It was a dark and stormy night . . .

Not really.

Today is Halloween! Happy Halloween! I need to admit something that will not get me the Mother of the Year award. I have done absolutely nothing for Halloween this year–nothing. No decorations, no pumpkin carving, no costume making, nada.

The girls are at their father’s house this year so I didn’t feel compelled to really do anything, especially since I left the house this morning and will not return until after midnight. I didn’t even buy any Halloween Candy! I hope HG remembers to turn all the lights off and we’ll be THAT house, the one who doesn’t like children . . .

Last night HG took me on a Halloweeener Cruise with Storm Large. It was amazing, Storm was amazing and I have amazing photos on my camera which is at home. I’m not at home because I’m at The Heathman Hotel in downtown Portland enjoying a cup of tea by the fire and writing my screenplay for my class. My class that I’m NOT taking at Yale. Yale, Shmale. My friend M. went to Yale, I’ll learn everything about Yale from him, I don’t even need to go. I’m smart enough to go to Yale, I just don’t feel like it.

Tonight HG is taking me to dinner and then to see David Sedaris. Yes, we’re ladies about town all right. We’re metropolitan, we’re fancy, we’re on the cutting edge. We get around.

Speaking of getting around.

Basic Rights Oregon is looking for a Communications Director. The previous Communications Director who was fabulous and wonderful has moved to The Big Apple and BRO needs to fill her shoes. Just in case any of my fine readers are interested, here is the link to the job description. It’s a perfect time to move to Portland! Property prices are low and I can even recommend a good realtor!

Once I was going to be a realtor, but then I decided to be a writer and an activist. Much better fit except that now I can’t drive a Cadillac. Probably better that way–I wouldn’t want anyone to call me an “elitist”. Instead I’ll be a quiet, reclusive writer. Writing screenplays about lezzies. No wait, that’s what I’m doing today. Perhaps in honor of it being Halloween, the lezzies should be witches. Now that’s a story.

Cheerio Internets, have a safe and ghoulish Halloween and Don’t Drink and Drive!

For The Children

Even though I’m a lezzie, I actually have children. Three of them. And even though their father is voting for McLain, I try to teach them to be compassionate to others and show them some of the realities of the world.

Like Homeless Youth.

Portland has a very high population of homeless youth and according to The New York Times, the fastest growing segment of the homeless youth population is queer kids.

Queer kids who in many cases were disowned by their parents for being queer. Yes, those are fine family values. This shouldn’t be surprising considering the sheer number of kids who are ostracized by their families, churches and communities. It is also not surprising that GLBTQ kids who are not supported by their families, churches and communities have the highest risk of suicides.

GLBTQ kids who are supported by their families, churches and communities risk of suicide is the same as other kids.

What does this say about us as a society? We’d rather have these kids homeless on the street or dead rather than support and embrace who they are as human beings. That isn’t my family value and I am trying to do my small part to help.

Last night I made homemade, vegetarian, mostly organic macaroni and cheese for 35 homeless youth. My BFF Neighbor Judy and I, along with DD’s #2 and #3 will be taking it to the P:ear Center this morning for the kids to have for lunch. What kind of time does this take? Oh, about three hours total. Three hours out of my life to make a delicious meal for kids who don’t have a mother to cook for them. And three hours out of my life to teach my daughters a small lesson in helping others.

I need no accolades for this task, I write about it here to be another voice for a group of children who have been left behind. They’ve been left behind in a country where we have an administration legislating how to not leave any of them behind–and then ignores the ones who are already lost.

And I pass this information along to all of you using these powerful tools that brings us all together– Blogging, Facebook, and Twitter.

Powerful information and powerful networking, and how I found this volunteer opportunity and how I found P:ear. Thanks to @sarahgilbert on Twitter and a tweet she made about teaching the youth to cook one day. P:ear said that it was their very first Twitter referral!

I hope other homeless youth organizations get a Bloggy referral today!

No On Prop 8: For The Children

“Lee” left a couple of comments on my last post that I would really like to address. I don’t like to toot my own horn you know, but I actually did a research paper on this subject. It was called, Marriage Equality and the Effect on Oregon’s Children. If I knew how to link to a PDF, I would, but I don’t. If you would like to read it, email me.

No On Proposition 8

It hurts my heart a little when I see those “Yes on Prop 8-Keep Marriage Between One Man and One Woman” groups on Facebook. It hurts more when I see that one of my friends or neighbors has joined it. It’s sad for me to think that someone who likes me doesn’t believe that I deserve the same basic rights as they do.

“It’s religious RSG!” That’s what you’re thinking.

Marriage is religious and Homosexuality and Religion are not compatible. But what does Religion have to do with Marriage?

Let us be simple for a moment.

Traditional Marriage is not a union between one man and one woman. Traditional Marriage is between one man and several women. The man received his wife/wives as a transfer of property from her father to him, paid by a dowry and celebrated by a wedding. As time went on, the practice of polygamy fell out of favor, in some cultures and countries, but not all. It is still widely acceptable in many countries throughout the world to have multiple wives. There are even polygamous groups, right here in the United States. These polygamous groups practice a religion rooted in Mormonism in which most of their beliefs are still shared with the modern LDS Church.

The LDS Church has given the Yes of Prop 8 over Five Million Dollars. The Catholic Church has given a lot too, The Knights of Columbus as well. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by this, as both of these religious have traditionally professed exclusivity to marriage and who can and can not be married in their churches.

Supporters on Prop 8 argue that “traditional marriage is sanctioned by God.” Exclusively? Is it exclusively sanctioned by God? Because we’ve already ruled out that traditional marriage is not between one man and one woman. And which God are we speaking of?

Let’s take a moment to look at types of marriage in the United States.

Here is a nice couple pictured in front of the Temple. We’ll call them Brian and Susan.

Brian and Susan are both Mormon and they want to be married in their church’s Temple. Not everyone can walk off the street and get married int the Temple. A Non-Morman can not be married in the Mormon Temple. Even many Mormon-Mormon’s cannot be married in the Temple. This is a “special” wedding/marriage reserved exclusively for members who attain a special status and are worthy enough to have their marriage “sealed” for eternity. Once you are sealed, there is no un-sealing. Brian and Susan met this criteria and they had a beautiful Temple wedding, celebrated by their Temple-worthy friends and family.

Great!

That is their right, completely the right of the church and of the couple making that decisions.

And then there is Lisa and Joe. They are Catholic. Again, two people can’t just waltz in off of the street, ring up a priest and say, “Hey, Father–will you marry us today?” Lisa and Joe have to meet The Requirements.

Some of the requirements necessary to be married in the Catholic Church are:

• You must provide baptismal and confirmation records proving you are eligible to be married in the Catholic Church.
• You must meet required pre-marriage counseling and classes.
• You must be willing to procreate.
• Your maid-of-honor and best man must be Catholic.
• You must promise to baptize and raise your children in the Catholic Church.

Lisa and Joe met the requirements and had a lovely (albeit long) wedding in their church. And their marriage is also “sealed” in a way. For once a marriage performed in the Catholic Church has been consummated, it can not be undone with out a church-sanctioned annulment.

Obviously I’ve never been to a Mormon wedding (not allowed in) but I’ve been to many, many Catholic weddings and I love them. I love the formality, the standing and the sitting and the kneeling. It’s like doing calisthenics in church! Lovely ideas, both of them.

I think it is great that these religious institutions have these traditions that they practice and hold sacred.

Next we have Sarah and David. They decided to get married at the County Courthouse. A few friends and family present and a no-fuss affair. This would be called a Civil Ceremony because it was not performed by a member of any religious clergy.

Good for them!

And then there is Marissa and Daniel who are Atheists. They chose to get married with by an Atheist officiant at a beautiful outdoor wedding.

Congratulations!

Let us take a look at Desiree and Steve. Desiree and Steve are having their marriage sanctioned by their religion-they are Wiccan.

Congratulations to them as well.

And finally. Portia and Ellen who were married at their home in California–a simple affair with their close friends and family–making a formal commitment to each other for life.

Beautiful.

Six couples, all whom were married in their own way based on their beliefs, desires, and preferences.

Six couples who thoughtful and deliberately made a decision to join together, celebrating that commitment and legally binding their lives to one another.

Here are a couple of differences:

The Mormon church only recognizes Brian and Susan’s marriage as a sacrament in their church.

The Catholic church only recognizes Lisa and Joe’s marriage as a sacrament in theirs.

But there is one thing that each and every one of these six couples have in common.

They were all required to go to the state in which they live and fill out an application for a Marriage License. None of their marriages are recognized by the state unless they do.

This is why if one of these couples gets a divorce, lets say Lisa and Joe–they can’t simply go to their priest and ask for a divorce. Once they register their Marriage License with the state, it is a contract that needs to be dissolved through the state. Legally. It’s a Legal Government Contract between two people who meet the requirements of The State.

A Mormon Bishop, A Catholic Priest, A Jewish Rabbi, a Buddhist Priestess, or a Justice of the Peace can perform a ceremony, but it is the Government is who issues the license, registers the license and grants the special rights to couples seeking State Recognition of their relationship. Couples do not receive their marriage benefits through their church–they receive them from the Government.

Legally, it matters not who married you or what promises you made to God or Goddess or Anyone. What matters legally is that you signed and entered a Government Contract with the State and Gay people are not asking that their relationships be recognized by any church. The Christians, The Catholics, The Mormons, The Who-De-Doos and Whatever Church can HAVE their wedding and marriage sacraments. They are yours! Celebrate how you like, wear what you like, light candles, sing songs, have rules, whatever! Have at it! We don’t want it and we’re not asking for it.

We want the Same Legal State and Government Recognition and Rights afforded to these other couples.We want to be able to enter into the same legal contract–nothing more.

It’s simple really.

If you’re in California, Vote No On Prop 8! We all deserve equal rights under the law.

Tupperware, Pampered Chef, Sex-Toys

What do these three things have in common? Well, besides the fact that I use all three products? They have in common the fact that I’ve been invited to all three of these “home parties.” One is tonight. I won’t tell you which one, but I will tell you that it is not Tupperware and it is not Pampered Chef.

And, I will be going.

I’m even missing a dear friend’s birthday party (Hi SMB, Happy Birthday!) I’m missing his birthday party because I promised I would be at tonight’s affair. And seriously? This party? How much fun?

I may have wine. If there is wine. Is there wine Eileen? Should I bring some wine? I may need wine with this type of party–not that I’m shy or anything.

I wonder what I should wear? I should go check my closet right now.

I have a new blog post in a new blog place. I’m only doing it because it makes my name come up first on Google and I’m very, very narcissitic that way. The new post is here. Enjoy it, and don’t forget to give me a thumbs up and comment! (Except you M, I already know how you feel about the comment section over there.)

I should go and shave my legs. I don’t know if that’s required but I feel that perhaps I should.

Wish me luck!

In the fall, I will fall for you . . .

Cory and the boys moved to there own place a few days ago. HG and I have had the house to ourselves for 48 glorious hours. We spent most of Friday in bed–completely relaxed and happy in the quiet of our home. Today we did some chores and had a nice dinner with a nice bottle of wine.

We needed this time to re-discover ourselves as a romantic couple.

We have so much brightness and love in our life.

So much light.

It has been so beautiful here in the Portland Metro area the past few days. The trees are turning their lovely fall colors. They won’t last long and we will swiftly move into the grey of the winter. Before we know it we will be preparing for the holidays and busy schedules of those days before relaxing into the quiet and dark of winter. But for now, we are enjoying this little bit of beauty and color.

HG and I celebrated our anniversary the other day. Two Years, Nine Months Together.

Those first two years or so were spent figuring stuff out.

Like how to deal with each other when we’re cranky, or how to tell each other what we need.

We figured it out pretty well so far–and now we’re in a pleasant and understanding, wonderful place. And we know so much that we didn’t know before.

I’m constantly on a journey and I hope I never stop learning. I’ve learned so much these past four years since my divorce. So much about myself, about other people, and about who I am in the world. I’ve learned exactly what was wrong before and what I need now and in the future.

HG and I have been together for less than three years, but in those three years I’ve let her know and experience more of me than I’ve ever let anyone else.
I will continue to share myself with her–and she with me. What we will learn and become will be a transformative and amazing experience.

Not unlike the fall. Not unlike the change of seasons, change of our lives, change of experience that we all partake in at different times of our lives. Our leaves are changing right now and we have an opportunity to transform into something beautiful.

Let yourself go–and become–and transpire.

Open up to the possibilities of life.

My Wife

Is amazing for so many reasons.

One of the reasons she is so amazing is because she is amazingly talented.

And hot.

HG decided that she wanted to be on a roller derby team and so less than a month ago she roller skated for the first time in years–bought some skates and started practicing her “moves.” She went to the sponsored derby clinics and prepared for the try-outs–not knowing what her chances were.

Tonight were the try-outs. There were 24 women competing for 5 spots.

HG MADE THE TEAM!

I am so very proud of her (and worried, but we won’t worry about that right now!)

Yeah HG–the newest member of the Rose City Rollers Fresh Meat Team!

Lightness and Darkness

They can’t dwell in the same place at the same time, but for some reason in my life they seem to dwell together quite nicely, or not so nicely as it truly is.

The circumstances and activity in my life as of late has been high highs and low lows and I get kind of thrown around between the two. I am so happy about what a great event that we had over the weekend and so happy that I was able to be with so many amazing people, including Lisa who visited us from so far away.

At the same time, things in my family got kind of ugly–with my oldest daughter making some very poor decisions and able to hide behind not taking care of her responsibilities due to the fact that her father refuses to communicate with me about our kids or anything else. And that wasn’t the only thing that she did this week–just the biggest. She made a commitment to babysit for Cory’s boys on Sunday and then “forgot” to clear it with her Dad, “forgot” to come over to babysit, and then refused to accept responsibility and make her mistake right. She got away with it by ignoring my phone calls and letting her father think that it was an optional gig rather than a commitment that she made a week before. She left me to figure out what to do with Cory’s boys and didn’t even let Cory know what she had done. And because her father refuses to speak to me about anything, I couldn’t let him know the seriousness of what she had done.

I’m afraid that I’m raising a self-indulgent young woman who has an intense sense of entitlement without consideration of anyone else’s feelings. She doesn’t seem to understand that she can’t have and do everything that she wants to do and gets angry and throws fits when she is told no about anything.

For example, she came home last Monday from school and told us that there was an informational meeting about a school trip the next evening. HG agreed to go to the meeting with her and when I returned home that night I was informed that if she wanted to save a spot I would need to send a $300.00 check the next day. I explained that I didn’t have $300.00 to give to her and that it wasn’t going to happen. Instead of trying to understand this–she cried and told me that she would never get to go on another trip, that all of her friends were going and that the next day she would have to “listen to how everyone else is going and she’s not.”

I didn’t have the money to give her with 24 hours notice. I wasn’t punishing her, it was a fact of life. She wasn’t able to grasp that idea–and this tells me that I’m not doing a good job raising her. Obviously I am not getting through to her what is valuable in life. She seems to only value what activities she can do, what she can have and what people can do for her. I feel as though I’m failing as a parent.

And that is a dark place among all of the lightness in my life.

Metamorphosis

The Basic Rights Oregon Annual Awards Dinner, Metamorphosis was a smashing success. The event was beautiful, my wife was beautiful, the company was beautiful and I am amazed.

Amazed to be part of the Portland Community of Queers and their Allies. Amazed that I have friends who fly across the country to visit, and friends who are always, always right there–supporting and loving me. Amazed that I have the most incredible wife who does everything for me.

Four years ago, my life went through a Metamorphosis.

I died a little. I healed. I re-birthed. And I’m growing and changing still–but my life is turning out more beautiful every day and every day I continue to be amazed at how blessed I truly am.

Weekend Fun

I can’t believe another week has flown by.

Last Friday I had a terrible headache, which continued for days and days. Finally on Tuesday I e-mailed my doctor who instructed me to come in for a shot. Of what? I had no idea but I did not desire a shot in my tush. I asked for something different–maybe a shock treatment or some pills, or peyote like on that show Weeds. The doctor’s assistant called me back–no pills. If I wanted to stop the never-ending headache I would need to come into the office for a shot in my butt. I decided to be obedient and had Cory drive me to the doctor’s office where I waited for the nurse and her needle.

When she brought me back to the exam room she asked me about my headache and took my vital signs (my blood pressure was elevated) and then I had to lean on the exam table and pull down my pants. I asked her what she was giving me and she said, “Morphine.”

“Wow,” I thought, “That’s probably overkill, but okay–I’ll take it.”

I swear I could still feel that until the next day. My headache was relieved and I’ve been keeping it away with massive amounts of caffeine and avoiding alcohol and other triggers (except stress, which I have an abundance.) But hello? Morphine? Now that’s some fancy headache remedy.

I also had pills–to keep future headaches from getting that out of control. Those pills aren’t nearly as nice as that shot in my tush, but they seem to do a good job, and actually my tush is still sore from that shot–I didn’t like that so much.

Anyway. No time for headaches. The BRO dinner is Saturday and I have a friend coming in to visit from far, far away–like Indiana. And HG will be in a beautiful dress! And I’m getting my hair did. And so is HG. Girly fun! Fancy-lady fun. Weekend fun.

Fun for all–and hopefully for you all as well.