Step Off Douchebags

Oh my God. Really. God?

I don’t know what to say.

Today my friend A. was harassed by an old woman on the campus of Portland State University while she was sitting there and minding her own business listening to her iPod. The woman started a conversation with her and asked her if she was gay. A. told her that she was and the woman began to bombard her with slurs and disgusting rhetoric.

She told her that Jesus wanted her to know that she was unwelcome.

Really?

Do these fucking douchebags even know who Jesus was? Have they READ the bible? Because I have and I can say with a fair amount of certainty that Jesus would never tell my sweet friend A. that she was unwelcome anywhere. Jesus would most likely want to hang out with A. and have a beer with her (or wine, I think Jesus liked the wine.) I can totally see Jesus and A. sitting around in their (robes) and chit chatting about life and literature and politics. A is brilliant and could talk about all kind of stuff with him (she’s also Jewish so she’d know that stuff too.) He might hit on her (because she’s pretty) and she’d blush and tell him that she’s in a long-term committed relationship with her girlfriend (also A., I need more letters.) He would say something like, “All the good ones are lesbians” and they would laugh and have another glass of wine.

Jesus would totally dig A. and that douchebag asshat old lady needs to STEP OFF.

The coincidence of all of this is that several people came to A’s side while she was being harassed by this woman and I found out later that one of those people was my darling friend Chuck who is the partner of one of Cher’s teammates.

The universe is a queer place and I find it amazing that two of my favorite people in the world would be in the same place at the same time with one of them in a vulnerable position and one of them in a position to help. I guess that is what makes balance in the world and for that I am grateful. I’m sorry that A. had to be in that place but I’m glad that Chuck was there to support her.

Now if we could get rid of all the douchebags.

I’m really tired of them. I’m tired of their rhetoric and their judgment and their lies. I’m tired of them twisting literature into what suits them and I’m tired of them hurting people.

Every night I lay my head on my wife and think about how much I love her. I don’t question that love, I don’t measure it against other people’s love. I don’t wonder if the love I have for her is right or wrong because I already know the answer.

All love is right.

And

Douchebags Be Gone.

Four

Four years ago I walked into a crowded Starbucks in Lake Oswego, Oregon to meet a girl for coffee. I didn’t know it then but my life was about to change.

Back then, I never would have seen myself here. This is what makes life exciting, delightful and magical–the unknown of what is to come. I couldn’t have seen what was around the corner and I still can’t but it is my wish to always have Cher by my side along the way.

Four years ago I met someone who would change my life, all for the better.

Four years ago I entered into the something that I was waiting for all my life.

Four years ago my heart and soul opened up to a new understanding and awareness.

Four years ago.

Happy Anniversary Cher! I love you more with every breath I take!

Different Worlds

My kids are growing up. I now have talks with them about condom use and safer sex. There are girls who are pregnant in the high school. There are other ones who engage in oral sex without a condom because they don’t know you can get a STD from oral sex. The “Abstinence Only” sex education program that the school teaches doesn’t work. It never has worked and it never will.

I went to Target and bought a big box of condoms of different styles and flavors. My middle daughter asked what the flavored ones were for. I directed her to the conversation about oral sex. I hope she remembers this for the future and I hope that the future of that is far away. I told Mikayla to put the condoms in a safe place and if any of her friends need some, she should give them to him or her. I really want my kids to wait to engage in sex until they’re mature enough to handle it and take care of themselves. I know I can’t control that, I can only try to give them the information that they need.

I know these kids. These kids who are having oral sex and getting pregnant. I’ve known them since they were little. I don’t know how the time has gone by so fast. I feel like I need ten years back.

I saw a girl today in the grocery store who is taller than I am and has blue hair. I remember her when she was three and wearing a black velvet dress at a holiday party. Mikayla didn’t like her. She called her “the black one” because she was wearing a black dress and I always thought it was funny how Mikayla would identify people by the color they were wearing. The day of that party I discovered that Mikayla had the chicken pox while she was taking a nap. It was confirmed when I was getting her ready for bed. I told her that we were going to need to go to the doctor the next morning because I thought she was going to have the chicken pox. She looked at me and said, “But Mommy, I’ve already had dinner.”

I had to call the mother of “the black one” and tell her that her kid was exposed to the chicken pox. I also had to inform every other mother who was at that holiday party. Some of the mother’s were happy and hoped that their kids would get it. Others, like my friend Shari, were mad at me. Like it was my fault?

I socialize with women who were my age then. This is weird to me sometimes. It’s like I live in different worlds and have had different lives within my one life. They haven’t had their children yet. Some of them may not have any. Mine are growing up. I grew up. I am always a mom. I’m a mom even when the girls are with their father, but when they’re with their father, I have this other life. I have my wife and my friends. I go out to events, I go to parties, I have nice dinners in restaurants and drink Pinot Noir and martinis. I stay in bed until 10. Or 11. Sometimes I lay on the couch and watch old movies. I have sex in the middle of the day.

I don’t feel guilty about any of this. I feel lucky.

But it makes me realize how fragmented parts of my life are at times. Not fragmented in a bad way, just a bit fragmented.

I look in the mirror now and I see lines that weren’t there before. I’ve never been weird about my age but when I look at these girls who are ten years younger than I am, it reminds me that I am ten years older than they are. I don’t think any amount of Vitamin E oil will bring back those ten years. No amount of yoga or pilates will lift my boobs back to where they were in 1994. But even if given the choice, I wouldn’t go back to that world when I was 30. I like this world better.

Even if I live in a couple of them at a time.

Wintry Updates

Winter Term has started and I feel very spoiled this time. I am only attending classes at the university two days per week and taking one online writing class. The online writing class is a fiction writing class, which completely terrifies me beyond belief. I have absolutely no idea how to write fiction, but I guess that’s why I’m taking a class.

I’m taking a break from Spanish this term, not because I wanted to, but because it just didn’t fit in my schedule. So don’t send me emails in Spanish for the next ten weeks, I’m putting it aside. We can have margaritas however.

It’s so wintry in Portland right now. Cold and rainy. It’s the toughest time of the year in the NW. Pushing through the next few months is going to be difficult. It makes me want to run away to somewhere sunny and bright and warm. If you would like to fly me to your beach house in the Caribbean, please let me know.

Derby season is starting next week and Cher will be leading her team on a world domination tour 2010! If you’re in Portland, come to the Season Opener on January 16 to see some amazing derby!

My mom has a few feral cats that hang around her house. One of them had four wee small kittens in September. Two of them are still around and one in particular has become very friendly and even lets my mom pick him up and pet him. My mom thinks that one of you should adopt him (she thinks he’s a boy but I don’t know for sure.) I told her I would ask. So if you want a wee cat, let me know. This would save my mother from becoming more of a Crazy Cat Woman than she already is and I would appreciate that.

Finally, my column came out yesterday. You can read it here. Be one of five and have five. Read the piece and you’ll understand that! It’s my campaign for the year!