and the three Amigos who come here!
We’re off to Ixtapa for a fun-filled lezzie vacation!
Be good and play nice while I’m gone. Don’t get involved in any sex sandals, get arrested, or cheat on your spouses–there seems to be a lot of that going on lately.
Catch y’all when we get back. There will be pictures, I’m sure.
I like to think of myself as a person who is quite progressive but is also a person of strong moral fiber and an attachment to etiquette and values. With that in mind, I would like to present to all of you on The Internet a short Primer for those of you who may be involved in civic duty or political life, as well as just the average person.
We’ll keep this short and sweet.
1. When asked a question regarding your “sex life” or “personal relationships with others” the proper answer is: “My personal life is not the regard of others or for public consumption.”
The answer is not: “I did NOT have sex with that woman” or “I am offended by your accusation and vehemently deny its nature” or anything resembling a denial of something that may have or DID occur.
2. Honesty: It is not an antiquated idea held by self-righteous people. It is a standard.
3. A Standard: It is something that we hold ourselves and others to. Its purpose is to ensure Social Civility and Similar Expectations of Behavior.
4. If one lives one’s life authentically and truthfully one need not worry about disclosure of one’s actions. One can be sure that one’s actions are not done in shame and are without discourse.
5. Do not say anything about someone that you wouldn’t be comfortable with them standing behind you listening.
6. Do not do anything that you wouldn’t be comfortable admitting to your mother.
7. Do not conduct yourself in a manner that requires secrecy. Privacy is one thing: secrecy is another.
8. “Everyone Lies” is not an excuse. If Everyone jumped off a bridge, would You?
9. People in Society have a Responsibility to those in their Society. If one desires to hold a (special, privileged, official) position in that Society and asks those around him or her to give of their time, talent, treasure or VOTES–One has a Responsibility to those in his or her Society.
10. I’m going to Mexico in two days to drink tequila with 600 other lesbian women and I am well aware that everything I may say or do could be public information but I am very confident that I will hold myself responsible to my actions both here and abroad. Oh wait! I’m not an elected official so it doesn’t really matter. Oh wait! Even if I was an elected official it wouldn’t matter because apparently I did not write this Primer in time.
And that is all.
I imagine Dr. King would have been very proud celebrating his birthday today, anticipating the history that would be made tomorrow.
I imagine he would be comfortably settled in a hotel room in Washington, D.C. basking in the knowledge that his work, his sacrifice helped our country to overcome racial divides and welcome in a new era where we very well could judge people by the nature of their character rather than the color of their skin. Where we could look past a visual difference and have the scientific and social knowledge enough to know that there is no such thing as race; we are all human people; we are all Americans.
In my fantasy of imagining Dr. King still alive I have to wonder if this historic event would have indeed occurred much earlier in our history had he not been tragically stolen from us. I have a feeling that his legacy would have included many more achievements than were allowed in his short 39 years on this earth; his 39 years in which he spent serving the Lord and serving his fellow humans.
39 years old. Dr. King was 39 years old when he was killed, as old as I am today. The accomplishments I have realized in my life completely pale in comparison to the accomplishments he was able to realize in his. What would have followed, I wonder? Alas, we will never know.
80. Dr. King would be 80 today and if he had done nothing else in his life during the last 41 years he would be having birthday cake and thinking about what would come to pass tomorrow. He would no doubt be extremely proud and grateful; he would be humble. I believe he would cry and his tears would be tears of relief to have lived to see this day. Unfortunately he did not live to see this day but those of us who have lived after him have lived to see this day and we can honor him by honoring the day.
Think what you like politically; you may agree or disagree with policy and politics and antics and the rest, but consider this if nothing else: Tomorrow we will watch history being made. It is an honor to watch history being made and anyone who has the honor of watching it has a responsibility to give it the respect it deserves.
We and our children will remember this day. 20, 30, 40 years from now we will remember where we were, what we saw, and how we felt as we stood back and watched over 200 years of oppression lift a little more. We will watch a great man take an oath to serve his country and the people in it, and that is greatness all by itself.
I hope that today we can come together to remember where we were as a country 41 years ago and what a great man was senselessly taken from our history. I hope tomorrow we can come together to celebrate another great man who “rides on the shoulder” of the greatness that came before him and give him the admiration and support and respect he deserves. I hope that all Americans and people throughout the world will give Obama the chance that Dr. King didn’t have. This is my prayer and my energy and my hope that it goes from this blog to God’s ears.
I wish you peace today. I wish you peace tomorrow. I congratulate each and every one of us who has the opportunity to witness history before our eyes.
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives: let’s make it a good day and a good life!
* Basic Rights Oregon is throwing an Inaugural Party tomorrow evening and here are the details if any of you Portland peeps can make it:
Obama Inauguration Celebration
Tuesday, January 20th, 2009
Roseland Theatre
(8 NW 6th Avenue in Portland, 97209)
FREE!
Door’s Open – 6:00pm
Show Starts – 7:00pm
$5 Suggested donation to Basic Rights Oregon
Repertoire of musicians include: Shock, Marlon McClain, Lilla D’Mone (and Brazilian Lions), Devin Phillips, Cool Nutz, Animal Farm, Mic Crenshaw featuring Gen. Erik, Serge Severe, Slicksidedown, Linda Hornbuckle and Janice Scroggins.
Plans are being made for BlogHer09 in Chicago. Yes, I’m going and you should go too; No, I’m not mad that they didn’t pick Portland, I’m going anyway. A few of us lezzie bloggers have pitched a “Room of Our Own” idea to the nice people at BlogHer. Please visit the site and tell BlogHer if you would attend such a session. Go here. Pretty please with sugar. Thank you.
Mommy Blogging is a big deal at BlogHer, and last year I tried to stay Very Far Away from the Mommy Blogging sessions, (although some of the Mommy Bloggers were H.O.T.) Today I started to think about writing a post and thought, “Oh, that sounds too Mommy Blogger, and then I thought about it and the true fact is that I AM a Mommy Blogger, but a Mommy Blogger among many other things.
I like to think of myself as a Lesbian Blogger, but as a queer blogger I cross over so many different areas. Queer is my culture and I view everything through that lens: relationships, friendships, home-making, even parenting.
My youngest daughter Kennedy told me this morning that a new girl in her class has two moms. My immediate reaction was, “Wow, I should call her Moms!” How do I do that, I wonder? Call her up and say, “Hi, my daughter says that you’re a lezzie . . . ME TOO!”
What is it about shared culture that makes up gravitate towards each other? I feel just as comfortable with my straight friends but there is something about being around other lesbians that is so fulfilling. There is only one area to which I don’t care to be around other lesbians and that is when I feel judged for my appearance and my style of dress.
In my Family Studies class we did an exercise where we wrote down when we feel people are judging us. That is what I wrote down and couple that with my agony of trying to pack for my upcoming trip I started to think about the issue.
I like dressing up. I like having my toenails done. I like getting bikini waxes and highlights and wearing make-up. I like smelling nice and how I look with a new hairstyle. I love the feeling of slipping on a brand new dress and feeling the fabric brush against my legs. I like pashminas and little tiny evening bags. I like shimmery jewelry and the sound that my high heels make clicking on the floor.
I don’t do these things because I’m trying to impress anyone and I certainly don’t do it to be attractive to men. Why I like these things could come from a variety of places from my psyche or society or my mother, but I don’t really think Why is relevant.
Dressing the way that I do is part of my identity, it is how I identify myself to the people around me, including lesbians. So why is how I identify myself so threatening to so many of them?
Take for instance our upcoming Olivia trip. Olivia has message boards for the people who are going on a particular trip to connect with each other beforehand. I’ve participated on these boards before each of the trips I’ve attended and “chatted” with some of the other guests. Every time the subject of dress code or attire for the trip comes up it inevitably involves one person or another putting down those of us who speak of our dresses and shoes and upcoming salon appointments. “You won’t catch me dead in a dress; I want to be cool and comfortable” or “It saddens me to hear all of this talk about tanning, plucking, and waxing.”
It causes me to pause and wonder why it is that I am supposed to accept someone coming to a formal dining area dressed in cargo shorts, a t-shirt and Keen’s but they can’t accept me in a dress. Why is my dress threatening to them? Why do they look at me and think of me with such disdain, simply because I choose to outwardly identify as female and express my feminine identity?
The bigger question is this: The GLBTQ community is encouraged and should be accepting and supportive of our trans brothers and sisters for expressing their gender expression and gender identity, but there is a major roadblock to this. How are we as a community suppossed to accept and celebrate gender expressions when expressing the opposite of their “born-with” gender if lesbians can’t even accept and celebrate other lesbians expressing their “born-with” gender identity and expression?
Lesbians need to start accepting each other for however we choose to identify and express ourselves without judgment and finger pointing. That needs to be a goal ladies, lets work on that, shall we?
Today, three years and a few hours ago was the day I met the love of my life. That would make it our “Leather Anniversary!”
Hmmmm. I’m not quite sure what to do with that one.
What I do know is that my life changed three years ago and I became a person who realized the kind of love that every person should realize in their life. I found someone who I can live my life with and experience the kind of joy I never imagined.
Everything changed three years ago and my life would never, and will never, be the same. For that, I am eternally grateful and lucky and loved and cherished.
Now.
Leather?
Polyp. I have Polyps in my Maxillary Sinuses. Funny, I didn’t even order any. I’m still waiting to hear what the ENT has to say; I may be waiting a long while but in the meantime I guess it’s good to know that I’m not crazy and also that I don’t have a tumor. The CT scan also showed that I have a slight deviated septum, which is funny because when I was 18 years old I had surgery to correct my deviated septum. This brings me to the conclusion that my septum somehow became re-deviated or the doctor who did my surgery didn’t do it correctly. I’m leaning towards the latter–damn country doctors from PA–(it was Dr. Gibson for those of you in the know . . . and I’m kidding about it being his fault, kind of.)
So that’s it folks, some of you had a balls-on diagnosis, step on up and receive your honorary medical degree!
Going to college at my age, I’m sure that I absorb information a little differently than my 19-year-old classmates. Often times I will be presented with information that I never heard of before and I somehow know that it is information I should pay attention to.
Maslow comes to mind. Do you know Maslow? I didn’t know him until he was mentioned in two of my different classes, and after the third or so time I heard about him, I realized that he is someone I should know.
Maslow developed a theory of the Hierarchy of Needs.
I wondered about his theory and how it applied to how I live my life. I’m not exactly sure where I fall in his pyramid, but I have a theory about the theory.
Is attaining to the top of the pyramid the goal for all people? Do you know that you want to get to the top of the pyramid if you’re at the bottom? Or do you not know any better? Is Maslow’s theory an excuse for people to never be happy and satisfied with what they have?
I wonder.
A person who doesn’t have enough to eat is not going to be thinking about satisfying any self-actualization, but at the same time, is a person who’s focus is at the top of the pyramid concerned with their safety? I think they are but according to Maslow the second person is not. Of course Maslow did marry his cousin, so what does that say?
I think more than anything that every person should have their basic needs covered and have the opportunities to attain as high of a self-actualization as possible. Shouldn’t it be that way? I think that most people would say that yes, it should be that way, but is it possible if Maslow’s theory is correct?
Are those who are at the top of the Pyramid so egocentric that they have no concept of what it’s like to be at the bottom? I think some of them may to which causes the problem.
The other night we went to see Gran Torino. It’s a car, did you know that? It’s also a movie with Clint Eastwood and I’m pretty sure Clint is about 237 years old by now. Clint is an ethnocentric old man who ends up befriending his Hmong neighbors. The movie brought up several things for me, some of them relating to Maslow and his pyramid.
I thought about my grandparents and who they were and how they lived their lives. They were also quite ethnocentric and only saw the world through their own existence and culture. They all, each of them, did not strive for more than the status quo in their lives. It’s easy to say that they didn’t get more than half-way up Maslow’s pyramid but not because they didn’t have the opportunity to do so. Kind of like Clint in the movie. On the contrary the Hmong neighbors don’t even have their basic need of Safety and Security satisfied; they can’t even begin to think of wanting more until they have safety. (I won’t give away the movie, you’ll have to see it.)
It’s an interesting thing to think about. I hope that everyone takes a moment to think about where they are on the pyramid, where they would like to be and how it matters to them. At the same time, think about whether or not you’re guilty of being ethnocentric yourself and how you can take steps to open up a bit more to others in the world.
It’s 2009. Self-actualization is In, Ethnocentrism is Out.
Carry on.
I try not to whine or cry when I don’t feel good.
I don’t succeed at this very well. I may have mentioned that a little after Christmas I started a fever after several weeks of having sinus pain and pressure. HG took me to the Urgent Care and the doctor scolded me for waiting too long to be seen for my sinus pain and pressure. “When I see someone come in with a fever, it means they let it go too long.” I said, “Whatever Lady, just give me the drugs I need,” and we left. The drugs helped. I had bags and bags of them and I really did start to feel better.
Until I was done taking the drugs.
The day after I was off the antibiotic and the steroid I started to feel yucky again. By the next day I was back to running a fever. After much convincing to the “Advice Nurse” I was told to go back to the doctor and get some more antibiotics and an x-ray. The x-ray showed nothing, which then caused me to get really scared.
If I don’t have a sinus infection then why do I have a fever, feel awful and have the worst sinus pain/headache ever?
Could it be a brain tumor?
I didn’t ask the doctor that; I dutifully filled my prescription for more antibiotic, more vicodin, and diflucan for the future and went on my way with an order for a CT scan of my head. In the car on the way home I was thinking about my predicament.
I called my sweet friend Sarah and left her a voice message. “Hi Sarah, this is Kathryn. I wanted to call and ask you how your job interview was today, and tell you that I think I have a brain tumor, and to ask if you could drive Mikayla home tonight after the Middle School Band Concert. Let me know, bye.”
Sarah called back and assured me that I didn’t have a brain tumor because you don’t get a fever with a brain tumor. I felt relieved until I wondered today: How does she know you don’t get a fever with a brain tumor? Is that a medical fact? Maybe someone somewhere once got a fever; I was questioning Sarah’s authority.
Thursday–not feeling a whole lot better. A woman on the bus pissed me off and when I told HG the story I started to cry. I went over to my BFF Neighbor Judy The Crying Jew’s house and told her about the evil-bus-woman and cried some more. I cry because I have a fever.
Friday–My legs feel weird (fever sign,) My head hurts (still.) I have taken 4 Ibuprofen and 2 Vicodin and I don’t feel any better. I’m not yet crying but I was on the verge in my Family Studies Mentor Session. Verge, not quite there–just verge.
Just to be clear Internets, I’m not at all trying to cheapen the seriousness of brain tumors. I understand the awfulness of them–this post is to more purge my head of my irrational thoughts and catastrophizing that I’m so famous for (did you know I was famous?)
I come by this quite naturally. My grandmother? Huge hypochondriac, Huge. She was also a prescription drug addict but that’s neither here nor there. My mother? Always looks at the worst case scenario; she’s also narcissistic but that’s not relevant. I believe that my reasons for being overly dramatic are quite different. See, if I imagine the very worst possible thing that could happen then when it turns out not to be that, I’m relieved. This may be a bit of fucked up thinking, but it has been working for me for 39 years so I’m going with it.
Today I was wondering if it is possible to have a tumor IN your sinus? That would explain the sinus pain and pressure, right? Has anyone ever died of a sinus infection? My mother says that there is just a thin plate of bone between your sinuses and your brain and you could get a brain infection. What happens when you get a brain infection? Do you lose IQ points? Do you have to have brain surgery? Would they cut right into my frontal sinus where the pain is? Would there be a scar? These are important questions to ask, which I believe I will seek answers.
It’s a good thing I have my very own personal physician, WebMD. Do you know her? She’s brilliant. I’m going to make an appointment right now. If you don’t see me back for a few days–well, you’ll know where I am.
Does that statement make me sound old?
I’m turning 40 you know, in March. That is why HG and I are going on our fancy Olivia vacation to Ixtapa, Mexico–to celebrate our collective 40 Birthdays. Our trip falls half-way in between our Big Days and we booked and paid for this trip eons ago, way before I was a poor college student and HG was a Roller Girl. I wonder what will happen if we book another trip an eon from now? Cool things would happen I bet–I wonder if that would be a selling point to get HG to book us another trip?
On our first Olivia trip I forgot to take the batteries out of my vibrating bullet and my suitcase was vibrating when I picked it up from the cruise port. I’m only glad I discovered it before checking in my luggage at the airport. It’s an important travel tip I think.
A long time ago I took my friend Teresa DiFalco to a Pure Romance sex-toy party, do you remember that? She blogged about it here. So we went and Teresa bought some stuff and I bought some stuff and some ladies booked parties like ladies do at such things, and we had wine and Teresa dropped me off at my house (I sat in the front seat of her car but we had to move a lot of stuff onto the floor.) Well for a long time we were wondering where the products were that we ordered and then more ladies in the Scary Suburbs were talking about the same thing–they ordered some products and had not received them either. What was going on? Was there a shortage on sex-toys, were they back-ordered, was there a rush on them over the holidays? Did the entire free world, or at least the women of the Scary Suburbs suddenly discover sex toys and UPS couldn’t ship them fast enough?
My friend Eileen and my BFF Neighbor Judy–The Crying Jew decided to take on the task of figuring it out.
You’ll never guess what?
It turns out–that it seems that the Pure Romance Sex Toy Lady has not delivered anyone’s product–she made off with our money without delivering the goods. It’s a scandal of monumental proportions, I can see it now: “Suburban Mother/Sex Toy Lady Defrauds Lonely Homemakers in Desperate Need of Dildos–News At Eleven.”
So I’m out $72.00 with no fancy-G-Spot-Stimulating-Pink-Vibrator to show for it. Is nothing sacred anymore? If you can’t trust your sex-toy consultant, what’s next? Your drug dealer? Geesh.
I know you’re all dying to know so I’ll tell you. I made it to class. I walked briskly but did not run and I managed to get there with two minutes to spare. I’ll be a size 4 again in no time.
And The Draft?
She was drafted, like I knew she would be because she rocks.
Guns N Rollers–that’s the name of her new team. Those are some badass girls, let me tell you–only I don’t have to tell you, take a look for yourself. Everyone must come to a bout–we’ll wear matching fan t-shirts, have our own cheering section and we’ll drink beer. Ticket information is here–but don’t wait too long to buy your season tickets!
I don’t think that Youth is Wasted on the Young. I think being almost 40, smart, fabulous, and in love with Hot Roller Girls is so much better. Don’t you agree?
Now if only I could find a reputable sex-toy consultant.
That’s a song I think.
It’s January in Oregon and it’s gray outside. It’s the kind of day that is cold and depressing because everywhere you look you see yuck. I forced HG to go shopping yesterday, to the Outlet Mall but unfortunately it was an unsuccessful shopping trip. I did buy some flowy black capri pants for our vacation in three weeks. None of my clothes fit you know–the weight I gained, the Effexor weight–has not yet fallen off and I don’t have any clothes for vacation. I’m not sure why? It may have something to do with the cookies and the fudge and the Pulla bread and other fine items that neighbors and friends have brought over during the last few weeks. Maybe.
In three weeks we’ll be here. I won’t have any clothes, but we’ll be there and I can’t tell you how happy that idea makes me every moment I think of it. It won’t be gray there. The sun will shine, cocktail servers will bring me drinks, I’ll have my beautiful wife by my side in a bathing suit. It will be heavenly. I’m glad it’s an Olivia Vacation–I won’t be judged for my lack of clothing, I could wear nothing and no one would care. Or basketball shorts and a sports bra. High fashion. The lezzies–not well known for their sense of style.
Until then, it is time to put the holidays behind us and return to normal life. School starts tomorrow and the day to day of homework and basketball practice and bus rides and homework and cooking and cleaning and homework will begin again. I think I’m up for it. I’m pretty sure.
I found out today that I have to walk nine blocks in between my two classes. This in itself is not an issue, nine blocks is no big deal. The problem is that I have to walk the nine blocks in ten minutes. And I’m not talking about mini-wanna-be-blocks. I’m talking about City Blocks. The kind in a city. Long ones.
Hey!
Maybe that will solve my weight issue! Me running nine blocks twice a week with a heavy backpack–it’s my very own weight loss program! Hell I’ll be in a bikini in two weeks. Okay maybe not, but I’m trying to embrace my dilemma.
Also tomorrow. HG could become an official team member on a Roller Derby team. The Big Draft is tomorrow and we’re keeping fingers crossed that she is one of the girls chosen. Send good draft energy Internets! If she’s not chosen, she’ll just stay on her training team and hone her skills until the next draft–but we’re overachievers at Chez G and we aim high. High. Plus I just always like an excuse to celebrate, although I could just celebrate the fact that I survived running nine blocks in ten minutes. If I do.
So that’s it. Tomorrow’s a Big Day.
Make it a Big Day for you too. We’ll celebrate together.