As I was saying.

матрациAbout Summer? It hasn’t come yet. Everyone on Twitter and Facebook and in real life are all complaining about the weather and I get it. The weather totally sucks ass. My garden is getting to look so beautiful but things can not grow without sunshine and we have not had any sunshine to speak of for longer than a day at a time. And it rains all the time and I’m totally sick of it.

It’s useless to complain about the weather because there isn’t a thing one can do about it, but it certainly does make one feel a bit better and I do take some comfort in knowing that a month from now it will be over 100 degrees and my air conditioner will freeze up and I’ll be miserable and hot. I can’t wait.

There’s a lot going on in Portland today. It’s PRIDE weekend of course and that’s always fun. It is also the Rose City Rollers Championship Bout! Cher’s team, the Guns N Rollers will be playing for either third or fourth place, (We’re Number Three!!!) I’m hoping that they will win so that they are not the winners of losers two years in a row, but however it turns out, it will be an incredibly well-fought and well-played game, I’m sure.

I’m helping to put together the new blog for the league and have recruited some very good writers who are contributing some amazing material, check it out, link to it, comment. Please.

Also my latest column came out yesterday in Just Out and it may be interesting to the fellow RSG’s out there. Please let me know what you think.

Finally, my grades came out the other day and I’m happy to report that I completed another term of higher education with a 4.0 GPA. Not bad for a deadbeat I suppose! It is a very good feeling to work hard towards something and know that it is all for a good reason! Life is pretty damn good!!!

Loss

I’ve written here before about roller derby and how amazing that I think it is. I’ve written how it’s become a much bigger part of our life than we ever imagined and how there is a sisterhood that runs deep and is very profound.

We spend hours and hours, perhaps days of our life every week dedicated to derby. Cher and Halsey at practice, Cher doing captain duties, and my helping out with social media and the podcast. The work and the practice never end and there is always another event, another bout, or something that needs to be done.

We don’t mind because we love derby and we love the people in derby. They’ve become friends who are more like family. They are the people we spend most of our time with and have come to depend on and value.

This week we lost one of our sisters and it is very sad.

I didn’t know Bunny Lepowski, but I’ve seen her skate and she was part of my derby family. Even though I didn’t know her, the loss has saddened me so very much. Being with people that I love who are hurting so much is heart wrenching and has reminded me (again,) how you just never know when will be the last time you see someone.

Sometimes we all need a little reminder to say “I love you” to the people in your life.

I’m grateful for the readers of this little blog. I love hearing your stories and getting your emails; I’m glad that once in awhile something I write resonates with you. Thank you for making me feel special on a regular basis even though I’m really not–I’m just a girl who tells her story.

I’m grateful to all of you that I have the privilege to know in real life and spend time with and laugh with and have drinks with, you are all the lights of my life!

I’m grateful to my family and my children, you are my life.

I’m eternally grateful to the woman in my life who loves and adores me and takes care of me each and every day. I still don’t know what I’ve done to deserve her but for some reason Cher thinks I’m pretty cool and I think she’s the most amazing person I know.

Love should always be expressed, and I hope I have done that a little bit here.

What I’ve learned about being a Derby Widow

Nearly a year ago HG told me that she wanted to try-out for roller derby, which I promptly told her, “Hell No.” I didn’t want her to get hurt and even though I’d never actually seen a derby bout (game, match?, I didn’t know then…) I was sure she would get beat up and then who would pay the mortgage? So we went to a fundraising dinner and saw some roller girls who were there volunteering. They didn’t look overly scary. Soon after we went to our first bout (game, match?) and I agreed that HG should try-out. After that, everything fell into place and I knew before she even tried out that she would make it. I knew after she made it to the Fresh Meat team that she would be drafted to a team her first time out–and she did. What I didn’t know was how much all of this would change our lives.

Before I went back to school (and had the kind of job where I went to work and was around people) HG’s interests consisted of me, running, doing the laundry and watching Law and Order. Now there is nothing wrong with these things as interests but because HG moved here from California and didn’t have any friends here–she didn’t really have her own circle, her own thing, her own (life) outside and independent of our relationship and what friends I had at the time. This was a bit of an issue at times because this meant that her energy was very focused on the interests that she did have and there is only so much laundry to do in a day. Although she never articulated it, I’m sure it was pretty depressing to be home (doing laundry) without her own gig in life. We all need our autonomy and to feel as though we belong somewhere. We all need a place to direct our energies, our time and our talent. I’ve always had these things–my life has always been full of ways for me to develop my interests and share myself with the world. I wanted this for HG.

She found that in Roller Derby and surprisingly, so have I.

Joining a roller derby league is not just playing a sport. These girls are so damn dedicated and work hard every single day; they practice a minimum of three nights a week, they volunteer their time to the league and to other charities, they set up, clean, and tear down before and after bouts, they sell tickets, they promote their teams and the leagues and every day throughout the day are team and league issues to talk about and deal with.

They don’t get paid. They pay dues to have the privilege of doing all of this. They don’t get news coverage by local sports media, fame, or notoriety. They do all of it for the love of the game and for the sense of belonging that comes from being part of something that is important.

Why is it important?

It’s important because we live in a world that is dominated by men and male interests. We live in a world where a strong woman is considered threatening and wrong.

We live in a world that the ideal woman looks like this:

Not this:

These girls are Bad Ass. They skate fast, they hit hard and they take a risk every time they get on the track. Yes, they are wearing pads but they are also have wheels on their feet and moving faster than a football or basketball player can run. Bumps and brusies are every day and sometimes injuries are much more serious: black eyes, broken jaws, broken bones, torn ACL’s, back injuries, shoulder injuries, you name it. And what do they do when they get hurt like that? Wait until the doctor says they can skate again and get right back on the track. Bad Ass.

In our patriarchal world that doesn’t encourage women to express themselves this way, roller derby is a tool for change. Derby girls are free to be serious athletes and sexy at the same time. They don’t subscribe to “societies” version of what size, shape, and demeanor they should have–they look and dress how they like and if that means ripped fishnets and hot pants–they bring it. I’m constantly impressed with the level of self-esteem these girls posses and how different that is from most of the rest of us; non-derby women have a lot to gain and a lot to learn by watching skaters. I’m so proud of HG and what she has accomplished in derby. She’s worked hella hard and dedicated and focused a tremendous amount of time and energy to this part of her life. The results are beautiful to watch.

What I didn’t realize about all of this was what the impact would be on me. I’m cool with HG being gone three nights a week for practice. Two nights a week I don’t see her from when she kisses me goodbye in the morning until I’m getting ready for bed–but that’s okay and the sacrifice is worth it. The impact that has surprised me has been all positive.

Somehow I’ve become a part of this. HG’s team mates are my friends now. I spend more time with them than I do any of my other friends. I spend almost as much time doing social media for the league as I do for myself. I get excited reading live tweets from team bouts I don’t even know about; I peruse online skating stores more than any other and I don’t even skate!

It’s crazy.

I was relieved when HG found something of her own to do and somehow it’s become something we share. (I asked HG and she’s okay with sharing derby with me as long as she’s the only one who skates, which I assured her would remain the case!)

So what I’ve learned about being a derby widow? What I’ve lost in time with HG, I’ve gained tenfold by the new friends and exciting projects that I get to be a part of. Supporting roller derby is supporting women and promoting feminism. We need strong-ass-kickin-hard-hitting women in the world to show young girls that they can do anything!

It’s important and it matters.

If you have a roller derby league in your area, go watch a bout. Who knows? Maybe you’ll be inspired to try out!

If you’re in Portland, you probably know where to go, but if not here’s the link.

Word To Your Mother

On the Today Show today they had a report about how much a stay-at-home mother would earn if she were paid for her job duties. It came out to be over $120,000/year. What a lovely thought. Imagine if I had been paid that much for staying home and raising my children for all of these years–I’d be sitting pretty right now because lord knows I wouldn’t have had time to spend it all!

It’s Mother’s Day this Sunday. Did you buy your mother a plant? I’m thinking of buying my mother a plant or some herbs, I’m not sure. I was going to go out to Al’s Garden Center today and find something but it is raining like crazy and I think I’m getting either a cold or the Swine Flu, I’m not sure which. A school nearby is closed for the Swine Flu and I have to say that a little part of me kind of wishes that my institute of higher learning would suddenly need to close for a week or so (Swine Flu or otherwise.) I’m feeling very, very burned out right now. I’ve learned that it’s not a good idea to take your largest course load in the Spring and I won’t be doing that again. My grades are suffering. I’m not getting straight A’s this term, I even got a C on an exam. Yes, a C. I’m admitting it only to all of you as a path toward healing. I’m coming to terms with my failure and finding the strength to go on, accepting that I am not a perfect student after all. It’s depressing–please send chocolate.

Besides school, I have a busy week. Today is my middle daughter’s 12th birthday: Happy Birthday Halsey! She really wants a cell phone and we’ve been back and forth about it. I have a feeling it will be a go but I’ve yet to decide for sure (I’ve got a few hours left . . .)

On Thursday HG and I will be attending “Word To Your Mother”

Word To Your Mother

Friday HG’s Roller Derby Team Guns N Rollers will be scrimmaging against some lovely ladies from Washington State as a fundraising event.

And Saturday we’ll be attending the bout between the Heartless Heathers and the High Rollers!

Sunday: Mother’s Day.

When is Summer? Could someone remind me please?

Last night I had two separate dreams about one of my ex-BFF’s. One of the BFF’s that stopped being my BFF when I told her I was a lezzie. I wonder what that means? I’m not bitter. I feel sorry for her and the rest of my “friends” who so easily walked away from years of friendship, never to be heard from again. It amazes me but really I hold no ill will. One of the dreams took place in Hawaii and we’re going to Hawaii in June. Could that mean something? Next year maybe I’ll take a class on Dream Interpretation. Hopefully I won’t get a C.

Happy Early Mother’s Days to the Mothers! Have fun planting your plants.

Word.