.

Despite what some people may think, going to school full-time and managing everything else that I manage in my life, (the list is too long to give justice by making a list,) is one of the very hardest things that I have ever done in my life. I realize that I set my expectations high for my achievement, but I don’t think that I could do it any other way. I want to do well. I want to learn everything that I can so that I can pass that knowledge on to my children and to others in the world. This is how a society elevates–through education. Ignorance breeds apathy and I don’t want to be ignorant or apathetic. I want to make a difference in the world and I will do that by working hard, learning a lot and passing that knowledge on in whatever situation I can.

Recently I was told that my going to school full time is a luxury and that my earning an advanced degree is not beneficial to my girls.

Obviously this is a value judgment and that needs to be taken into consideration. It is also a judgment made in ignorance, which is very sad for the person who made it. Finally, it is a testament of exactly why my getting an advanced degree benefits my girls.

I was also referred to as a Dead-Beat Mom. Hmmm. I thought. If I am a dead-beat mom, I should probably know how to be one and let others know as well, so I compiled a list.

How To Be A Dead-Beat Mom
By: The Recovering Straight Girl

1. Give up your career and educational ambitions (even if you haven’t yet figured out what those ambitions are) in order to stay at home and raise your children. (This alone qualifies you as a deadbeat mom because you won’t be bringing in any money and contributing to the household financially.)

2. Support your partner emotionally, physically, intellectually and spiritually as he or she focuses on his or her career and educational ambitions while you stay at home and raise your children.This includes but is not limited to: caring for the home, meals, shopping, childcare, education for the children, social calendar etc. so that your partner doesn’t need to spend any time worrying about any of these things and can focus solely on his or her educational or career goals. (Really, what do you DO all day long?)

3. During this time, allow your partner to financially support you. Loser.

4. When you eventually go through a divorce, accept the state ordered spousal and child support for you and your children. (Fully take advantage of your ex when you should get off your lazy ass and get a job making a salary large enough to support you and your children. What? You haven’t worked outside of the home in over ten years? What? You don’t have a college degree? Who’s problem is that? Obviously you should have been DOING something with your life for the last ten years.)

5. Re-marry/partner. Share household duties and expenses with your significant other. Whatever you negotiate with your current spouse/partner is up for approval from your ex.  Relying on your partner to provide for the girls is not acceptable.

6. Go back to college to earn your degree. This is the ultimate sign of a dead beat as going to university and going to college is a LUXURY, and really . . . How does a masters degree help the girls? We just don’t see how they’ll benefit from you getting a masters degree, most likely eight years from now. I actually don’t think you’ll graduate at all, hopefully you’ll prove me wrong. But so what if you do, how does that benefit the girls?

7. Be sure to put your financial WANTS (like getting a college degree) ahead of your children’s financial NEEDS (like pursuing a hobby, extra-curricular activity or outside interest.)

8. Take out thousands of dollars in student loans so that you can afford to give your children the things that you think they NEED (food, clothes, shoes, shelter, lunch money, deodorant, school fees, etc.) and many of the things that you think they WANT (more clothes, make-up, straighteners, laptops, cell phones, dinners out, camping trips, summer camps, etc.) Paying for the girls expenses out of your financial aid money is not acceptable.

9. Try to teach your children that valuing love, friendship, community, the environment and education are more important than having everything that we want when we want it. Support your children emotionally. Probably every deadbeat dad, or in your case deadbeat mom says this.

10. Finally, don’t have a job while going to school full-time and taking care of your family. Even if you do work part-time, make sure that whatever it is that you do (like say, freelance write,) isn’t acceptable to your ex. You choose not to work full time, you choose not to work part time, you choose not to work at all. Meanwhile, everyone around you picks up the slack so that the girls can have things that they are accustom to.

There you go. Now you can also strive to be a deadbeat mom. It’s a lot of hard work but if you follow the steps I’ve outlined, you should be able to achieve your goal.

The commentary is italics is not my own writing. They were lifted from someone else and were sent with all due respect.

Keep me abreast on how your progress is, I’d love to hear about it!

Sniffle

Posted under Being RSG, Mothering

Somehow I managed to get through the entire flu season without even a sniffle and now that the weather cleared for us this weekend and I was super busy with a million things, I have been plagues with a sickness. At first I was unsure if it was an allergy or if I was getting a cold and I tried to assure myself that it was the former rather than the latter. This morning I realized I was wrong. I shouldn’t complain, I haven’t been sick in over a year.  So I won’t. Instead I’m going to focus on taking care of myself and resting–something I don’t do very often. Although this morning Kennedy laid a blanket out on the couch and said, “I made you a couch bed,” something I always do for them when they are sick! She’s taking care of her mom and is definitely a keeper.

I had a very nice Mother’s Day. The girls, (really Cher,) bought me two 4X4 garden boxes so that I can grow vegetables and herbs this summer. There is only one spot at our home that gets full sun and that is in the very front of the front yard. Guess where my garden boxes are going? In the very front of the front yard and I don’t give a crap if that’s not the proper place for a vegetable garden and I don’t care what the neighbors say. Ha. Rebellious again, but I will have tomatoes and cucumbers and lettuce and what not this summer, barring I don’t kill everything that is!

This past Saturday I had the privilege of speaking at a fundraiser where I told a story about motherhood. I know that I’m not the same mother that I may have been before and I know I’m not the same as other mothers. There are times that I really don’t like being a mother very much (usually this is when the girls are screaming and fighting about something important like a bobby pin or hair bow.) I know that I won’t win any Mother of the Year awards and I don’t need to. I do know that the three girls that I am raising are good ones and I hope they will be good women in the world and stand up for themselves and for justice everywhere. I want them to be anything in the world that they want to be as long as they do it with love in their heart and don’t act like a douchebag in the process. Then I will know that I’ve done an okay job.

Last week I became the mother of another teenager; Halsey had a birthday and turned 13.

I knew this day would come someday, as I realize that the day will come soon enough that I will have three teenagers in my house. For now, I’ll just tread lightly into this territory and try to hold onto them as long as I can, for I know the days are becoming shorter. I don’t know what will happen then but I’m not going to worry so much. I’m going to focus on living life and enjoying the moments with them that are fun and loving and happy. The rest will figure itself out because it always does.

For right now though, I need to take care of myself which entails my sitting on the couch and watching movies. The one I have in now has subtitles and my French is pretty sub-par so I should probably read what’s on the bottom of the screen. I need some tissues and gingerale and some Italian Wedding Soup so if you’re out and about, please stop at the Safeway and pick some up. Thanks.