Euphoria Bliss!

On our recent vacation to Baja, I packed along a new little toy that was given to me by a new online retailer dedicated to helping you “love your love life”  called Madame M.’s! And although their products can be purchased and shipped anywhere, the company is owned by a local couple who are extraordinarily nice! And because I’m a Pacific Northwest-Generation-X-Do-Gooder, I want to support local businesses and local peeps, so I was thrilled when they asked me to do a little product review for them.

When I opened the Ophoria Bliss I was first impressed with the beauty of the box. This may seem trivial but to me, a beautiful box is important as it tells me that something beautiful is probably inside the beautiful box—and of course I mean this with no pun intended! When I lifted the cover, I wasn’t disappointed. The Ophoria Bliss is indeed a lovely little toy. Mine is Indigo (of course,) but it also comes is Cerise (pink) and Noir (black.) See how fancy it is? Even the color names are pretty.

I held it and touched it and loved the soft material that it is made of—not plastic and not rubbery—it’s made of 100% medical grade silicone, which is magically smooth and supple. There isn’t a lot to it design wise—it’s ribbed on three sides and smooth on three and has a small and compact shape. The users manual calls it, “classical architecture of design with the spirit of sensory pleasures.” It is such that you lay it flat for a stronger vibration and the tip for softer vibrations. I didn’t find a huge difference in the strength of the vibrations but did feel that using the tip definitely targeted specific spots. Although it state’s on Madame M.’s website that it is “designed specifically for clitoral stimulation,” I found no reason why it couldn’t be used vaginally as well—just be sure to use only a high quality water based lubricant.

The Ophoria Bliss has nine settings, (with fancy names like Teaser, Mambo, Spellbound, Thrum and Quiver,) which for a minimalist like me, is probably about six too many! I found that the first three continuous vibration settings work the best for direct clitoral stimulation and the Building Vibrations and Pulsating Vibrations work well with penetration or in conjunction with other manual or oral clitoral stimulation.

Cher and I used the Ophoria Bliss together and I used it alone—it was a good product for both although I enjoyed using it with her the best and she liked it as well. She also preferred the continuous vibration settings for clitoral stimulation.

One of my favorite things about this product is that it is PERFECT for travel! It comes in a lovely little black velvety silk carrying case and easily slips into your suitcase, (be SURE to take the batteries out before traveling!) The Ophoria Bliss takes two AAA batteries, which were included and Madame M.’s also included some fancy new batteries called Dead Batteries, which I found are not dead at all. According to the package, they last longer than typical batteries but I will have to get back to you on that. The batteries are quite lovely in appearance however and that for me is reason enough to buy them.

Overall I was happy with this product and it has become one of my favs. It’s soft, simple and not at all intimidating. It will most definitely find it’s way into my suitcase for my next vacation!

You can view it here!

RSG’s Disclaimer: Madame M.’s provided me with the product gratis and I agreed to review it with the understanding that I would be completely honest, good or bad–which I was!

49 Hours

That’s how long it has been since I returned home from my two week vacation in Mexico. I realize that not many people get to go to Mexico for two weeks with only their partner and relax, relax, relax, read, drink wine, eat and relax and that I should just be grateful for the time that I had (which I am,) but can I just tell you how hard this has been. These last 49 hours? They have been excruciating.

On Sunday I woke up not feeling well and had to go to my oldest daughter’s figure skating competition, (she came in First.) Then the girls came home and I joined Cher in doing some yard work. Cher did loads and loads and loads of laundry, mowed the grass, trimmed, watered, treated the hot tub and weeded the back yard among other things. I weeded the front yard.

Since then it has been one thing after another: Skating, Derby, Case of Pink Eye, Therapy, Arguing, Tears, Driving Kids Around.

And coming up for the rest of the week: grocery shopping, bill paying, skating, derby, orthodontist appointment, doctor appointment, orthodontist appointment, another doctor appointment, orthodontist appointment, shopping for school supplies, my dad visiting for four days, more skating, my dad leaves, derby and more shopping.

I believe I may be developing an ulcer. Or I picked up a stomach virus in Mexico. Or both.

I feel as though I’m being punished for the nice time that I had.

Ugh.

Baja Vacation

Monday was our four-year-seven-month anniversary. We are in Baja on vacation visiting Cher’s parents and having some time together. Four years and five months ago we were here as well—newly together and basking in the delight of our new romance. It’s wonderful to report that we still delight in our romance and although life is busy and sometimes gets in the way, these times together certainly help us to stay connected and remember how much we love each other and how much our relationship means.

I want it to always be that way.

I will do whatever I possibly can to keep it that way.

I arrived in Baja on Saturday, bringing with me seven novels and my Spanish textbook. I believe I may have been a little bit ambitious in thinking that I will get all of those books read—and accomplish the other things I want to do, like write for myself and study Spanish. Looking through my Spanish textbook this morning and realizing everything I’ve forgotten over the past nine months, I’m definitely re-thinking skipping 103 and going right to 201. I don’t have a lot of confidence that I will be able to self teach myself four chapters, but until I review the first six chapters, I’ll reserve making a decision.

I’m reading “The Book Thief,” a story about a young girl growing up in Nazi Germany.  The story is narrated by Death and he tells the reader about this young girl, Liesel, who is sent to live with a foster family. On their way to the foster family, her brother dies on the train and she is haunted by his death and his burial in the snow. During the burial, she sees a book, left by the gravedigger, and she steals it. This is the first of many books she steals. Each theft is taking her a step on her journey and her tale of living under Hitler, stealing food and harboring a Jew in their basement.

Death is busy in the book—seeing how there is a war going on.

Death also visited us yesterday.

Cher and her mom found an abandoned kitten and had been taking care of it. I arrived on Saturday and assumed my caretaking role as well. The kitten seemed to be doing okay and Sunday morning I took her out of her kennel and washed her up. Cher made her a bottle, which she didn’t drink much of. We offered her some wet food, which she ate right away. When she finished, she was washing her paws and seemed to be okay. Suddenly she got very lethargic and I knew something was wrong. Cher thought she was just tired and told me to put her to bed. I waited for a couple of hours and got her up and tried to feed her again. She wouldn’t eat. It only took a couple of hours and she was weak and withering away. We drove to the vet, but they were both closed. I knew on the way home that she was dying.

Cher held her and watched her draw her final breaths, each one a little further apart from the last until she was gone.

I was overcome with sadness. This little tiny life that we were trying to save, just slipped away and there was nothing we could do. We could only sit with her in our hands and watch her struggle to breath and then slip away.

I take comfort in knowing that she died warm and being held and loved instead of cold and alone, maybe being eaten by ants or other bugs. If it weren’t for us trying to save her, no one would have cared for that little being. No tears would have been shed and no one and nothing would have given her even a passing thought.

Even a little tiny life matters. Watching a little tiny life fade away reminds me how precious it all is and to value even the little parts of life that we may otherwise not consider. It’s all around us—we have to just take a moment and notice.

So thank you wee small kitten for letting me care for you for a short time and give you a little bit of love and comfort as your energy passed to somewhere different. Perhaps Death scooped up your soul and carried you away. If so, I have a feeling he held you just as sweetly as we did.

Prop 8 Ruling: Simply Logical

I just finished reading the Prop 8 Court Ruling. Well, I skimmed it actually but I read quite a bit of it and let me tell you all, it is fascinating. What is fascinating about it? What is fascinating is just how simple and logical it is.

Proponents for Prop 8 had several main points for keeping it in the California constitution. (I’m taking these points directly from the ruling.) Here are four of them:

Purported Interest #1: Reserving marriage as a union between a man and a woman and excluding any other relationship.

The rational behind this is: 1. “the traditional institution of marriage as the union of a man and a woman”; 2. “the traditional social and legal purpose, functions, and structure of marriage”; and 3. “the traditional meaning of marriage as it has always been defined in the English language.”

What Judge Walker said:

“Tradition alone, however cannot form a rational basis for a law . . . the state must have an interest apart from the fact of the tradition itself . . . California has eliminated all legally mandated gender roles except the requirement that a marriage consist of one man and one woman. Prop 8 thus enshrines in the California Constitution a gender restriction that the evidence shows to be nothing more than an artifact of a foregone notion that men and women fulfill different roles in civic life . . .  the evidence shows that Prop 8 harms the state’s interest in equality because it mandates that men and women be treated differently based only on antiquated and discredited notions of gender . . . the state has no interest in preferring opposite-sex couples to same-sex couples or in preferring heterosexuality to homosexuality. Moreover, the state cannot have an interest in disadvantaging an unpopular minority group simply because the group is unpopular.”

Purported Interest #2: Proceeding with caution when implementing social changes.

What Judge Walker said:

” . . . the evidence shows beyond debate that allowing same-sex couples to marry has at least a neutral, if not a positive, effect on the institution of marriage and that same-sex couples’ marriages would benefit the state. Moreover, the evidence shows that the rights of those opposed to homosexuality or same-sex couples will remain unaffected if the state ceases to enforce Prop 8 . . . Because the evidence shows same-sex marriage has and will have no adverse effects on society or the institution of marriage, California has no interest in waiting and no practical need to wait to grant marriage licenses to same-sex couples.”

Purported Interest #3: Promoting opposite-sex parenting over same-sex parenting. Proponents argue Prop 8: 1. promotes “stability and responsibility in naturally procreative relationships”; 2. promotes “enduring and stable family structures for the responsible raising and care of children by their biological parents”; 3. increases “the probability that natural procreation will occur within stable, enduring, and supporting family structure”; 4. promotes “the natural and mutually beneficial bond between parents and their biological children”; 5. increases “the probability that each child will be raised by both of his or her biological parents”; 6. increases “the probability that each child will be raised by both a father and a mother”; and 7. increases “the probability that each child will have a legally recognized father and mother.”

What RSG says: “Are they serious?”

What Judge Walker said:

“Same-sex parents and opposite=sex parents are of equal quality . . .  Prop 8 does not make it more likely that opposite-sex couples will marry and raise offspring biologically related to both parents . . . the evidence shows beyond any doubt that parent’s genders are irrelevant to children’s developmental outcomes. Moreover, Prop 8 has nothing to do with children, as Prop 8 simply prevents same-sex couples from marrying . . . Prop 8 does not affect who can or should become a parent under California law.”

Here is one of my favs:

“To the extent California has an interest in encouraging sexual activity to occur within marriage (a debateable proposition in light of Lawrence, 539 US at 571) the evidence shows Prop 9 to be detrimental to that interest. Because of Prop 8, same-sex couples are not permitted to engage in sexual activity within marriage. FF 53. Domestic partnerships, in which sexual activity is apparently expected, are separate from marriage and thus codify California’s encouragement of non-marital sexual activity. Cal Fam Code 297-299.6. To the extent proponents seek to encourage a norm that sexual activity occur within marriage to ensure that reproduction occur within stable household, Prop 8 discourages that norm because it requires some sexual activity and child-bearing and child-rearing to occur outside marriage. Proponents argue Prop8 advances a state interest in encouraging the formation of stable households. Instead, the evidence shows that Prop 8 undermines that state interest, because same-sex households have become less stable by the passage of Prop 8. The inability to marry denies same-sex couples the beneifts, including stability, attendant to marriage . . . Prop 8 makes it less likely that California children will be raised in stable households . . . the evidence shows that Prop 8 disadvantages families and their children.”

Purported Interest #4: Protecting the freedom of those who oppose marriage for same-sex couples. Proponents argue that Prop 8 1. preserves “the prerogative and responsibility of parents to provide for the ethical and moral development and education of their own children”; and 2. accommodates “the First Amendment rights of individuals and institutions that oppose same-sex marriage on religious or moral grounds.”

What Judge Walker said:

“These purported interests fail as a matter of law. Prop 8 does not affect any First Amendment right or responsibility of parents to educate their children.

What else Judge Walker said:

“A private moral view that same-sex couples are inferior to opposite=sex couples is not a proper basis for legislation.”

“California’s obligation is to treat its citizens equally, not to ‘mandate (its) own moral code’” Tradition alone cannot support legislation.

“Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license. Indeed, the evidence shows Prop 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite-sex couples are superior to same-sex couples. Because California has no interest in discriminating against gay men and lesbians, and because Prop 8 prevents California from fulfilling its constitutional obligation to provide marriages on an equal basis, the court concludes that Prop 8 is unconstitutional.”

Really, is there anything left to say about this?

What basis do the proponents of Prop 8 have to appeal? They didn’t prove their case. I say bring on the Supreme Court. Let’s get this done nationwide.

RSG, the Media Critic: “The Kids Are All Right”

A couple of weeks ago I was invited to a screening of the film, “The Kids Are All Right,” starring Annette Benning and Julianne Moore. The publicity company contacted me and set me up with some sweet reserved press seats to which Cher and I were personally escorted to. This made me feel quite fancy and important and I liked the movie already. Ok, that didn’t really influence me but I did feel super posh.

I have thoughts about this movie and I’ve waited awhile to write about this until I was sure of those thoughts. If you haven’t seen the movie and don’t want to know the main storyline, don’t continue reading

The story is about a lesbian couple with two teenage children, one of who recently turned 18. The children seek out their donor and make contact with him, much to the dismay of their moms. A relationship ensues: the donor with the daughter, the donor with the son and the donor with one of the moms (Moore.)

There were things I liked: I liked the fact that the lesbian couple was portrayed with normality–they were a typical couple dealing with life and family and frankly sometimes that is difficult and dready. They loved each other but had issues to work through just like most couples. They loved their children very much and gave them a good and stable home and raised them to be seemingly good people.

The acting was glorious. The photography was amazing. It was funny and touching in many parts.

Moore and Benning actually looked like middle aged women, which is refreshing.

There were things I didn’t like:

Many parts of the movie reinforce stereotypes that we as lesbians have tried to overcome. I would like to dispell them here:

1. Lesbians do not need to watch gay porn in order to get off. Many of us enjoy watching porn of different kinds and gay porn is pretty rad but it’s not a required accoutrement to lezzie sex.

2. Lesbians are not waiting for the right guy to come along or need a good fuck to make us realize we’re not gay.

3. Although I know many lesbians who enjoy wine (myself included,) we’re not all wine lushes.

The Julianne Moore character needed someone and something in her life that happened to turn out to be in the form of some straight fucking. Her self esteem was in the tank and she was needy and vulnerable and ended up with a dude. Although I understand this was an example of sexual fluidity, I don’t think that a mainstream audience will get this message.

This movie could have been more than it was. I realize that no matter how it would have been made, there would be people who would criticize it’s authenticity and resemblance to actual lesbian relationships.Lesbian relationships are not much different than hetero relationships, which is to say that they are unique to each couple.

Here’s what I think the movie got right: Sometimes peoples relationships get off track. Sometimes people cheat on their partners. Sometimes one person in a relationship forgets how amazing the other person is. Sometimes your relationship is strong enough to overcome adversity and sometimes it isn’t. Raising children under any circumstance is difficult. Sometimes being a mother sucks. That’s just real life and real life was represented in this movie. I just wish that the movie came with footnotes.

100

Degrees it was yesterday but I am not complaining. I would rather it be 100 than 60 and I would certainly rather 100 than 40, which is what it was when we were camping over the 4th of July. So the weekend it was cold, we went camping in the mountains. The weekend that it is hot, we’re camping nearer the valley. Camping=Fail. Either way, I love the camping and I love the summer so I’m happy.

I’m starting to think I would really like to move to a warmer climate. I’m saying this coming off of nearly ten months of weather that required a sweater or a jacket with only occasional breaks. This causes me to wonder if perhaps I am getting terribly old? I don’t want to run off to Florida or anything–just maybe northern California. Unfortunately the glich in my plan is that my family and my childrens father are here in Oregon and unless they are all planning on moving with us, it’s pretty much a no go. But I like to think about it. Each season brings with it the good and the not as good, highs and lows, love and loss.

My girls’ grandmother passed away yesterday. She had been ill for many years but I always thought that she would eventually get better. She did not. From what I know, she was quite sick at the end and it pains me to think of anyone going through that process of knowing that death is just around the corner but not quite knowing what it looks like. When I think of her, I try to imagine her being comforted and dotted on by her mother, who I know was by her side the entire time and probably when she slipped from this life into the next realm. Even though a child should not die before her children, there is something amazing about being there the moment someone comes into this world and then ushering that person out of the world as well. Death comes to all of us and it is natural as being born–it can be just as beautiful and doesn’t need to be a scary, dark or horrible time. I’m trying to help my girls through this and day by day and eventually they will be able to process their loss. I feel for their father and hope that he is taking care of himself at this time–I know that he doesn’t handle this type of thing very well and I hope that he can find some peace and love as he journeys through. He won’t know how to talk to the girls about this so I’m glad that they have three other parents to pick up and help him out but he will also need to make his own way. I wish him well.

Yesterday I was sitting in my ex’s wife’s car talking to her about this situation and planning out the weekend since their father is away. It just seemed so normal to be doing this–to be collaborating on what is best for the girls and who would be taking care of them which day, etc. I was telling my BFF Neighbor Judy about the conversation when she interrupted me and said, “How can you do that?”

I looked at her and said, “Do what?”

“Sit and talk to her, knowing that she says terrible things about you.”

I don’t know why I am why I am. No one taught me to be this way–I just am. I’m probably forgiving to a fault and I don’t hold grudges. I’m happy to give a person a pass on causing me pain in some way and I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.  My ex and his wife care for our children 40% of the time. They love them. It doesn’t matter what has happened between he and I, the girls need parents who try to get along and communicate–for their benefit and for ours. Sometimes one or the other of us may be the only one trying to do that, but I hope that I will always try to be above pettiness and think about what is best for my girls.

More than anything, I want to be a better person and know that at the end of my life, I will not be on my deathbed wishing I had been nicer and more forgiving when I had the chance. I hope that will be the case.

Hot Love in the Summertime

Ahhh. Summer arrived in the Northwest and it has been absolutely glorious. I’ve been doing projects around the house and last weekend I took fourteen teenage girls camping. I have not yet recovered. Yesterday I bought firewood and a miter saw on Craigslist and I’m going to build a firewood storage area on my side yard. Cher asked if she could see my “plans” before I started building it. I didn’t know what she meant. Still don’t.

Last night I took Halsey to see “Eclipse” and it didn’t suck except for the part where the movie theatre must turn the air conditioning off after midnight because I felt as though I could not breathe. Mikayla has been camp counseling this week, which is different from what Halsey told the waitress at a restaurant we where at who asked where Mikayla was. “She’s at Counseling Camp,” she told her. It kind of made it sound as though I’d shipped her off to a sanitarium which wouldn’t make any sense since I’m the one who should probably be shipped off there.

We’re taking the girls camping this weekend for the fourth and Cher and I are going again next weekend with her team so I have a lot of planning ahead. I would like to say that I’ll be sitting in my loungey chair reading magazines but I don’t want to set myself up for any disappointment since one never knows what may happen when one is camping.

Other than the camping, I see a lot of building projects in my future. And spray paint. I adore spray paint and I have discovered that it now comes in a wide array of beautiful colors fit for painting just about anything. I have also discovered power washing and have been power washing everything in sight (and then sometimes spray painting it.) Did you know you can spray paint plastic? Who knew?

I have also discovered the best reality show on television, The Fabulous Beekman Boys. Watch it. You’ll laugh so hard you will cry. I asked Cher if we could buy a small farm but she doesn’t want to hear about it. Imagine how many things I could build and spray paint if I had a small farm . . .

As I was saying.

матрациAbout Summer? It hasn’t come yet. Everyone on Twitter and Facebook and in real life are all complaining about the weather and I get it. The weather totally sucks ass. My garden is getting to look so beautiful but things can not grow without sunshine and we have not had any sunshine to speak of for longer than a day at a time. And it rains all the time and I’m totally sick of it.

It’s useless to complain about the weather because there isn’t a thing one can do about it, but it certainly does make one feel a bit better and I do take some comfort in knowing that a month from now it will be over 100 degrees and my air conditioner will freeze up and I’ll be miserable and hot. I can’t wait.

There’s a lot going on in Portland today. It’s PRIDE weekend of course and that’s always fun. It is also the Rose City Rollers Championship Bout! Cher’s team, the Guns N Rollers will be playing for either third or fourth place, (We’re Number Three!!!) I’m hoping that they will win so that they are not the winners of losers two years in a row, but however it turns out, it will be an incredibly well-fought and well-played game, I’m sure.

I’m helping to put together the new blog for the league and have recruited some very good writers who are contributing some amazing material, check it out, link to it, comment. Please.

Also my latest column came out yesterday in Just Out and it may be interesting to the fellow RSG’s out there. Please let me know what you think.

Finally, my grades came out the other day and I’m happy to report that I completed another term of higher education with a 4.0 GPA. Not bad for a deadbeat I suppose! It is a very good feeling to work hard towards something and know that it is all for a good reason! Life is pretty damn good!!!

Summer

You wouldn’t know it by the weather around here, but Summer Break has arrived! I haven’t had a chance to really enjoy much of it yet, but I’m hoping to soon. This time of the year is tough in the Pacific Northwest and every year I’m aware of it even more. This was the first Winter we didn’t take a vacation somewhere warm so I think it’s been even harder–but I know the sun is coming soon–and I am looking forward to fun times with friends and my girls.

I have a long reading list and a long project list as well. I will also be working on my book proposal for “The Recovering Straight Girl’s Guide to Lesbian Life” coming to a bookstore near you. As soon as I write it that is!

I want to make a list of Summer To-Do’s and was wondering what other people have on theirs. Last Summer I did a lot of things for the first time and I’m looking forward to adding some items this year! What’s on your list? Are you going on vacation? If so, where? What else are you going to do? Let’s chat!

How To Be a Deadbeat Mom

My sniffle turned into a sinus infection and a possible case of Pertussis. I didn’t have the Pertussis test because I had already take antibiotics for the sinus infection and they would have been effective for the Pertussis if I did have it. Instead I got loaded up on a variety of cough medicines and an inhaler. I scare people a little when I cough and it’s annoying. I feel like I’m going to puke.

But it’s much better and even though I got a little behind in my school work, I ramped up pretty quick and I’m now looking at one more week of classes and two finals until I’m finished with the term. This makes me so very happy for so many reasons but mostly so I can just take a breath.

Despite what some people may think, going to school full-time and managing everything else that I manage in my life, (the list is too long to give justice by making a list,) is one of the very hardest things that I have ever done in my life. I realize that I set my expectations high for my achievement, but I don’t think that I could do it any other way. I want to do well. I want to learn everything that I can so that I can pass that knowledge on to my children and to others in the world. This is how a society elevates–through education. Ignorance breeds apathy and I don’t want to be ignorant or apathetic. I want to make a difference in the world and I will do that by working hard, learning a lot and passing that knowledge on in whatever situation I can.

Recently I was told that my going to school full time is a luxury and that my earning an advanced degree is not beneficial to my girls.

Obviously this is a value judgment and that needs to be taken into consideration. It is also a judgment made in ignorance, which is very sad for the person who made it. Finally, it is a testament of exactly why my getting an advanced degree benefits my girls.

I was also referred to as a Dead-Beat Mom. Hmmm. I thought. If I am a dead-beat mom, I should probably know how to be one and let others know as well, so I compiled a list.

How To Be A Dead-Beat Mom
By: The Recovering Straight Girl

1. Give up your career and educational ambitions (even if you haven’t yet figured out what those ambitions are) in order to stay at home and raise your children. (This alone qualifies you as a deadbeat mom because you won’t be bringing in any money and contributing to the household financially.)

2. Support your partner emotionally, physically, intellectually and spiritually as he or she focuses on his or her career and educational ambitions while you stay at home and raise your children.This includes but is not limited to: caring for the home, meals, shopping, childcare, education for the children, social calendar etc. so that your partner doesn’t need to spend any time worrying about any of these things and can focus solely on his or her educational or career goals. (Really, what do you DO all day long?)

3. During this time, allow your partner to financially support you. Loser.

4. When you eventually go through a divorce, accept the state ordered spousal and child support for you and your children. (Fully take advantage of your ex when you should get off your lazy ass and get a job making a salary large enough to support you and your children. What? You haven’t worked outside of the home in over ten years? What? You don’t have a college degree? Who’s problem is that? Obviously you should have been DOING something with your life for the last ten years.)

5. Re-marry/partner. Share household duties and expenses with your significant other. Whatever you negotiate with your current spouse/partner is up for approval from your ex.  Relying on your partner to provide for the girls is not acceptable.

6. Go back to college to earn your degree. This is the ultimate sign of a dead beat as going to university and going to college is a LUXURY, and really . . . How does a masters degree help the girls? We just don’t see how they’ll benefit from you getting a masters degree, most likely eight years from now. I actually don’t think you’ll graduate at all, hopefully you’ll prove me wrong. But so what if you do, how does that benefit the girls?

7. Be sure to put your financial WANTS (like getting a college degree) ahead of your children’s financial NEEDS (like pursuing a hobby, extra-curricular activity or outside interest.)

8. Take out thousands of dollars in student loans so that you can afford to give your children the things that you think they NEED (food, clothes, shoes, shelter, lunch money, deodorant, school fees, etc.) and many of the things that you think they WANT (more clothes, make-up, straighteners, laptops, cell phones, dinners out, camping trips, summer camps, etc.) Paying for the girls expenses out of your financial aid money is not acceptable.

9. Try to teach your children that valuing love, friendship, community, the environment and education are more important than having everything that we want when we want it. Support your children emotionally. Probably every deadbeat dad, or in your case deadbeat mom says this.

10. Finally, don’t have a job while going to school full-time and taking care of your family. Even if you do work part-time, make sure that whatever it is that you do (like say, freelance write,) isn’t acceptable to your ex. You choose not to work full time, you choose not to work part time, you choose not to work at all. Meanwhile, everyone around you picks up the slack so that the girls can have things that they are accustom to.

There you go. Now you can also strive to be a deadbeat mom. It’s a lot of hard work but if you follow the steps I’ve outlined, you should be able to achieve your goal.

The commentary is italics is not my own writing. They were lifted from someone else and were sent with all due respect.

Keep me abreast on how your progress is, I’d love to hear about it!