Prop 8 Ruling: Simply Logical

I just finished reading the Prop 8 Court Ruling. Well, I skimmed it actually but I read quite a bit of it and let me tell you all, it is fascinating. What is fascinating about it? What is fascinating is just how simple and logical it is.

Proponents for Prop 8 had several main points for keeping it in the California constitution. (I’m taking these points directly from the ruling.) Here are four of them:

Purported Interest #1: Reserving marriage as a union between a man and a woman and excluding any other relationship.

The rational behind this is: 1. “the traditional institution of marriage as the union of a man and a woman”; 2. “the traditional social and legal purpose, functions, and structure of marriage”; and 3. “the traditional meaning of marriage as it has always been defined in the English language.”

What Judge Walker said:

“Tradition alone, however cannot form a rational basis for a law . . . the state must have an interest apart from the fact of the tradition itself . . . California has eliminated all legally mandated gender roles except the requirement that a marriage consist of one man and one woman. Prop 8 thus enshrines in the California Constitution a gender restriction that the evidence shows to be nothing more than an artifact of a foregone notion that men and women fulfill different roles in civic life . . .  the evidence shows that Prop 8 harms the state’s interest in equality because it mandates that men and women be treated differently based only on antiquated and discredited notions of gender . . . the state has no interest in preferring opposite-sex couples to same-sex couples or in preferring heterosexuality to homosexuality. Moreover, the state cannot have an interest in disadvantaging an unpopular minority group simply because the group is unpopular.”

Purported Interest #2: Proceeding with caution when implementing social changes.

What Judge Walker said:

” . . . the evidence shows beyond debate that allowing same-sex couples to marry has at least a neutral, if not a positive, effect on the institution of marriage and that same-sex couples’ marriages would benefit the state. Moreover, the evidence shows that the rights of those opposed to homosexuality or same-sex couples will remain unaffected if the state ceases to enforce Prop 8 . . . Because the evidence shows same-sex marriage has and will have no adverse effects on society or the institution of marriage, California has no interest in waiting and no practical need to wait to grant marriage licenses to same-sex couples.”

Purported Interest #3: Promoting opposite-sex parenting over same-sex parenting. Proponents argue Prop 8: 1. promotes “stability and responsibility in naturally procreative relationships”; 2. promotes “enduring and stable family structures for the responsible raising and care of children by their biological parents”; 3. increases “the probability that natural procreation will occur within stable, enduring, and supporting family structure”; 4. promotes “the natural and mutually beneficial bond between parents and their biological children”; 5. increases “the probability that each child will be raised by both of his or her biological parents”; 6. increases “the probability that each child will be raised by both a father and a mother”; and 7. increases “the probability that each child will have a legally recognized father and mother.”

What RSG says: “Are they serious?”

What Judge Walker said:

“Same-sex parents and opposite=sex parents are of equal quality . . .  Prop 8 does not make it more likely that opposite-sex couples will marry and raise offspring biologically related to both parents . . . the evidence shows beyond any doubt that parent’s genders are irrelevant to children’s developmental outcomes. Moreover, Prop 8 has nothing to do with children, as Prop 8 simply prevents same-sex couples from marrying . . . Prop 8 does not affect who can or should become a parent under California law.”

Here is one of my favs:

“To the extent California has an interest in encouraging sexual activity to occur within marriage (a debateable proposition in light of Lawrence, 539 US at 571) the evidence shows Prop 9 to be detrimental to that interest. Because of Prop 8, same-sex couples are not permitted to engage in sexual activity within marriage. FF 53. Domestic partnerships, in which sexual activity is apparently expected, are separate from marriage and thus codify California’s encouragement of non-marital sexual activity. Cal Fam Code 297-299.6. To the extent proponents seek to encourage a norm that sexual activity occur within marriage to ensure that reproduction occur within stable household, Prop 8 discourages that norm because it requires some sexual activity and child-bearing and child-rearing to occur outside marriage. Proponents argue Prop8 advances a state interest in encouraging the formation of stable households. Instead, the evidence shows that Prop 8 undermines that state interest, because same-sex households have become less stable by the passage of Prop 8. The inability to marry denies same-sex couples the beneifts, including stability, attendant to marriage . . . Prop 8 makes it less likely that California children will be raised in stable households . . . the evidence shows that Prop 8 disadvantages families and their children.”

Purported Interest #4: Protecting the freedom of those who oppose marriage for same-sex couples. Proponents argue that Prop 8 1. preserves “the prerogative and responsibility of parents to provide for the ethical and moral development and education of their own children”; and 2. accommodates “the First Amendment rights of individuals and institutions that oppose same-sex marriage on religious or moral grounds.”

What Judge Walker said:

“These purported interests fail as a matter of law. Prop 8 does not affect any First Amendment right or responsibility of parents to educate their children.

What else Judge Walker said:

“A private moral view that same-sex couples are inferior to opposite=sex couples is not a proper basis for legislation.”

“California’s obligation is to treat its citizens equally, not to ‘mandate (its) own moral code’” Tradition alone cannot support legislation.

“Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license. Indeed, the evidence shows Prop 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite-sex couples are superior to same-sex couples. Because California has no interest in discriminating against gay men and lesbians, and because Prop 8 prevents California from fulfilling its constitutional obligation to provide marriages on an equal basis, the court concludes that Prop 8 is unconstitutional.”

Really, is there anything left to say about this?

What basis do the proponents of Prop 8 have to appeal? They didn’t prove their case. I say bring on the Supreme Court. Let’s get this done nationwide.

RSG, the Media Critic: “The Kids Are All Right”

A couple of weeks ago I was invited to a screening of the film, “The Kids Are All Right,” starring Annette Benning and Julianne Moore. The publicity company contacted me and set me up with some sweet reserved press seats to which Cher and I were personally escorted to. This made me feel quite fancy and important and I liked the movie already. Ok, that didn’t really influence me but I did feel super posh.

I have thoughts about this movie and I’ve waited awhile to write about this until I was sure of those thoughts. If you haven’t seen the movie and don’t want to know the main storyline, don’t continue reading

The story is about a lesbian couple with two teenage children, one of who recently turned 18. The children seek out their donor and make contact with him, much to the dismay of their moms. A relationship ensues: the donor with the daughter, the donor with the son and the donor with one of the moms (Moore.)

There were things I liked: I liked the fact that the lesbian couple was portrayed with normality–they were a typical couple dealing with life and family and frankly sometimes that is difficult and dready. They loved each other but had issues to work through just like most couples. They loved their children very much and gave them a good and stable home and raised them to be seemingly good people.

The acting was glorious. The photography was amazing. It was funny and touching in many parts.

Moore and Benning actually looked like middle aged women, which is refreshing.

There were things I didn’t like:

Many parts of the movie reinforce stereotypes that we as lesbians have tried to overcome. I would like to dispell them here:

1. Lesbians do not need to watch gay porn in order to get off. Many of us enjoy watching porn of different kinds and gay porn is pretty rad but it’s not a required accoutrement to lezzie sex.

2. Lesbians are not waiting for the right guy to come along or need a good fuck to make us realize we’re not gay.

3. Although I know many lesbians who enjoy wine (myself included,) we’re not all wine lushes.

The Julianne Moore character needed someone and something in her life that happened to turn out to be in the form of some straight fucking. Her self esteem was in the tank and she was needy and vulnerable and ended up with a dude. Although I understand this was an example of sexual fluidity, I don’t think that a mainstream audience will get this message.

This movie could have been more than it was. I realize that no matter how it would have been made, there would be people who would criticize it’s authenticity and resemblance to actual lesbian relationships.Lesbian relationships are not much different than hetero relationships, which is to say that they are unique to each couple.

Here’s what I think the movie got right: Sometimes peoples relationships get off track. Sometimes people cheat on their partners. Sometimes one person in a relationship forgets how amazing the other person is. Sometimes your relationship is strong enough to overcome adversity and sometimes it isn’t. Raising children under any circumstance is difficult. Sometimes being a mother sucks. That’s just real life and real life was represented in this movie. I just wish that the movie came with footnotes.

Step Off Douchebags

Oh my God. Really. God?

I don’t know what to say.

Today my friend A. was harassed by an old woman on the campus of Portland State University while she was sitting there and minding her own business listening to her iPod. The woman started a conversation with her and asked her if she was gay. A. told her that she was and the woman began to bombard her with slurs and disgusting rhetoric.

She told her that Jesus wanted her to know that she was unwelcome.

Really?

Do these fucking douchebags even know who Jesus was? Have they READ the bible? Because I have and I can say with a fair amount of certainty that Jesus would never tell my sweet friend A. that she was unwelcome anywhere. Jesus would most likely want to hang out with A. and have a beer with her (or wine, I think Jesus liked the wine.) I can totally see Jesus and A. sitting around in their (robes) and chit chatting about life and literature and politics. A is brilliant and could talk about all kind of stuff with him (she’s also Jewish so she’d know that stuff too.) He might hit on her (because she’s pretty) and she’d blush and tell him that she’s in a long-term committed relationship with her girlfriend (also A., I need more letters.) He would say something like, “All the good ones are lesbians” and they would laugh and have another glass of wine.

Jesus would totally dig A. and that douchebag asshat old lady needs to STEP OFF.

The coincidence of all of this is that several people came to A’s side while she was being harassed by this woman and I found out later that one of those people was my darling friend Chuck who is the partner of one of Cher’s teammates.

The universe is a queer place and I find it amazing that two of my favorite people in the world would be in the same place at the same time with one of them in a vulnerable position and one of them in a position to help. I guess that is what makes balance in the world and for that I am grateful. I’m sorry that A. had to be in that place but I’m glad that Chuck was there to support her.

Now if we could get rid of all the douchebags.

I’m really tired of them. I’m tired of their rhetoric and their judgment and their lies. I’m tired of them twisting literature into what suits them and I’m tired of them hurting people.

Every night I lay my head on my wife and think about how much I love her. I don’t question that love, I don’t measure it against other people’s love. I don’t wonder if the love I have for her is right or wrong because I already know the answer.

All love is right.

And

Douchebags Be Gone.

Countdown: Summer

Four Days of School Left.

Then, Hawaii for a week and a nice summer for all. There is so much to do between now and then including my new “Body Cleanse” that I’m doing to prepare my body for a bathing suit. I have switched to a completely Vegan Diet and eliminated coffee and most sugar. I need to go to Trader Joe’s today and buy stuff that I can actually eat but seriously I feel skinnier already. (I know that’s not possible, just humor me.) Really, I’m not trying to lose weight as much as I just want to flush out all of the bad stuff from my body and see how I feel. Since turning 40 the part of my body I dislike the most (my flabby tummy) seems to have become even more flabbier than ever. I’m hoping this may help along with the Pilates I’m planning on doing later. I don’t want my body to go into shock so I should take it one step at a time.

My 12 year old daughter left today for Outdoor School. She’ll be gone all week and I’m happy for this for two reasons. One because she’ll have a great time and two, because anytime we changed the dynamics of our household slightly for a short amount of time, things seem to calm down in a weird way. I could use the calm. I’m trying to finish up my end of the year school projects and I have no motivation to do so. Right now I’m procrastinating writing a Psychology paper that is due tomorrow because I just really don’t want to do it. Sometimes I think I can’t do something and then I realize that I can. Today is one of those days. I’ll get through it and then, Summer.

It’s June. It’s PRIDE month! Even Obama made a declaration. Wow. If you identify as GLBTQ, what are you proud of? What does PRIDE mean to you? I wrote about this in my Just Out column last week, did you read it? optical communicationsIt’s here.

I’m proud of so many things. Mostly I’m proud and happy to be living my life authentically and having the love that I do. It’s so sappy but there isn’t a day that passes that I’m not grateful for the changes I made in my life. I’ve never regretted a thing and I’m thankful that everything fell into place as it has. My wish is that everyone can have the same experience of living completely. There’s a lot of Pride living your best life–and I definitely have it!

I hope everyone takes some time this Pride Month to think about what brings you pride.

Let me know what those things are!

The First Day of a New Week of a New Year

Sunday is the first day of the week. Did you know that? Sometimes people get a little bit confused and think that Sunday is the last day of the week, the seventh day of the week, but it’s not. God made the world in seven days and declared that on the seventh day there would be rest, and that would be Saturday. Sunday was the day he made the heavens and the earth; did you know that? I wonder then why Sunday is part of the “week end?” Shouldn’t it be the “week beginning?” Not to be confused with a “weak beginning,” which is completely different and really has nothing to do with God.

Speaking of weak beginnings.

David Gregory is doing a good job on “Meet The Press;” he’s no Tim Russert, but I like David. Today he interviewed an adviser to President-Elect Obama about Obama’s decision to have Bigot Rev. Rick Warren be part of the inauguration. Warren, an active anti-gay proponent supported Prop 8, which stripped rights away from an entire segment of the population and likens homosexuality to pedophilia. Obama has defended his decision, with an almost Bush-like arrogance.

How does that make you feel Kathryn?

Obama was the best choice for president and I have absolutely no regrets supporting him in this election. I still look forward to the next four years and hold high hopes that a progressive agenda will evolve out of the mess that we’re in right now. But this hurts.

Am I disappointed? Yes I Am. Do I feel dismissed? Yes I Do.

Frank Rich ran an Op-Ed piece today in the New York Times, it’s here, go read it.

I’m glad that Rich addressed the issue, and I don’t think that enough gay people have stood up and expressed their outrage over this decision. It’s a slap in the face and even if there is some kind of ulterior reach-out-to-the-religious-right motive it’s a lot to ask of a group of people who A.) Supported Obama and B.) Are suffering right now as a result of the passage of Prop 8 and other Anti-Gay laws.

Shouldn’t Obama be throwing us a bone right now? Give us a little something to try to heal our bitter-sweet wounds? Instead he’s thrown a little salt in those wounds and that makes it a little difficult to see the “greater good” of this decision, if there is one.

Openly gay Episcopal Bishop V. Gene Robinson had this to say in Rich’s piece,

“I’m all for Rick Warren being at the table,” he told The Times, but “we’re talking about putting someone up front and center at what will be the most-watched inauguration in history, and asking his blessing on the nation. And the God that he’s praying to is not the God that I know.” (emphasis mine.)

That’s not the God I know either.

I don’t believe that God made the world in seven days and I don’t believe in God in a regular God-believing kind of way, but I do know this: Whatever God is, it is not hold hate. I was once told that God is not able to understand anything but love and the only energy that God is able to respond to is loving energy. Wrap your head around that a little bit. God knows nothing but love; what a concept. No wonder so few people, even those who dedicate their lives to serving God, don’t know God. If they did people like Rev. Rick Warren would not stand up and equate my loving, committed relationship with my partner to my marrying my father.

Obama not standing against this type of bigotry is the same as accepting it.

The GLBTQ community has been active and loud during the last several months, why are they being so quiet right now? If McCain had won the election and chose this man to bless the nation on inauguration day, the GLBTQ community would have had a LOT to say. Do we give a pass to Obama?

I don’t.

I’m Melissa Lion’s Bitch

But I don’t mind so much because she’s nice to me and lets my wife kiss her when we’re out lezzie dancing, which my wife appreciates.

Melissa is brilliant on so many levels, she’s an award winning novelist, a book critic, and a college professor. On Saturday she is holding a class for Bloggers!

That sounds fun, don’t you think? If you live in the Portland Metro area, please come and tell Melissa that I sent you. Register at www.longlunchpdx.com.

If you can’t wait until Saturday to see Melissa, then you should definitely go to Backfence PDX tomorrow at The Mission Theatre (they have beer.) She has an amazing line-up planned and it should be super fun. ***

Just go, it will be fun!

Speaking of fun, I have one more class for this term. I finished my screenwriting class and finished my Shakespeare class (I wrote my final paper on the Apocalypse and how it related to Shakespeare’s tragedies–I was feeling deep at the time.)

Tomorrow is my speech on Marriage Equality and how it benefits children. Thank you to everyone who sent me pictures, I’m so excited to have so many! (You can still send some if you would like, I would love more!)

And no, I’m not discriminating against straight people and their children, maybe next time I’ll write a speech about how the families with opposite-sex parents are denied equal rights? Except that I’m not taking any more speech classes so I guess that won’t work out.

Tomorrow is also Call in Gay Day. I can’t call in gay because I would fail my class but I will do it in spirit and try not to patronize any businesses unless I know they support the Gays. I will also try to do something to serve the Gay Agenda–you know undermine the sanctity of marriage or something. Either way, I’ll do my part the best I can.

M. sent me a Yale Sweatshirt, I’ll be wearing it today. Thanks M! You’re the bestest friend I’ve never met. I couldn’t read your return address very well, can you resend it so I can send you a thank-you note? (Unless this blog mention counts or unless you purposely wrote it so I couldn’t read it just in case I would fly to New York and find you.)

After tomorrow I’ll take a breath. I want to have lunch with friends and decorate my house for That Holiday. Maybe we’ll get a tree. But I won’t think about that right now, I’ll think about that tomorrow.

That’s all Internets, now go plan your week.

***No payment or sexual favors were promised for the endorsement of these events.

I love Portland

Today those crazy whackos from Westboro Baptist Church were protesting at my college. They were protesting because we have a Queer Resource Center and Gender Neutral bathrooms (God forbid.) So the wonderful students at my school organized a counter-protest. A peaceful, loving counter protest. The Whackos were fairly tame; I did find out that Obama is the anti-christ, which I didn’t know. All this time I thought it was Bush; imagine my surprise.

I also didn’t know that the anti-christ (Obama) had ram horns. For some reason I pictured him looking more like the little devil on those small cans of ham.

All in all, I have to say that the protest/rally was a great success and I’m grateful to the Westboro Baptist Church for coming out. After all, look what they did–they caused over 100 queers and their allies to get up early on a cold, crisp Monday morning with heartfelt, loving messages–joining together in solidarity.

What is it that they say, whenever you gather two or more together in queer’s name, there is love? Something like that. It might be a song, I’m not sure . . .

It was a great way to start a thankful week. Today I was thankful for my progressive city, my queer community, my colleagues, and my college friends.

No More Legal Marriage

As I stated in my last post, I’m starting a movement. I think perhaps we’ve been handling this the wrong way. We aren’t going to convince everyone that gay people deserve to be married the same as straight people. It’s obvious to me that there is so much rooted in religious rhetoric that people would rather die trying than to give us a bit of equality. Why is this?

They are afraid that if we are given “marriage” rights it in some way means that they will have to condone the way that we live our lives. They will pull everything out of their perverbial pocketbooks to prove to us why we shouldn’t share their air of marriage rather than give even a hint of acceptance of our “lifestyles.” As I have pointed out before, I don’t have a “lifestyle.” The Queen of England and Rock Stars have “lifestyles,” and we have lives. Regular lives just like our heterosexual counterparts with only one small difference–our relationships aren’t equal to theirs under the law.

Gay and lesbian couples are in committed loving relationship, paying their mortgages, going on vacation and raising their children just like heterosexual couples. We want the same equal legal rights as our heterosexual friends receive.

I’ve made the case that marriage equality has been a fight for a long time, and it’s true. Loving v. Virginia happened in 1968, just before I was born. People were outraged when blacks and white were allowed the sanctity of marriage too and it wasn’t accepted right away. Here is the difference in our fight.

Equal-Marriage Opponents propose that our quest for Marriage Equality is only a facade to get them to accept homosexuality as moral and normal. And that’s something that they are not going to even consider–no way and no how. They also don’t want homosexual sex taught in public schools. I don’t really know what to say about that, considering that most of our public schools don’t even teach about heterosexual sex, never mind homosexual sex. They say that a person can’t change their race or gender but they can choose an action (homosexuality.)

I know this because I’ve been engaging in a spirited discussion about the subject on a Facebook thread.

Now of course, I don’t agree with this logic, but I’m sure that you can see that they feel pretty strongly about it and I don’t have one bit of confidence that we will be able to change hearts and minds about something so morally threatening to the Anti-Marriage Equality folks.

So what to do?

I suggest breaking it down to the simplest common denominator.

We want equal protections under the law for our partnerships and our families. They want to preserve the sanctity of traditional marriage. Doing away with legally recognized marriage and instead having state and federal partnership contracts seems like it’s a Win-Win situation for everyone.

Instead of Marriage Licenses, everyone will fill out the same legal paperwork notifying the state of their contract with their chosen partner–with no differentiation between straight couples and gay couples. Same paperwork, same rights, across the board.

The marriage part can remain in the church where it began and everyone will live happily ever after.

Please show me the problem with this, because personally I think it’s brilliant.

Movement

We have a new president and Oregon has a new Democratic Senator. Jeff Merkley gave an acceptance speech this morning from my college;I watched it on television and felt very grateful that our state will be so well represented in the Senate.

Sarah Palin has returned to the tundra of Alaska and McCain went to Starbucks for coffee this morning.

Things are as they should be.

Except in California where committed couples are now illegally married and except in my heart that is filled with angst and except in my head, where I can’t process the logic of this discrimination.

Where do we go from here? How can we convince that legal recognition of our relationships is the right thing to do? How do we show opponents to equal marriage rights that our relationships do not threaten theirs? And most of all, how do we explain to them that we’re not asking for their acceptance of our relationships, we just want the same legal benefits as everyone else–nothing more.

I wonder if GLBTQ activists are approaching this the wrong way. Perhaps instead of trying to integrate our relationships into the “traditional concept of marriage,” we should do away with government sanctioned legal marriage all together. The word “marriage” just may be too entrenched in religion for us to call it ours alongside the heterosexual couples who value their marriage as a sacrament between them and God.

Here’s my idea.

No More Legal Marriage.

No more marriage licenses, no more legal recognition of “marriages.” No more legal husband and wife, no more legal pronouncements of marriage with powers vested by the State. No more marriage benefits bestowed upon couples by the government.

Marriage will no longer be a government contract between two people.

Marriage will revert back to something that happens in a church and have nothing to do with the state or federal government. Marriage will remain a covenant with God, a blessing from the church and community, and a sacred place for a couple to live in holy matrimony til death do them part. That way the sanctity of marriage will be preserved and we can all live together peacefully and equally.

Now before I explain the second half of my movement, I would ask you all who are reading this little blog to just ponder the first half for a bit. Consider this idea, mull it over awhile, chew on it, think it through and try to consider what this would look like.

No More Government Sanctioned Marriage.

Just think about it. Let me know your thoughts.

For The Children

Even though I’m a lezzie, I actually have children. Three of them. And even though their father is voting for McLain, I try to teach them to be compassionate to others and show them some of the realities of the world.

Like Homeless Youth.

Portland has a very high population of homeless youth and according to The New York Times, the fastest growing segment of the homeless youth population is queer kids.

Queer kids who in many cases were disowned by their parents for being queer. Yes, those are fine family values. This shouldn’t be surprising considering the sheer number of kids who are ostracized by their families, churches and communities. It is also not surprising that GLBTQ kids who are not supported by their families, churches and communities have the highest risk of suicides.

GLBTQ kids who are supported by their families, churches and communities risk of suicide is the same as other kids.

What does this say about us as a society? We’d rather have these kids homeless on the street or dead rather than support and embrace who they are as human beings. That isn’t my family value and I am trying to do my small part to help.

Last night I made homemade, vegetarian, mostly organic macaroni and cheese for 35 homeless youth. My BFF Neighbor Judy and I, along with DD’s #2 and #3 will be taking it to the P:ear Center this morning for the kids to have for lunch. What kind of time does this take? Oh, about three hours total. Three hours out of my life to make a delicious meal for kids who don’t have a mother to cook for them. And three hours out of my life to teach my daughters a small lesson in helping others.

I need no accolades for this task, I write about it here to be another voice for a group of children who have been left behind. They’ve been left behind in a country where we have an administration legislating how to not leave any of them behind–and then ignores the ones who are already lost.

And I pass this information along to all of you using these powerful tools that brings us all together– Blogging, Facebook, and Twitter.

Powerful information and powerful networking, and how I found this volunteer opportunity and how I found P:ear. Thanks to @sarahgilbert on Twitter and a tweet she made about teaching the youth to cook one day. P:ear said that it was their very first Twitter referral!

I hope other homeless youth organizations get a Bloggy referral today!